Thursday, July 31, 2008

I Might Like It If There Is Some Balling Involved

Ed has been talking about taking a month or two off and ever since he's made that declaration, I have been looking for places to go. My Aunt was recently talking about going to Naples, Florida which prompted me to look at Sanibel and Captiva Islands since they are right on the Gulf. I found a few really nice places, one of which has guest rooms that open right to the beach.

"So have you had any thoughts on where we're going to go for our time off?" I said to Ed.

"I don't know, but Florida is going to be hot...and ball me." he said.

"Ball me?" I said, thinking I was being propositioned.

"Yeah. Ball me. B-A-L-M-Y." he said.

"Baby, it's pronounced bomb-y. Like lip balm. You don't include the L." I told him.

"Yes you do." he said.

"No. You don't. It's not ball me. It's bommy. You say it quick sort of, so you don't hear the actual "L" in the word." I said.

"Well, whatever. It's still going to be hot. And you're not gonna like it."

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

How Well Do You Know Your Stringed Instruments?

As truckers, we rarely watch TV, but we often listen to the radio. A LOT. Ed's interests in music vary greatly, anywhere from Linkin Park to Tchaikovsky. On this particular evening, we were listening to classical music. I don't mind because it's soothing and something different, but I really don't know much about it.

A few songs in, he turns to me and asks, "Do you like the harpsichord?"

"The harpsichord?? I don't even know what the fuck a harpsichord is." I answered.

"You don't know what a harpsichord is?" he said in disbelief.

"Not really."

"Well, you might not want to let anyone know that, cause you'll just look like an idiot." he said.

Oh yeah, because all the people I hang out with are big harpsichord fans and it'll finally be revealed that the reason I never joined their jam sessions is because I didn't have my own instrument and the reason I didn't have one is because I didn't know what it was.

"Well, what about this tune? Do you know the name of it?" he asked.


"But it sounds familiar, right?"

"Yeah, it sounds familiar, but I don't know the name of it." I said.

"Where do you know it from?" he said.

"I think I heard it on an episode of Bugs Bunny."

"Bugs Bunny?? Nooo, that's ridiculous. It's Swan Lake." he said.

"Yeah! Bugs Bunny did do Swan Lake! He wore a tutu and everything!"

He continued to flip through the couple of classical stations on XM, stopping on one particular piece and said, "This guy's got some good stuff."

"This guy?? It sounds like you are talking about the latest new rock talent or something. Who's this guy?" I said.

"Mozart." he answered, matter of factly.

Oh, riiight. That guy. Is he the harpsichord player?

Monday, July 28, 2008

The Absolute Beauty Of It

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love which I have to say, I didn't really love. It took me forever to get through and although I considered putting it aside to start another book, there were just enough things in the book I liked and some humor that made me chuckle, that I had to stick with it to the end. That said, I still wouldn't recommend it.

I did find one thing in the “Eat” portion, which took place in Italy, that I really liked. The passage stated that Americans don’t really know how to do nothing. The author said, “This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype – the overstressed executive who goes on vacation and cannot relax.” She asked her Italian friend if Italians on vacation had the same problem. She said he laughed so hard he almost drove his motorbike into a fountain.

He told her that Italians are the masters of il bel far niente. I'll have to ask Michelle at Bleeding Espresso if the translation is correct, but the author said il bel far niente means “the beauty of doing nothing.” After I read this, I realized that I found the words that exactly describe the philosophy by which I lead my life. I am the Queen of doing niente.

Apparently, learning how to relax is very hard for some people. I have a friend who goes like the Energizer Bunny from the minute she wakes up in the morning until the minute her head hits the pillow, often after eleven in the evening. I know of another person who can't sit long enough to take in a movie or read a book and I have a third friend who poorly manages her free time and then wonders why she doesn't have any time to do niente.

I remember when I used to live at home and my mother would clack her tongue, telling me I should be doing something "productive" with my time off, which is code for cleaning the shed, doing yardwork or organizing my junk drawer. I would always come back with, "But it's my time off. I worked all week and on my day off, I don't want to clean the shed. THAT'S why they call it a day off." She really never understood that, as in her mind, doing nothing meant being lazy. I don't see it that way at all.

For years people have been saying that it
's essential to your mental health to rest your mind and rejuvinate your soul and all that woo-woo crap, by taking time for yourself. Parenting magazines talk about things you can occupy your children with while you take much needed down time, relationship experts advise how to maximize time off with your mate so you both enjoy each other's company instead of fighting over who took the garbage out last and corporations even provide their employees with areas in the building to take quiet time to ease the pressure of their workloads. I never needed any of these options to be imposed on me. I just always knew how to do it; for me, it's intrinsic.

I'd be lying if I said I understood people who don't know how to relax. I don't. I don't get how they are okay with never having a moment of rest. It's not about having money to go on vacation or to get out of town. It's not about turning your life upside down to make drastic changes. It's about knowing how to lie on the couch in your house and watch a movie in the middle of the day. How to drink a latte and read a book. How to take time from the day of organizing your filing cabinet to sit and flip through the magazine you came across while sorting. How to JUST. DO. NOTHING.

It's about il bel far niente.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

In This Case, R & R Means Recumbent And Recuperation


Pulled Muscle

 A hotel room. Chicago, IL

The exercise Gods are evil and possibly sending me a message? Other than that, I can't really think of a good reason.

Approximately 11 pm.

 Let me set the stage for you: Earlier in the evening, I had finished the delicious Baked Mostaciolli, garlic bread, and crisp green salad I had ordered from a local Italian restaurant and delivered to my room (piping hot, to my surprise!). I also had a sliver of
Eli's Famous Cheesecake waiting in the fridge.

I spent most of the evening after dinner lounging around in my beautifully appointed hotel room, sipping premium in-room coffee (with French Vanilla creamer), watching a chick flick on TV, and tapping away on my computer. I had complete control of the air conditioning (66 degrees) and complete control of the remote (hence the girlie viewing choice).

Then, I got up.
What I thought was me rising in a sloth-like manner (slow and deliberate) must have been lightning fast in actuality, because as soon as I rose out of the chair and twisted my body in the direction of more premium coffee, I pulled a muscle.

I couldn't move. Not even an inch.
I gripped the edge of the desk and squeaked out a plea of help to Ed. His ears were encased in noise-canceling headphones as he was working on something on his computer, so he didn't even notice me rise; or standing there like a statue either, apparently.

I cried out to him again and he finally got up to help me. The pain was so severe, you would have thought I took a punch in the rib.

 Ed determined through Dr. Google that I either pulled an abdominal external oblique muscle, had cancer, broke a rib, was riddled with gallstones, or had colonitis; I was rooting for the pulled muscle since it felt as if Charley's Horse was running the Kentucky Derby up the left side of my body.

I was wearing my fuschia velour sweat pants and black spaghetti strap tank top and knew if I got into bed dressed in those pants, I'd be hot and wouldn't be able to move on my own later to get them off and sleep comfortably. I asked Ed to slip my pants down so I could get into bed in just my tank and undies.

At that very moment, I had a sharp stabbing pain and froze in place again as I tightened my grip around Ed's neck and he firmed up his embrace around my waist.
I started to panic thinking that we'd have to call an ambulance and I'd be standing there in my underwear not being able to move.

I think I started to sweat at this point. There was no way I was getting on a gurney without makeup, full as a tick and without finishing my cheesecake.

After he layed me on the bed, he ran around getting i-boo (ibuprofen) and bags of ice. He wrapped my ribs with some cloth, which eased the ache, propped me up with a pillow and an ice pack, and checked on me every twenty minutes. Who knew he had such a great bedside manner??

Now I'm wearing one of
these. I think I'm the only person I know of who has a pulled an abdominal oblique muscle by doing absolutely nothing.

I don't even have a good story. All I did was eat and stand up. That's why I believe the exercise Gods decided to smote me.

On the upside, the back brace works a bit like a girdle and has narrowed my mid-section by inches.

I may have a broken rib and walk like an infant taking her first steps, but I also have a very waspish waist.

Friday, July 25, 2008

All American Eddie Friday

My Eddie hiding behind the screen of his laptop. He's such an All American Nerd!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Oshkosh B'Gosh!

(photo courtesy of

We just hauled components for a U-2 Spyplane to the Airventure Oshkosh air show in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. This plane is the highest flying plane in the world. I was told it can take a picture, in full detail, of something the size of a man's wallet from over 70,000 feet in the air! And why is it we can't find Bin Laden? Perhaps he's hiding in someone's Buxton.

The 2008 Airventure Oshkosh is the largest show of its kind and they expect to host between 800,000 and 1,000,000 people during their week long event, with people flying their own planes from as far as Australia just to attend. Who would have thought an airfield in the middle of a cornfield would draw so many people??

According to one of the event coordinators, during the week the show takes place, their control tower is one of the busiest in the world and the adjacent campgrounds also one of the busiest. Since I don't camp and don't work in a control tower, I'll take his word for it.

The grounds were being set up for the show and if the merchandise and planes being displayed are any indication, it seems their target market are the high flying, upper crust. They even have a "fly-in" theatre - like a drive-in, but with planes. VERY cool!

If you're an aviation buff, click here to choose from over 90 desktop wallpapers from the EAA; there are so many to look at, it'll feel just like you were at the show!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

She Reigns Supreme

I was talking to the Queen of Mixed Metaphors the other night when she let another one slip past her regal lips.

She was telling me about an old friend of hers who once advised her that a particular argument with a mutual friend of theirs wasn't worth pursuing.

"She told me that I was wasting my time and I should just let dead dogs lie." she said.

"Well, that would be easy since dead dogs really have no other choice." I answered.

"Whaaat??" Cue the confused voice.

"Dead dogs, Ma. They only can lie." I said.

Knowing she was on the verge of another faux pas, she started giggling, even though she didn't quite know what she was laughing at yet. "What??" she said.

I swear this is the same exact conversation I have every time this happens; comment, confusion, explanation, laughter, more confusion, more explanation and finally, understanding.

"Mom, it's 'let sleeping dogs lie', not 'let dead dogs lie'. As in, just let things be. Don't disturb a sleeping dog - it only causes trouble. And dead dogs? They're dead. That's why all they do is lie there."

After much more snorting and laughter, she got it. These little incidents always make for such good stories.

Two of my other favorites are:

1. The time she called the R & B group Boys II Men, "That group, Boys R Us"


2. When we were at the drive-up ATM and I commented on how ridiculous I thought it was that the keypad was also in braille, to which she responded, "Well, why not? They're doing so many things these days." Driving, ma? The blind are driving now??

I'm so lucky to have such quality entertainment right at my fingertips.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

This Little Piggy Went To Market

A truckload of piggies. Fortunately for them, they are not going to market. This time they're off to breed - more piggies, more bacon!!

This one was two inches from my camera and were it not for the foam at the corner of his mouth, might be considered cute by some. You know who you are...the people who don't enjoy the other white meat.

Monday, July 21, 2008


My cousin sent me this cool web site, which is where I created the Wordle above.

Try making one of your own! It's a little addictive.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

It's All An Illuuuuusion

See that space between those two mountains?

Aha! There IS no space.

THAT, my friends, is a mirage.

It's hard to tell in the picture, but in person, that space looks like a pool of water. A shimmery blue pool of water. What it actually is? Just more mountain. In fact, this small mountain range goes clear across this entire picture and even the little space on the right side of the picture doesn't really exist. It's also a mirage.

No wonder those people in the desert always got so screwed, walking for hours and even days toward something that looked like an oasis. Eyes playing tricks on them. Throats dry from no liquidy treats. Thinking they could reach out and touch it because it looked so close.

It's sort of like my looking at a Hostess Twinkie thinking it's a carrot, and that by eating it I will not have added another pound to my already generous hips. Damn that mirage-like trickery!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Western Ed Friday

This little hat and duster ensemble that Ed is modeling can only be described as Early American Cowboy. The perplexing thing to me, is why they would sell this in a truckstop.

There aren't any stagecoaches parked out in that thar lot, and when we talk horsepower, people, we don't actually mean horses.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Things We Do For Love

You know the lyrics to the song:

"Like walking in the rain and the snow when there's nowhere to go, when you're feeling like a part of you is dying...and you're looking for the answer in her think you're gonna break up, then she says she wants to make up..."

There are lots of things people do for love. The thing I do? Endure Ed's odd (crap-ass) choice of movies.

Just last night I was subject to another one of the movies he wanted me to see. Usually, I will resist with every fiber of my being and do everything in my power to get out of having to watch it; I tell him I've already seen it (until he makes me prove it by asking what my favorite part in the movie was), try to trick him into thinking he chose the last movie, so now it's my turn, vow to do all his paperwork for the next six months if he doesn't subject me to another cinematic disaster, and if all else fails, I detail and promise the most fantastical sexual escapade one could think of.

None of these tactics ever work.

So now I can add American Psycho (deranged Christian Bale) to the list of horrible movies I've acquiesced to before I continue my mourning of the two hours of my life that I'll never be able to get back.

Some of the others I've had to sit through while acting the part of the "good girlfriend" are:

The Machinist (skinny, creepy Christian Bale)

Requiem For A Dream (only enjoyable if you are taking hallucinogens)

Silver City (political snore)

Harsh Times
(neurotic, thieving Christian Bale)

(fat George Clooney)

Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy
(I fell asleep in the theater)

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
(five minutes into the movie, when the flying refrigerator made its appearance, is when I walked out)

I'm not wholly a chick flick girl like most guys claim their women are. I do like love stories and musicals, but I also like action, drama, documentaries and Indie films. I'm not a fan of horror, war movies or sci-fi.

Thank God I wasn't around when Ed decided to watch Pi. I think I would have seriously considered how I could take my own life with a Twizzler had I been forced to watch a movie about math.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

An Island Of COWS, Lobsters And Girls In Imaginary Prairie Dresses

On Prince Edward Island in Canada, you can't help but notice all the COWS Ice Cream stores; the island is small, but it seems like you can always find one. They were founded on the island and are pretty much famous there, although there are a few other locations across Canada and even one in the United States! The ice cream was good, but the real draw seems to be their parody t-shirts. Take a look at the COWS web site to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

That said, since this place is so popular, you can't pick up a publication without seeing this picture:

It's on the back of the visitors guide and inside most of the tourism publications. Moving on to how this picture ties in to the rest of my story...

While in Charlottetown, we decided to dine at Lobster On The Wharf restaurant. Since this isn't a restaurant review, I will not go into detail about the faboo scallops I had, but will say that absolutely everything that touched our tongues that night was superb. Blah, blah, blah....freakin' GREAT food and yummy lobster. Seriously. But I don't want to talk about food for once (if you can believe that) because the best part of our dinner was actually our waitress Kendra.

First of all, before I tell you more, you must know that being on the island is like stepping into the past. Everyone is so freakin' friendly you wonder if you're still in North America. It was seriously like being on another planet; so noticeable that even Ed commented. And you just gotta know people are pushing nice when a person who comes from small town Texas, where most people are infected with suthun' charm, sickly sweet niceness and an overabundance of lovin' thy neighbor, has something to say about it.

Not only was she on top of every detail during our dinner, but she told us about her life, her family, her education, her ambitions, her experience when she first traveled to the United States, her life on the Island, her finances, her living arrangements, her boyfriend, her boss and her friends. She sat with us at our table, recommended must see sights, told us which places to stay away from (not for crime reasons, but for boredom reasons) and even drew us a map.

I was enchanted. And when she flipped the page over in our travel guide and asked us if we'd been to COWS yet, we were able to answer "Of course!" and mentioned that we even bought a Moos Anatomy t-shirt. It was at that moment when she pointed to the girl in the advertisement and said, "She works here."

"Seriously???" I asked.

"Yes. And oh my God, she's SO super nice!" Yeah, what a surprise. Island girl, right? What else would you expect? After we paid our bill and were getting ready to leave, she asked me if I wanted to meet her.

"Hell, yeah!!" I responded. I must have looked like a freak because even though I thought I was being subtle by trying not to look overly interested, I think I might have clapped my hands together like a five year old. Or an ape getting ready to eat a banana. I'm not sure.

So she went in the back and came out with two of her little friends. I felt like I was meeting a celebrity. I'm so corny like that. We talked with the three of them for about twenty minutes and not once did those smiles come off their faces. They kept gushing about how much they loved us and how great we were. And I gushed back, telling them the very same thing.

(Emily, Kendra [our waitress], and Lauren)

They were three of the warmest young girls I think I have ever met. Fresh faced, sparkly eyed, perky, happy, untouched by the world (it seemed) and pleasant in a way I can't even convey. I felt like I was in a real life Little House On The Prairie episode (minus Nellie, of course) and they should have been wearing bonnets and floral print dresses.

I left with my heart full of this beautiful little island and the desire to visit again. Their hospitality has far superceded any place I've been thus far. Their joy unmatched. So not only do I get to have such fond memories, if you look close enough, you'll even see where Emily signed my travel guide!!

You may say it. I'm a dork.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Eternity Is Going To Be SO. MUCH. FUN.

Today my best friend Vicki and I were having a conversation about our "trademark" silver hoop earrings. My trademark first, but I've converted her. And now, she's converted HER friend. Here's part of our instant message conversation:

BEST FRIEND: I got Garnett to buy a pair of silver HOOPS!

ME: way to go!!!!!

BEST FRIEND: AND, she looks GREAT in them. She put mine on.

ME: "Hoop Girls"


ME: We gotta get a teeny pair for Mina too

BEST FRIEND: The funny thing is....there have been many people that have asked if we were SISTERS....of course we laugh

ME: Ed just bought ME a pair the other day for our 4 year "anniversary" this month - they were $40!!!! When I found out, I wanted to crack him in the head, even though they're nice. lol

BEST FRIEND: Well, I BET the shit that Beth sent ME and that I gave YOU ....

ME: I still like the ones you gave ME that your cousin got YOU. I wear those a LOT!

BEST FRIEND: was just about that or MORE

ME: I love them. But if you want them back - just say the word.


ME: I have so many pairs, it would be just fine - especially now that you're a girl, you might want to wear them. Although, i think your reason for not wearing them was that they were heavy.

BEST FRIEND: NO, they are too heavy

ME: lol

BEST FRIEND: WE have ONE brain


BEST FRIEND: My GAWD what would I do without you. We MUST die together.....BUT is has to be AFTER my kids are able to care for themselves. lol

ME: of course


ME: Since women outlive men, our guys will already be gone

BEST FRIEND: Then we can LIVE!!!

ME: we can have them bury us in one hole. lol

BEST FRIEND: I want to spend eternity with YOU

ME: I hope we die doing something fun together - like vacationing somewhere


ME: only when we're old though.

BEST FRIEND: I LOVE Ant but YOU is who I want to spend forEVER with, lol

ME: eternity....together.
ME: I agree. Finally together as one. lol


ME: it's like that dust to dust thing
ME: we started together, we end together

BEST FRIEND: i know. ugh, RIGHT

ME: You crack ME up

BEST FRIEND: Swee, YOU are totally the OTHER part of who I am. You do things completely different but I don't care.....
BEST FRIEND: and YOU are my
BEST FRIEND: "Traveling Pants"

ME: funny. I am.

BEST FRIEND: I LOVE my life BUT I LOVE yours TOO and I get to be part of it as do my kids

ME: I know. And I get to be part of your life and HAVE no kids. lol


ME: it's perfect. Every two people should share one brain. It's so much easier on the respective bodies. lol

BEST FRIEND: I AGREE.....look how much we get to DO!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Four Standards, One Newbie

The first four of items are makeup bag staples for me. The fifth is a new find.

1. I always carry a small amount of concealer and a small amount of foundation with me but it wasn't until I had this idea that I realized what a genius I really was. If you can't tell what this is, it's a case for contact lenses. It's perfectly small enough to fit in my makeup bag and it holds just the right amount of product for several applications if needed. Again, I am such a genius with this idea that Allure magazine ought to be paying me. In addition, if you happen to SEE this in a magazine, know that it was here first. I have read every magazine known to woman regarding beauty products and anything remotely connected to beauty products and in all the tips and tricks and new idea columns, I have NEVER come across this. You can get them for less than five dollars at any Wal-Mart, Target or online. Check out these funky cases and know that you saw it here first!

2. Another MIND BLOWING discovery. Any woman out there who uses lipliner, eyeliners or any other pencils that need to be sharpened, know that there is no way to keep the sharpener in your makeup bag without the shavings getting all over everything. As you can see, this sharpener is not new or in pristine condition, as there are shavings rubbed all over it. The box it sits in is a fuse box that you can find in any auto parts store. It holds those little fuse-y things. If you don't know what they are, walk into any Auto Zone and ask for the aisle where they keep the fuses. There are different size boxes, all very small, but I'm sure you'll find one that will suit your needs. Oh, and the fuses? Throw them away. Unless of course, you know what the hell to do with them.

3. These are little wands that can be found at most cosmetic counters or cosmetics stores like Ulta or the makeup mecca, Sephora. They are used so one can sample mascaras - a single use wand. What I use them for? To comb my unruly brows. And, if you put a little hairspray (for hold) or lip balm (for shine) on them, they make your brows look STUNNING.

4. This is no secret, but it's my must have tool, a Tweezerman tweezer. I prefer the slant tip tweezer, but any choice is a good one. Their products are so reliable and the tweezer comes with a lifetime of FREE sharpening. What more can you ask for?

5. And my fifth and final product is a new find. I came across it at Nordstrom Rack. Rice powder is so silky and such a great way to take care of any sheen you don't want in an undetectable manner. This can be worn alone or over foundation. They also make rice papers, which are easy to carry in your purse. Either way, Palladio seems to have rice powder covered. Also, I liked the interesting little square box.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Time Isn't The Only Thing That Flies When You're Having Fun

This Original Palm Sketch by Salena depicts the action that takes place every time our path crosses a casino. Whether it be Wendover, Reno, Las Vegas, Atlantic City or any small Indian reservation across that land that allows for gambling, the result is usually the same.

It all begins with the words, "We'll only play twenty dollars" but ends with, "I can't believe we lost that. much. money."

It has wings, I tell you; and takes flight the minute we hit the door.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

My, What A Nice Berg You Have

We heard about the icebergs while up in Newfoundland, but many people said we'd be lucky to see any. We drove to Twillingate anyway, located in the Northern part of the island; or "The Rock" as some like to refer to it as.

Ed drove while I kept my eyes peeled for what we were told could be giant chunks of ice; ice that comes from Greenland, waaaaaay up there in the Arctic Circle! So we're driving along and all of a sudden, on the horizon, I saw this:

Yes, it was far away and yes, it looked small. But it was such a stark, bright white against the water and the mountains that it was like seeing a Ivory-billed Woodpecker, but because it was bigger and moving much slower, I got a good look. I think I actually shrieked at Ed.

I've seen glaciers up in Alaska, but I've never seen a huge, floating mass of pure ice. I zoomed in and this is what it looked like:

And then I zoomed even closer still, and got this shot:
Throughout the course of the afternoon, we saw many more icebergs (and one whale), big and small and Ed even scooped a chunk out of the water and crushed it up to put in our drink.

Read more about the icebergs in Newfoundland in this online
Coastal Living magazine article.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Intense Eddie Friday

Crotchety Old Woman

Today I was so aggravated with just about everything that happened that I saw my geriatric self rearing its ugly head if I don't reel it in.

What was that vision, you might ask?

Me throwing rocks at kittens and toddlers.

Yeah, not a pretty sight.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

It Came At A Perfect Time

(photo courtesy of the internet)
I got this in an e-mail from my Aunt the other day. It could not have come at a better time. I usually delete all dopey chain e-mails immediately upon opening, but this one was worth reading. Here it is:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

TIT-illating Sights On The Road

I was driving. Ed was on the computer. I'm on a three lane interstate in the far right lane. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car come into the middle lane. As it positions itself in the lane, it swerves a little close to the line between me and them and I'm thinking, Hey buddy, stay in your own lane! I contemplate giving them a little honk of the 'ol horn but they moved back over, so I didn't.

I glanced over at the car briefly and saw a set of woman's legs propped up on the dashboard. I looked back at the road and thought, What is she wearing?? That seemed like an awful lot of skin for a leg.

So I glanced over again, but since I couldn't take my eyes from the road for too long, what I initially saw threw my mind into processing several thoughts at once; Is she wearing shorts? A skirt? Why does she seem to have skin showing from her ankle to her shoulder? Is that a baby she's nursing???

For some reason, I wasn't comprehending what was going on and because I was driving, I couldn't really pay all that much attention to what was happening. Finally, I looked into the distance at the lane ahead of me, saw that all was clear and I readied myself to take a good long look at what was going on in the passenger seat of the car that was still driving too close to me.

I looked over again, concentrating on where all the skin seemed to be coming from and realized...the woman had her breasts out!!! BOTH of them. Every BIT of them. And they were big. And I saw nipple. BOTH nipples, actually. And I'm thought to myself, Holy shit! Are those her breasts??? Those can't possibly be her breasts! Oh my God, those are her breasts.

So I shrieked at Ed, "Oh my God, Baby! That woman has her tits out!!"

And Ed, who couldn't be swayed by another woman's tits if her nipples were poking him in the eye, barely lifted his head from the computer screen to say, "Huh?"

"Her tits! That woman! She has her tits out. Oh my God! All of them. Out! You can see nipple! BOTH nipples! And she's sitting there with her arms crossed, talking to whoever is driving the car like it's normal!"

"Do you think she knows they're out?" he said.

"Baby. Of course she knows they're out. I mean, she had to take them out. Breasts that size don't just fall out of your top without your knowing. And believe me, I know."

I don't know why I didn't have my camera handy, but even if I did, I couldn't have taken a picture since I was freaking driving. Ed was still sitting there on his computer, glancing over to look out my window, which he couldn't see out of because the car was in the lane right next to me, at the side of my door.

"You have to look at this!" I said to him. "Get up!"

He got up and leaned over to look, when at the same time the car moved over to the far left lane. So now not only can we see the woman with her tits out, but we can see the driver - an older, gray haired man. Oh, I should say at this point that the woman wasn't young, but neither was she a granny; she must have been in her late forties or early fifties.

The guy looked over at us at the same time we looked over at him. I was laughing and pointing at her breasts and Ed looked right at him, smiled broadly and gave him a how ya doin' wave. The guy looked pissed and glared at us like we were weird and then quickly accelerated away from the truck.

I completely believe they intentionally drove close to my truck to get my attention and since the woman never looked up and the guy couldn't see me, they must have assumed that I was going to be a man and get a big kick out of seeing a set of bare tata's. I'm thinking they weren't counting on the fact that I see double D's every day when I look in the mirror. I was also thinking it was a good thing I didn't honk because they may have taken it as encouragement to do more.

I'm always looking in other cars, whether I'm the driver or the passenger. And believe me, you see a lot of interesting stuff, but I have to say this is the first time I've been exposed to intentional nudity. And if Ed were driving, we wouldn't have seen it at all because after 12 years, he rarely notices anything that goes on inside other cars.

The thing that cracks me up is the fact that I know people do this on purpose. Hell, I had a friend who once flashed a trucker out of the sunroof of my car while I was driving. But for that guy to look at us like we were invading their privacy?? Like I shouldn't have looked? And I shouldn't have alerted everyone and anyone in my vehicle to look?

Well, if that's what he thought, then he should probably tell his wife to put her nipples away.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

I've NEVER Colored Inside The Lines. Why The Surprise?

The other day my mother was telling me how proud she was of me becoming a truck driver. I don't know why, since I've had oh, about a million jobs in my life (short attention span); what's the big deal about this one?

Every time I think about it, I just get happy." she said. "I love that you decided to do something, went to school and got the training and now here you are traveling the country. You've always been so good at using the crayons outside of the box."

"Mom, it's thinking outside of the box. Not using crayons outside of the box." I said.

"What is it? What are you saying?"

"Thinking outside of the box. As in, going against the grain. Not the norm. Being unconventional."

"Oh," she laughed, "Well, whatever it is, you're good at it."

Isn't it interesting how the personality traits you get reprimanded for as a child, are the same ones you get applauded for as an adult?

Friday, July 04, 2008

Eddie's Independence Friday

HOW does he not sweat when it's over 100 degrees???? Happy 4th of July!

Thursday, July 03, 2008


Crater Lake, Oregon. You really need to click on this picture to get the full effect. Photo taken by Ed.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Perfectly Reasonable Defense

I think "because it was hot" should be an acceptable defense for committing murder in Arizona.

I know if I were on the jury, I'd totally vote "not guilty".

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Worn By The Sea

A piece of driftwood and sandstones in Cavendish, Prince Edward Island.