Wednesday, July 09, 2008

TIT-illating Sights On The Road

I was driving. Ed was on the computer. I'm on a three lane interstate in the far right lane. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car come into the middle lane. As it positions itself in the lane, it swerves a little close to the line between me and them and I'm thinking, Hey buddy, stay in your own lane! I contemplate giving them a little honk of the 'ol horn but they moved back over, so I didn't.

I glanced over at the car briefly and saw a set of woman's legs propped up on the dashboard. I looked back at the road and thought, What is she wearing?? That seemed like an awful lot of skin for a leg.

So I glanced over again, but since I couldn't take my eyes from the road for too long, what I initially saw threw my mind into processing several thoughts at once; Is she wearing shorts? A skirt? Why does she seem to have skin showing from her ankle to her shoulder? Is that a baby she's nursing???

For some reason, I wasn't comprehending what was going on and because I was driving, I couldn't really pay all that much attention to what was happening. Finally, I looked into the distance at the lane ahead of me, saw that all was clear and I readied myself to take a good long look at what was going on in the passenger seat of the car that was still driving too close to me.

I looked over again, concentrating on where all the skin seemed to be coming from and realized...the woman had her breasts out!!! BOTH of them. Every BIT of them. And they were big. And I saw nipple. BOTH nipples, actually. And I'm thought to myself, Holy shit! Are those her breasts??? Those can't possibly be her breasts! Oh my God, those are her breasts.

So I shrieked at Ed, "Oh my God, Baby! That woman has her tits out!!"

And Ed, who couldn't be swayed by another woman's tits if her nipples were poking him in the eye, barely lifted his head from the computer screen to say, "Huh?"

"Her tits! That woman! She has her tits out. Oh my God! All of them. Out! You can see nipple! BOTH nipples! And she's sitting there with her arms crossed, talking to whoever is driving the car like it's normal!"

"Do you think she knows they're out?" he said.

"Baby. Of course she knows they're out. I mean, she had to take them out. Breasts that size don't just fall out of your top without your knowing. And believe me, I know."

I don't know why I didn't have my camera handy, but even if I did, I couldn't have taken a picture since I was freaking driving. Ed was still sitting there on his computer, glancing over to look out my window, which he couldn't see out of because the car was in the lane right next to me, at the side of my door.

"You have to look at this!" I said to him. "Get up!"

He got up and leaned over to look, when at the same time the car moved over to the far left lane. So now not only can we see the woman with her tits out, but we can see the driver - an older, gray haired man. Oh, I should say at this point that the woman wasn't young, but neither was she a granny; she must have been in her late forties or early fifties.

The guy looked over at us at the same time we looked over at him. I was laughing and pointing at her breasts and Ed looked right at him, smiled broadly and gave him a how ya doin' wave. The guy looked pissed and glared at us like we were weird and then quickly accelerated away from the truck.

I completely believe they intentionally drove close to my truck to get my attention and since the woman never looked up and the guy couldn't see me, they must have assumed that I was going to be a man and get a big kick out of seeing a set of bare tata's. I'm thinking they weren't counting on the fact that I see double D's every day when I look in the mirror. I was also thinking it was a good thing I didn't honk because they may have taken it as encouragement to do more.

I'm always looking in other cars, whether I'm the driver or the passenger. And believe me, you see a lot of interesting stuff, but I have to say this is the first time I've been exposed to intentional nudity. And if Ed were driving, we wouldn't have seen it at all because after 12 years, he rarely notices anything that goes on inside other cars.

The thing that cracks me up is the fact that I know people do this on purpose. Hell, I had a friend who once flashed a trucker out of the sunroof of my car while I was driving. But for that guy to look at us like we were invading their privacy?? Like I shouldn't have looked? And I shouldn't have alerted everyone and anyone in my vehicle to look?

Well, if that's what he thought, then he should probably tell his wife to put her nipples away.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG! That is so damn funny I can't stand it! I actually had to get up and drag the port-a-pottie out before I could comment. Wait that's probably too much information. But it will have to stay cause I'm typing in the dark and can't find the backspace key.

I LOVE Ed's reaction. That's probably exactly how I would react. "Do you think she knows they're out?" LOL

That's good stuff! I gotta read this one to Stace.