My mother had a stroke in March, and then in September, she died. I can’t believe I even have to write that sentence. It just doesn't feel real.
My life is forever changed.
I wasn't able to publish this post on December 31st as I usually do because I couldn't bring myself to write it. But my mother loved was my biggest fan, and she loved the year-end memes, so I have finally gotten around to writing it, and I'm backdating it to the 31st so it stays in the 2025 rotation. It's definitely not going to be as interesting as past years, and I'm anticipating it might be a little sad, but I'm going to push forward anyway.
Here we go....
1. What did you do in 2025 that you’d never done before?
I killed a rattlesnake. This one. He was very big and waaaaay too close to me. Ed was out of town, so I had to wield a shovel and take him down myself. He had to go.
I attended a timeshare presentation in Las Vegas. I can confirm it's a hard sell, but we were strong and didn't buy anything. But we did get to stay at a very nice Hilton property while we were saying no for seven hours.
I celebrated my husband's 50th birthday with balloons, cake, and gifts (thanks, Amazon!). Woo hoo! He's still a spring chicken!
I saw a rocket dance across the sky.
I visited the birthplace of Johnny Carson, the television icon I grew up watching with my grandparents.
And then, something I've never done before, and probably the most life-changing, heart-wrenching, overwhelming job I've ever had:
I became a caregiver for my mother.
I’ve helped my parents and my in-laws for years in ways that made their lives easier. I made doctor's appointments, managed medications, helped with gadgets and electronics, drove them places, washed dishes, took out garbage, tidied their homes, etc. But this year, in my job as a round-the-clock caregiver, I finally understood what it was like to be a parent. Sleepless nights, constant worry, wondering if you're doing it right, feeling overwhelmed as you work, hoping you don't do anything stupid to cause harm, sleeping when the baby sleeps....I was essentially in the role of a mother.
My mother's stroke rendered her unable to speak or move her right side. She understood everything we said, but she couldn't speak as she always had. She would respond non-verbally - big, happy eyes when I asked her if she wanted watermelon - or by saying "Yeah" to most of the comments we made or questions we asked of her. Some of those "yeahs" meant "no," but we quickly learned the difference.
my sister-in-law bought her for Easter.
I've always advocated for her, but this was completely different. Now I was responsible for her. Actually, I was responsible for everything. When they released her from the hospital, she came to my house. I set her up in the middle of my house instead of my guest room. I wanted to see her at all times, and I didn't want her to feel alone. I wanted her to see and hear Ed as we moved through the house, and I wanted her to know we were there for her. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. If you know, you know. Ed was a Godsend and helped me whenever I asked, but it didn't make it any easier. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. But also oddly rewarding.
Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter famously stated: "There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers."
I wish none of it ever happened, but I will be eternally grateful that I got to spend every day with my mother in the last six months of her life. Even during that time, in the condition she was in, my mother was always happy and full of joy. I would be lucky to have one shred of her heart and soul.
I didn’t make any. But for 2026, I plan to go back to the plant-based diet and try to drop more weight. That means more days that include my phenomenal lentil soup, seen below.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. My close friends are my age and older, so not really the childbearing age anymore.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. My mother. Devastating. Heartbreaking. Life-changing. Barely able to think about it.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. But we did go to Texas for Ed's niece's wedding. And Texas is kinda like another country.
6. What would you like to have in 2026 that you lacked in 2025?
Travel! Better numbers in my bloodwork. And loads of money when we get back to work!
7. What dates from 2025 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
March 19th, when my mother had her stroke, and September 9th, when she died. No other dates in 2025 mean anything to me.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Taking care of my mother, first and foremost. Surviving. And then, in light of everything I was dealing with, not gaining back any of the weight I lost in 2024.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Most of my year was consumed by taking care of my mother after her stroke, up until her death, and then after, taking care of everything that comes with losing a loved one. This question doesn't fit the reality of what this year demanded, so I have no real answer.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a right thumb trigger finger and carpal tunnel in my right wrist. So far, a steroid shot for both has temporarily decreased the pain.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
This electric knife sharpener, these great pants, these Tabi socks (because you can wear them with flip-flops!), and my favorite kitchen gadget - this Maestri House Milk Frother. It's amazing!! You need one, trust me.
The behavior worth celebrating is my husband Ed’s. He supported me with my mother in ways I never imagined would be needed. He was proactive, compassionate, loving, and consistently went above and beyond anything one might expect a man to do for his mother‑in‑law. I’m genuinely grateful for his devotion and the depth of his contribution.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Most of the people I dealt with in the healthcare industry during this crisis with my mother. I’m absolutely appalled by what I had to deal with. I can’t imagine how someone without my resources would be able to deal with this fucking horrible system during a time when you need it the most.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Food. Amazon. Gadgets that Ed bought.
Excitement wasn't part of my year. Instead, my energy went toward caring for my mother and being fully present for her, and that became the center of everything for me.
16. What song will always remind you of 2025?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat" because that's the first song Ed and I sang with my mother as part of our speech therapy with her. We read that singing was often easier than talking for people with aphasia. We did other songs, too, but this one is the first and the one she was the most successful with.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Significantly sadder, same weight, and probably a bit poorer because we have only worked one month this year.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Language learning. I’ve been invested in Duolingo for 1,770+ days (completed the Italian program and now doing Spanish), but because I haven’t focused on actually speaking, I don’t feel confident using the language. I can read a lot of it, write a lot, and answer written questions, but I can’t really speak it.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wasting time on the phone with people from the healthcare industry. It's bad enough making these calls during normal situations, but during a healthcare crisis like the one I was in with my mother, the amount of time spent on the phone is absolutely inhumane and borderline criminal.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With Ed and my father-in-law. We went out to lunch and then drove up to Mt. Lemmon. Probably one of the worst Christmases in memory for many reasons. But I did bring myself to decorate, so that made me feel a bit better.
21. Did you fall in love in 2025?
Nope.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
I watch a lot of TV. I’m pretty easily entertained, but I watch most things as background entertainment while I scroll on my phone. This year I watched the entire “Alias” series. I love Jennifer Garner!
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not really. I generally hate the same people this year as I did last year.
24. What was the best book you read?
I didn't read any books this year.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
My first discovery is November Ultra (real name, Mélanie Pereira). Born in France to Spanish and Portuguese parents, she sings in French, English, Spanish, and Portuguese. She has a delicate, comforting voice that can lull you to sleep with the right song.
I love her version of Elvis' They Remind Me Too Much Of You, and of my favorite songs from Wicked, For Good. Listen to her sing in French, Spanish, and Portuguese.
And then, I came across this guy on Instagram. Kentucky-raised singer-songwriter Zach Day. describes his style as y'allternative, a mix of Appalachian folk storytelling with modern alternative pop and soul. Described as a queer Appalachian kid raised among coal mines and church pianos, his gift cannot be denied.
Listen to him cover Willie here, Norah Jones here, Linda Ronstadt here, and his take on one of my favorite songs by SWV here.
26. What did you want and get?
I wanted a knife sharpener, and I got it. I didn't have many requests this year.
27. What did you want and not get?
I wanted my mother to recover. Every day I was with her, I was hoping for that. But it didn't happen. It was the one thing that I wanted more than anything I've ever hoped for in my life, and the one thing I just didn't get. But, we were the Three Musketeers to the very end - me, Ed, and Mommy. Always.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't have a favorite, but I did like these four lighthearted flicks: My Oxford Year, The Life List, Nonnas, and The Thursday Murder Club.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 58 this year and went out to dinner with Ed at Charro Steak.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
The only thing that could have made my year more satisfying would have been more time with my mother. Caring for her was the center of my year, and nothing compares to that. This year wasn't about satisfaction; it was about showing up for my mother. The one thing that would have changed everything is something no one could give: a different outcome.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2025?
Literally, whatever was clean. Pajamas, leggings, t-shirts, nightgowns. I barely left the house this year.
32. What kept you sane?
My Aunt Joya and Uncle Vinny. Through the entire ordeal with my mother, they were there for all of it. Hours on the phone. Listening to me crying. Giving me advice. Helping me sort through life stuff. They were invaluable. I will never forget how they came through for me.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I’m completely in love with everything Nabela Noor. I've been following her for a long time and have watched her evolve, and it's just glorious. I love her personal style, her home, her husband, her two girls, her parents, and her soothing voice. I asked AI to help me come up with a description for her voice, and the response couldn't have been more perfect: "Her voice is like warm chai being poured into a ceramic cup — fragrant, calming, and full of gentle sweetness that settles you from the inside out. It’s not just soft; it’s intentional. She speaks the way candlelight glows: steady, warm, and quietly reassuring." Check out her website at the link above and her Instagram account here.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I’m repeating my answer from last year: I'm still going with the demonization of immigrants. I live in a border state, in a town that's almost 43% Hispanic or Latino, and have never had a problem with these people. Ever. NEVER. EVER. The ones I have worked with, socialized with, have done business with, or have had any kind of interaction with have always proven the same thing - they are hardworking, family-oriented, kind people who are just doing their jobs and living their lives like everyone else. Donald Trump, people like him, his supporters, and the right-wing media continue to relentlessly stir up fear and hate towards the Hispanic and Latino population, in addition to members of the Muslim communities. They cause these communities of people harm. And it needs to stop.
35. Who did you miss?
My mother. My first birthday without her. My first Thanksgiving without her. My first Christmas without her. Boom! Boom! Boom! All in a row. I miss my mother so so so so much. I can’t text her. I can’t call her. I can’t ask her questions. I miss her hugs and her smell. It’s just devastating. I have never, and will never, miss a person as much as I miss her.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Dr. Dipendra Dahal. He isn't a friend; I'm not close to him, and we don't have any kind of relationship. He was one of the doctors who cared for my mother when she was in the hospital, and he was just a wonderful human. Smart. Compassionate. Good listener. Explained everything in terms that were easy to understand, and he had so much palpable empathy; I just wanted to hug him. He made that hospital visit a lot easier by being so present and available to fill our needs.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2025.
That no matter how much you’ve done for them, or with them, or how much time you’ve spent with your parents, it’s not enough. Never enough. Do more. Pop in for a visit. Call them. Take pictures and video. Lots of pictures and video. Record their voice. Document the time they have left. You will be so glad you did.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I carried my mother through the hardest chapter of her life, and the hardest chapter of mine, and then I lost her. I don't know that there's a song lyric that can embody the grief and heartbreak that it brought me, so I can't really come up with anything at this time.
And my slogan for the New Year...
Prioritize far-away family and friends.
I plan on making time to visit aunts and uncles, cousins and friends who don’t live in Tucson. People whom I don't see often because I'm on the road. I vow to use my time in the next year to make an effort to get where they are and carve out time for visiting. Connecting with family has always been important to me, but now that my mother is gone, I'm craving it more than ever. I need people to fill my soul with love and laughter and memories and joy.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2024: Ending The Year Lighter Than I Began
2023; Adéu, 2023. Bon Dia, 2024!
2022: Ending The Year Intentionally Unemployed
2021: Christmas All Day And All Night
2020: Contained
2019: Sorry, no post on this day.
2018: The Most Exclusive Rooftop
2017: Cell Block 8
2016: The Price Of American Made
2015: Sunset In The Brick City
2014: The King Of Light
2013: The End Of WiFi???
2012: Through A Canopy Of Oaks
2011: Clap Your Hands
2010: Wishing For A Blizzard But Will Settle For Flakes
2009: A Hideous Thief Exposed
2008: Southwest Sunset
2007: Subtlety Is SO Not His Middle Name
2006: Bridging Chicago
2005: Oxymoronic Holiday
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