Monday, August 03, 2009

Hot Tuna Doesn't Get Any Play In My Truck

There are two things I absolutely forbid in the truck; open tuna cans and tuna melt sandwiches. The first because it stinks up the whole place; the second, because it's just disgusting.

If I make tuna for lunch, Ed has to take the can outside to open it, pour it in a bowl and throw the can away before I'll let him back in. And then he has to wash his hands before he's allowed to touch anything.

As for tuna melts - they are wrong on every level. Hot tuna? Are you kidding me? It's worse than tuna casserole, which of course is also hot tuna, but baked. The thought of that is enough to make me vomit. It's right up there with SPAM; you'll never get me to eat SPAM and you'll never get me to eat tuna casserole.

If Ed and I go out for lunch and I see that they have tuna melts on the menu, I do everything in my power to distract him. I will suggest items he should order. I point out things that he hasn't had in a while. Stuff that sounds yummy. I take his hand and waltz him past the buffet. I will even show boob; anything to take his mind off the tuna melt.

I have actually resorted to begging just to get him to not order a tuna melt. I make promises I know I'll never be able to keep. I offer money, extra driving hours, foot rubs. Whatever it takes to not have to sit across the table from him and watch him eat that hot slop. Hot slop with cheese and hot mayo on it. I am surprised I was even able to type that sentence without throwing up.

Sometimes he'll sneak one from Subway, but he knows not to eat it in the truck. He obediently sits in the sandwich shop and indulges there. In the truck, it's just not allowed. I don't care that it's his truck. I don't care that he paid for the sandwich. I don't care that he's so hungry, his ribs are showing.

NO HOT TUNA IN THE TRUCK, sandwich or otherwise.

Sorry, Charlie.

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Don Olney said...

I love the fact that clicking on your final "otherwise" link took me to a picture of Hot Tuna at Merlefest! Merlefest is my favorite music place to be in all the world. Before he passed, my brother and I went every year!

Gil said...

You are one tough Lady. After all of the years that my wife and I have been together I don't mind a grilled cheese and tuna or tuna casserole. What I can't stand is Spam and Shepard's Pie and some other casseroles.

Anonymous said...

...some foods are enough to make one barff,tuna melt among them...and whadda ya think about Emeril making an oyster pie...OMG let me stop...yuck, yuck...MAE

TroyNtsn said...

Salena, we need to go to the Grill in Tucson, they have awesome tuna melts. LOL And I love fried Spam and eggs and shepherd's pie

Anonymous said...

How funny ... I can't resist a Tuna Melt. I don't know why, guess I feel safe with it when confronted by a strange menu.

But ... my oldest daughter has a fetish for Sardines...and I can smell it in the air no matter what lengths she goes through to hide the evidence. I go crazy, it stinks sooo badly. So, I sympathize with you. I believe this (your dilemma) is called Tuna Sensitivity Syndrome. The only known cure is to let your loved ones eat Tuna Melts in restaurants while sitting down wind.

p.s. did you know that a good Trucker-style Tuna Melt can be made by spreading margarine on two slices of bread, insert tuna, wrap in foil, then open the truck hood and let it grill for about 50 miles ...

lol please forgive me, I couldn't resist ...hope your boyfriend doesn't really try this.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

well heck... I messed up twice ...that's me "L" aka "Laurie" in that post about Tuna and Sardines, then I tried to fix it and left my blog email accidentally...can't you tell I'm new at driving a Blog?