United Parcel Servant

While on this UPS run, we don't have a lot of time to screw around. Just stopping for fuel can take anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes, so we do everything we can to make sure we maximize our stopping time. If we're stopping for fuel, we'll also fill the water tanks, mail our trip sheets or pop into the store to get anything we might have forgotten when shopping. Sometimes we're just in the mood for a snack we don't have in the truck or maybe instead of cooking, we decide to go to Wendy's or some other fast food joint. Whatever it is, it all has to be done at the same time.

UPS is very particular about their pick-up and delivery times. If they say your delivery time is 6:17 a.m., they mean 6:17 a.m. You have to call if you're going to be even fifteen minutes late. And each leg of the trip doesn't allow for a whole lot of dilly-dally time. For instance, the first leg of this last trip was 1,770 miles. They give us thirty-three hours to do that in. We do fifty-eight miles per hour. Do the math.

So other than stopping for fuel, the only thing that takes time are bathroom breaks. Now of course it's not a problem for the person not driving since we have a bathroom in the truck, and Ed, well he can go for an ungodly amount of time before he has to use the facilities. Me? I have to pee all the time, so when I'm driving, I have to time my stops.

The other night when I was driving, I heard a noise coming from the back of the sleeper; Ed was up and moving around, so I bellowed for him. He came up front and I asked if he would get me something to drink. He came back with a half-filled drink container of fruit punch flavored Crystal Light. I looked at him and said, "Uh, can you fill it up?"

He said, "Can't you just drink this?"

"No, I want a full container, because you're going to go back to sleep and then I'll have nothing." I said.

"Yeah, but then you're going to have to pee and we don't have time to stop." he said.

"Well, if you don't fill it, I'm going to have to stop anyway and do it myself, which is going to waste even more time. And, wait...what are you saying? You're denying me a beverage because I might have to pee??" I said.

He reluctantly filled the drink bottle and handed it back to me. Then I think I heard him mutter something under his breath.

I swear I heard him say, Vhat? You're thirsty? You vill get some vater vhen you get to your destination, fräulein. Now drive!!


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1 YEAR AGO: Whizzing Through Dallas
2 YEARS AGO: Eddie With The Luscious Kisser Friday
3 YEARS AGO: ’Tis The Season To Be Tweety
4 YEARS AGO: Cat Fiiiiiight!!!

The Reason My Ass Is Not Getting Any Smaller

Usually, this is just a problem when we're on the East coast, since there is a Dunkin' on every corner, but this past weekend in Phoenix, there was one less than two miles from our hotel. Very dangerous.


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1 YEAR AGO: Out Of This World Outport Life
2 YEARS AGO: Max Says To Go Placidly, As It Is Still A Beautiful World
3 YEARS AGO: Dangerous Beauty
4 YEARS AGO: Big Bad Cherry Peppers

Sorting Out The Details

This morning I spoke to my mother, who had another story for me about my youngest nephew; he is a treasure trove of some of the best things to ever come out of a human's mouth. OK, I may be a teensy weensy bit biased, but he does come up with some good stuff.

For the sake of the story, I have to give you a little background on my mother's New York accent. As many New Yorkers do, they add letters where they often don't belong and very often it's the "r" at the end of a word. For example, my mother says my name, Salena, as "Salener"; idea, as "idear"; bra as "brar", karma as "karmar", soda as "soder". You get the idea.

My nephews love this about her. They always say that Nana (or Nanar, when they are teasing her) calls Papa, "Popper". This story is about an interaction between my mother and my youngest nephew about "Popper".

Last night as they sat down for dinner, my mother called out to my step-father to come to the table. She always calls him Papa in the presence of the kids, so she said "Come on, Popper, it's time to eat." He didn't come right away (bad Papa!) so my nephews then followed her lead and said, "Yeah, Popper! Come to the table. It's time to eat." Giggling ensued.

Then the youngest said to my mother, "Is Popper my real grandfather, because Grandpa Sal is my real grandfather, but he's in heaven."

My mother said, "Yes. Grandpa Sal is your father's father and Grandpa Ken is your mother's father and Papa is your father's step-father. But they're all your grandfathers."

"So Papa is my step-grandfather?" he said.

"Well, no, not really," my mother said. "He's just your grandfather. The reason he's your Daddy's step-father is because Grandpa Sal was my first husband and Papa is my second husband."

"Oh. So then he's your step-husband??"

And there you have the inner workings of a six-year old's mind.


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1 YEAR AGO: Eddie On A Cliff Friday
2 YEARS AGO: Christmas Meme!
3 YEARS AGO: ”O” My God
4 YEARS AGO: Five Already???

Plastic Is A Sure Thing

I've spent the last three days Christmas shopping in Phoenix. I got almost everything on my list and can say with the exception of my East Coast family (who, if I decide to get them anything, will be getting it after Christmas), I'm pretty close to done.

Thing is, it just doesn't feel like Christmas shopping when it's 70 degrees out. OK, maybe it was like 65. But still; no snow, no cold, no dreary overcast weather. I was wearing flip-flops for God's sake!

I'm pretty sure you only have to read my blog for like, five minutes, to know I don't like the heat. And when I have to leave a store because it's too hot to shop, you know I'm not a happy camper. I had to do that twice. Once I was alone and once I was with Ed and just said quickly, and as if I were delirious, Ihavetogetoutofherebecauseit'ssofuckinghotI'mgoingtothrowup. I waited outside on the sidewalk for him. In the shade.

But, that little incident aside, the good part is that not only were all of my shopping spots within ten miles of the hotel, but there was also a Dunkin' Donuts two miles away! That meant shopping fuel every morning, which I desperately need since I'm not really a big fan of shopping. Sometimes I think I am, until I get out there and realize that I do much better with a list and the in-and-out technique. Well, unless I'm in a makeup store; then I can wander around forever.

The reason I'm so excited about the shopping being nearly done is because these three days are really the only time off I'll have on this gig until we get back home on December 22nd. I wanted to get the bulk of it done now, and I did. There are a few last minute things I have to do which I can either get done over the course of the next two weeks, or in those last few days before Christmas. I am definitely that person you see at the twenty-four hour Walgreen's on Christmas Eve. What? Sometimes it happens.

We drove 7,200 miles in six days last week. The run we start tomorrow won't be as bad though, only 4,400 miles. By the time the twenty days of this UPS run are over, we'll have driven 23,747 miles. So I'm thinking I won't really want to be at Walgreen's at midnight this year.

I think I might have to dedicate some of my "on-duty-not-driving" time to Amazon.com, because there is no way on earth I'm giving up sleep time for shopping. I'll buy a damned gift card before I do that.

Hellooo, my little plastic lifesaver.


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1 YEAR AGO: The All Purpose Swab
2 YEARS AGO: Jump The Weeds
3 YEARS AGO: Forty Dollars A Gallon
4 YEARS AGO: Sudan Ease

Privacy Issues

I'm not a very private person. Having a blog should be your first clue, but if that's not enough, then let me tell you again: I am not a private person.

I was recently asked to finish this sentence: "One thing people don't know about me is..."

I couldn't think of a thing. Still can't. My first thought was, well if you don't know me, you probably wouldn't know anything about me. That just seems to be common sense. Then I thought about all the people who do know me. They probably know everything about me. Or would, if they just asked.

Ed on the other hand, is kind of private. Not secretive private; that's something completely different. I have people in my family who are secretive private and that's just annoying. But he's private in the sense that he really just doesn't think to tell people things. Anything, really. And he's big on personal space and his privacy within that space.

For example...

I will talk to almost anyone through a bathroom door. I might even talk to someone standing in the bathroom with me while I'm peeing. In fact, I can tick off at least ten people I'd talk to while I was peeing. Ed will have none of that. Oh, he'll talk to me while I'm peeing, but God forbid I crack open the door to talk to him while he's in there. I've almost lost a finger because he's closed the door so quickly.

In fact, in the truck, he will LOCK the bathroom door. Lock it. Let me remind you that the bathroom door in the truck is just like one on an RV. For those of you who've never been in an RV, imagine a flimsy screen door circa 1972. Not much to it. Locking it doesn't really provide all that much security. Yet he still locks it. Drives me crazy.

I've written about this before, that it has to do with how a person was raised, I guess. Me, I was raised with a mother and Aunts who would sit on the tub while the person was on the toilet, carrying on coversations so long, a ring formed on their ass. Women who walked around in their bras from one room to another, not giving a second thought to who might be in the room. We were all family.

So how long does it take for someone to reach that level of comfort? Does it ever happen? What's your experience with this? Are you a bathroom talker or a bathroom door locker? What about your significant other - talker or locker? Let me know!

In the meantime, I'm going to go pee. And I think I'll talk to Ed from the bathroom just to see if he'll answer me.


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1 YEAR AGO: It’s Crazy That I’m Crazy For Keanu
2 YEARS AGO: Gifts That Keep On Giving
3 YEARS AGO: Classic Las Vegas
4 YEARS AGO: Off With Their Heads!

Wish List

When we were kids, we'd go through the Sears Wish Book and circle things we wanted for Christmas; now I guess you just ask kids straight out what they want (from Santa, of course). Since the big day will be here before you know it, my mother recently asked my nephews what they wanted for Christmas.

The oldest said he wanted an iPod, a bow and arrow, the newest Christopher Paolini book.

The middle one said he didn't know yet but he'd give it some thought.

And the youngest gave my very favorite answer; he wants cinder blocks, concrete and a trowel. He even drew my mother a picture of the trowel. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that she'll be bringing that picture to Home Depot to ask one of the employees if they carry anything like it in the store.

Since we're Italian, I suppose asking for cinder blocks, concrete and a trowel could raise a red flag, but he's six, so I think we're pretty safe.

And, he didn't mention anything about lime.


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1 YEAR AGO: He Must Have Learned It From TV
2 YEARS AGO: When Pizza Is Involved, Jesus Is Always In Charge
3 YEARS AGO: Sexier Than The Rockettes
4 YEARS AGO: $3.99 A Minute

My Favorite Geek Scores Two Bargains In One Day

I mentioned this on Facebook already, but I haven't said anything about it here yet....we now have IN-MOTION satellite TV in the truck!

Since we've been on this UPS run, I haven't really been able to watch much of it since when it's my turn to sleep, I actually sleep. Ed, on the other hand, has found himself a comfy little spot on the bed, remote in hand, satellite spinning its little heart out.

Two weeks ago when we we were at Fort Bliss in Texas, Ed got to talking to some of the truck drivers as we were waiting to get loaded. He was saying how we were looking to buy a Qualcomm for when we get started doing A & E (Ammo & Explosives) loads and also that we wanted to eventually get the in-motion satellite system. The Qualcomm and the in-motion satellite system are both around $1,500.00 each, so we thought we'd wait until the new year to buy them.

Wouldn't you know that there were two drivers who actually had these items and were looking to sell them? The guy with the Qualcomm said he'd never even taken it out of the box. From what he told Ed, the truck driving gig was just something for him to do; his real passion was horses. He said he just got his CDL so he could haul his horses to and from shows. He decided he liked the driving part, so stuck with it. He said he had plenty of money (and not in the snobby-I'm-better-than-you way) and he wasn't looking to make any money off the sale, so if Ed wanted, he could have the Qualcomm for $100.00. Well, Ed just jumped all over that! Ed handed over the cash, the guy handed over the brand new unit and two people were very happy.

A little later in the morning, Ed was talking to another guy about satellite TV. This guy said the one he had needed to go in for repair and since his wife couldn't be without TV for a minute out of the day, he just went out and bought a new one rather than waiting on the one he had to be fixed. He was planning on selling his old unit on Ebay. Since he said it needed some repair, he'd give it to Ed for $900.00. Well, another deal was closed within a matter of minutes; Ed bought the satellite dome and all its components from him.

Because Ed is a nerdy little genius, he took the dome apart, spent some time looking at wires and circuit boards and whatever else was under it, and figured out a way to fix it. With soldering iron in hand, he spent a few hours working on the dome, going in and out of Home Depot, each time coming out with one more item to help him get it working. Then suddenly, he burst through the back door, excitedly telling me to "come look!" The satellite was spinning. It was fixed.

Once that was done, he moved on to spray-painting it black to match our truck, drilling holes in the top of our sleeper, snaking the coaxial cable in through the upper cabinets (this is the only part I helped with - grabbing the end as he was pushing it through from outside) and attaching all the components. He made a phone call to the satellite TV company and set up our account. Voilà! Television.

It's actually pretty amazing. Although I don't watch a lot of TV, it's nice to be able to have something to watch when you want to. I usually have the Food Network on, even if the sound is muted. I like seeing the cooking happening. If I see something I like, I raise the volume. As I mentioned, because of the run we've been on, we haven't had a real chance to make a lot of use of it, but I'm glad we have it. There have been many times when our digital antenna can't pick up a signal because we're not near a metropolitan area or don't have a strong signal. This can pick up pretty much anything, anywhere.

I've always been aware of Ed's mastery of gadgetry, but I'm really impressed with his shopping skills. Who knew??

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1 YEAR AGO: Your Beating Heart
2 YEARS AGO: All I Want For Christmas Are My Two Front Teeth
3 YEARS AGO: Eddie Opens An Eye In Vegas Friday
4 YEARS AGO: You’re Giving Me Agida

Logging Lots Of Miles

These log trucks can be seen all over the Pacific Northwest. I've read that logging is one of the most dangerous trucking jobs out there. Many of these trucks drive deep into the forest over roads that are unpaved and typically carved out by bulldozers. The locations where they logs are loaded are very often remote areas with no access to emergency medical care if needed.

It's not uncommon for a logging truck to be parked precariously on a hillside while being loaded down with raw timber. They've been known to topple over due to the weight not being distributed evenly. A logging truck flipping over and rolling down a hillside can't ever be a good thing. I can't even imagine what it would be like sitting in the cab of my truck hoping the guy loading me knows what he's doing.

They often take loads out of the forest that are over their gross allowance, since they haul as much out of the forest as they can, but once they get on the highways, they have to be of legal weight; typically 80,000 lbs. but in some areas, those weights can be higer. Many of the trucks also may pull a triple-axle trailer, which allows for extra weight.

Every time I see one of these trucks, I get a little freaked out. I always envision a log coming off the truck and shooting through the window of my cab, like in the movies. I don't like being behind them as they're going uphill either, for that very same reason. Because they're so heavy, they move super-slow uphill and even though the logs are chained down and the trailers have those stakes on the sides, I just don't trust it being held in if that log decides to move, so I stay faarrrr away.

To see what one of those logging roads looks like, click HERE and watch as the driver navigates the Snow Peak Main Line through the narrow mountainside road high in the Cascade Mountains of Sweet Home, Oregon.

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1 YEAR AGO: Apples, Fudge And Homemade Jam
2 YEARS AGO: Eddie Hick Runs Deep Friday
3 YEARS AGO: If You Can’t Make It To France
4 YEARS AGO: I’m Sleeping With Someone New

Big Trucks + TV = Big Truck TV

Guess what? I've started a new writing venture!

A few weeks ago, I was approached by Dan Robinson, the Senior Field Producer at BigTruckTV.com who asked if I would be interested in being one of the industry expert bloggers on their website. We exchanged a few emails, talked about what he was looking for from me and I put together my first blog post. It just went up this weekend on the site!

Big Truck TV is a "business knowledge media company" and their website features articles and videos dealing with all sorts of issues in the trucking industry; environment, technology, human resources, maintenance, safety & regulations, finance, fleet operations and more. From their most recent newsletter, this is how they describe their operation:

Big Truck TV is a free resource to all in the trucking industry. We have sought out the best practices from fleets and experts across North America and produced
compelling video based case studies and expert point of views. This is a resource we encourage you to use as a learning tool and share it with your peers across your organization. Video is an engaging, dynamic, powerful and effective way to communicate and teach others and Big Truck TV has the largest relevant library of video in the entire trucking industry. Make Big Truck TV your knowledge resource and keep on top of the game to drive results to your bottom line!

I'm excited to be part of the bloggers over there and seem to be in pretty good company as the other bloggers include company CEO's, Presidents, Vice-Presidents, marketing gurus and even a PhD! There are several other women in the group, including Ellen Voie who is the President & CEO of the Women In Trucking Association, but I'm the only owner-operator in the bunch.

You can read my first post entitled "Do You Have An Owner-Operator Mindset?" by clicking HERE. Many thanks to my Eddie, who helped me mesh my knowledge of entrepreneurship (I have several in my family) with his knowledge of being a successful owner-operator. I'm very happy with the outcome of the post, but I'd love to know what you think!

Check out some of the other bloggers here and to read their posts, just click on the words "Read the Blog" next to their mini-bios.

Enjoy!

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1 YEAR AGO: Insane In The Holiday Brain
2 YEARS AGO: Umbrella-ella-ella-ella
3 YEARS AGO: Dress Code
4 YEARS AGO: And It Begins…

South Dakota Sky

I'm very busy driving and sleeping, so I only have time for a picture. Here's a cloud swirl we saw today while cruising across South Dakota; clouds and cows are about the only things you see out here.

Oh, and hay bales.


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1 YEAR AGO: Nutty Friday
2 YEARS AGO: It’s Not So Much Fun To Roll Out Your Best Sales Schpiel On A Mute
3 YEARS AGO: Forced Happiness
4 YEARS AGO: Firestarter

The Ultimate Mrs.

My mother and I were having a discussion last night about how some people get all caught up in their titles and/or position and how they try to intimidate people with it. My mother and I actually have the same take on this; I've never been one to be intimidated by someone just because they were my boss, a boss or whoever happened to be in charge. Neither is she. I don't know why this is or how I came to be that way, but I've never really thought the person who was "the boss" was any better than me. They were just people. My mother feels the same way.

I was telling her about my department boss when I worked at a resort hotel many years ago; his name was Coleman Hughes. When I first met him, he introduced himself to me saying something to the effect of "Hi, I'm Coleman. Nice to meet you." I gave him my name, told him it was nice to meet him too and then went about my business. On occassion, I would need to go to his office for certain permissions or direction, and when I did, I always called him Coleman.

Everyone in the department was afraid of him. They'd cower or disappear whenever he was around. They'd say, "Coleman is coming!" in hushed tones whenever he was near. When he was hovering around the office, they'd be busy like bees until he left. One day, someone overheard my conversation with him and said to me after I left his office, "You called him Coleman???" I said, "Yeah, why?" "You don't call him Mr. Hughes?" I said, "No. He introduced himself to me as Coleman, so that's what I call him." I was alway so amazed how people kissed his ass all over the place. I was just not one of those people.

So in telling my mother this story, she told me one of her own. She used to work at a drug treatment facility in New York that was owned by a recovering alcoholic who happened to be Catholic. The facility also had several nuns on staff and my mother was one of the drug and alcohol abuse counselors. Her department was run by this big Irish guy named John who was a devout Catholic.

At a staff meeting one day while they were discussing patient loads, my mother addressed Sister Mary Katherine Benedicta as Mary. That's apparently when all the trouble began. The next morning before the staff meeting, her boss John said he wanted to see her in his office. So in my mother went.

Whe she sat down, she noticed Sister Mary Katherine in the other chair. John began the conversation by telling my mother that he called her into his office because he wanted to talk to her about the fact that she was disrespectful to Sister Mary Katherine in front of the rest of the staff.

My mother confused, said "How so?'

"Well, you are Catholic, right?" he asked.

"Yes," my mother said.

"Well yesterday at the staff meeting, you did not address Sister Mary Katherine as "Sister". You called her by her first name."

My mother said, "Yeah?" not quite understanding what he was getting at.

"Well, that's disrespectful. You are supposed to call a nun, Sister."

The nun was quiet at first, but then piped in saying "Even Laura calls me Sister and she's Jewish."

"Well, I don't think I did anything wrong." my mother said. "That is your name."

"Being Catholic, you should know that I'm Sister Mary Katherine. By not using my title, you're being disrespectful to me. After all, I am married to God."

"Well, I'm married to Frank and you don't call me Mrs. Porpora."

The nun got all flustered and sputtered, "Well, that's just different."

My mother, not being one to intentionally be disrespectful said "I didn't meant to be disrespectful to you and I'm very sorry if you were offended." The nun seemed okay with the apology but my mother got the distinct feeling that the nun didn't really like her too much.

With that, my mother looked at John, looked at the nun and left the office. She said she felt as if she were being reprimanded in her adult life just as she had been in her youth when she was in Catechism class. She was surprised they didn't make her write one hundred times on the blackboard, "I will not call the nuns by their first names."

I've never been to Catholic school (thank God) but it seems the only thing missing from this little office visit was my mother being smacked on the knuckles with a ruler. Isn't that how the nuns usually got the kids to behave?


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1 YEAR AGO: Happy Thanksgiving
2 YEARS AGO: The Kind Of Contraction That Produces A Laugh, Not A Baby
3 YEARS AGO: Wanderlust Officially Approved
4 YEARS AGO: The Eye Of The Beholder

For Everything Thy Goodness Sends

For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see.
For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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1 YEAR AGO: A Look On The Inside
2 YEARS AGO: Free! Gratuito! Gratis! Ummm….No Charge!
3 YEARS AGO: Life Giver vs. Indian Giver
4 YEARS AGO: The Spaghetti Thanks You

Getting Some Bird A Day Ahead Of The Crowd

Since Ed and I have to start our UPS run tonight at midnight, my mother decided she would host Thanksgiving today, inviting my brother and his family to join us, so we would have a proper turkey dinner before heading out on the road. This is what the kitchen counter looked like early this morning; everything lined up and ready to be filled with deliciousness.


She set the table in advance, putting a little dark chocolate turkey at everyone's place setting. The calm blue of the dining area was getting ready to see some serious eating action. I typed the rest of this earlier today and I am now in my post dinner respite. In a few hours, we'll be hitting the highway toward Louisville. It's the first leg of a 7,200 mile trip. To say I'm looking forward to this first week would be a bold-faced lie. But, the first trip out is always the killer one.

One more hour in the lazy boy and then we're off.

Like big turkeys!



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1 YEAR AGO: The Only Reason Men Do Things Is Because Their Wives MAKE Them
2 YEARS AGO: Here’s Looking At You
3 YEARS AGO: Just Outside The Door
4 YEARS AGO: Trying To Mask The Boredom

Winding Down For The Big Holiday

We're on our way home for Thanksgiving and our route too us through the Fort Apache Indian Reservation in Arizona. We were on State Highway 60, traveling between Show Low and Globe.

The road is very windy, with lots of tight turns and a few hairpins which take you down to the canyon floor before you start up the other side. I took this picture on the other side. You can see part of the road in the picture and also the river that runs through the area. This is what it looks like on my mapping program:

We rarely run through here, but this was the shortest route from Point A to Point B today. I suppose it would be a nice route if you like the mountainess desert (which I do not) or if you like dirt (which I do not) or if you like cactus (which I do not). But it gets us home. And what's at home?

T - U - R - K - E - Y.

Since Ed and I start the dreaded UPS run on Thursday morning at 2am, we are doing "Thanksgiving" tomorrow. And I don't have to cook a thing...my Mommy is doing it all.

Yay for Turkey and yay for Moms!!


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1 YEAR AGO: Pssst! The Fish Are In The Water. Check The Water.
2 YEARS AGO: Elphaba’s Long Lost Sister?
3 YEARS AGO: What Boys (And One Girl) Do On Thanksgiving
4 YEARS AGO: Cold Turkey

My Life According To Sugarland

My friend Grace sent this to me on Facebook and I thought it was a cool meme, so I'm sharing it here.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST or BAND, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Post it on your blog as "my life according to (band name)".

Pick your Artist: Sugarland

Are you a male or female: Baby Girl

Describe yourself: All I Want To Do

How do you feel: Want To

Describe where you live: County Line

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Tennessee

Your favorite form of transportation: Speed of Life

Your best friend is: Love

You and your best friends are: Down In Mississippi and Up To No Good

What's the weather like: One Blue Sky

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: These Are The Days

What is life to you: Something More

Your last relationship: Settlin’

Your greatest fear: Time, Time, Time

What is the best advice you have to give: Stand Back Up

Thought for the Day: Fly Away

How I would like to die: Happy Ending

My soul's present condition: Come On Get Higher

My motto: Take Me As I Am


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1 YEAR AGO: EPCOT On Fire
2 YEARS AGO: Eddie Full Of Turkey Friday
3 YEARS AGO: Crouching Poultry, Hidden Turkey
4 YEARS AGO: Is It Really A Sandwich?