Saturday, August 06, 2005

Wishing

I have to vent to someone or something other than Eddie.

The five things I am wishing for today:

1. That the sun will leave the sky and never show its rays again.
2. That the world would end this instant after being flash frozen by a fictional evil doer.
3. That winter would come and never turn back into summer.
4. That I had a personal assistant to sit by my side and fan me all day, while handing me sips of ice water in between.
5. That I would be able to strap a 10,000 BTU air conditioner to the top of the truck and run it on high cool until December.

If you haven't gathered by now that I am hot, I will be more clear. When the fuck is this heat going to end??

I can't take it anymore. I just can't take it. It makes me want to throw up. I look at people smiling in the sun and think they must be on drugs. I do not shop in stores that are hot. I can't stand walking from the truck to anywhere more than 100 feet if it's hot out. My retinas are seared from the blinding light of the sun. My scalp is on fire from the heat beating down upon it. I am cranky (duh). The feeling of any amount of fabric on my body is making me crazy. I wish I had AA tits so I could go braless. I think I'm going to buy a muu-muu at the next place we stop so I can wander around with no underwear on underneath like the old Italian women do on a hot day in the city.

My skin is on fire. I just can't get cool. I have no more moisture left in my eyes because I am staring straight into the air conditioner vents. I am on my second litre of water for the day and I am thinking of buying a box of Depends so I don't have to go out in the heat when I have to pee.


It's only August 6, which means I probably have at least 3 months more of heat that I can't stand. The only thing that is going to save me today is the fact that we are heading back to the Northwest. Dear, sweet Oregon, here I come.

(Photos courtesy of the internet)

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