What Would The Sioux Think?

This sculpture, on the 24th Street Bridge in Council Bluffs, Iowa, spans Interstate 80. 

Every time I drive through here I think, "What the hell is that??"  I call it "that Edward Scissorhands thing" because that's what it reminds me of.

The Iowa West Foundation paid $3 million for the sculpture.  It's called "The Odyssey" and it's supposed to be a tribute to western Iowa's agricultural history.  Its presence has elicited many reactions, including more than one person getting into an accident because they were distracted by it. 

The artist who created it - Albert Paley - is known for his large-scale works.  "Notable examples of his work are the Portal Gates for the Renwick Gallery of the Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC, the Portal Gates for the New York State Senate Chambers in Albany, and a ceremonial archway in Forest Park for the Saint Louis Zoo. Works by Paley can also be found in the permanent collections of many major museums including the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, and others throughout the world."
Paley said of the sculpture:  "You’re not going to see this anywhere else. It’s a ceremonial gateway, a sense of place and an entrance to Iowa that reflects grandeur and symbolism. It is a  place with an incredible sense of the land and of nature - with the play of sun, wind, and shadows.”
Uh, okay.  Still not gettin' the agriculture connection, though.  



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2017: 360 Degrees Of Blue Sky
2016: Sunlit Trees
2015: Kitchen Troubadour
2014: The Earth Is 75% Water. Grab A Fork.
2013: Reflection On The Island
2012: Sprinkled
2011: Prized Good Luck Piece
2010: Summer In The City
2009: I Should Get A Job Working The Pole At A Boy Scout Camp
2008: The Flavor Of Life
2007: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
2006: Again??? But You Just Got Off The Phone With Her!
2005: A Cow’s Opinion

Thirty-Thousand Square Feet Of Stuff To Spend Money On

It doesn't matter how many times we go to the Iowa 80, I'm always in awe of how gigantic it is.  These pictures were taken from the upper level of the main building, overlooking the showroom.

Rows and rows of chrome...

Truck accessories (Look at that first display case - those are all steering wheels)...

Map books, air fresheners, logbooks, cleaning products, storage bins, seats, baseball hats, clothing, cowboy boots...

They even have a full service embroidery shop.  You can have ANYTHING embroidered on anything.  They have several books' worth of designs, and they can even take a photograph and turn it into a stitched creation on a t-shirt or jacket or blanket or baseball cap.

We never leave without buying something, but I swear one of these days I'm going to have something stitched.

Perhaps a Daily Rant t-shirt?


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2012: Truckin’ With Ed
2011: Way Better Than Seven Years In Tibet
2010: His Charm And Understated Humor Is Totally Contagious
2009: The Creature Comforts Of Home
2008: Checklist
2007: Happy As A Clam
2006: Two Things
2005: Good For Licking

Pyrotechnic Parade Across The Midwest

NOTE TO SELF:  Never attend a fireworks viewing without a tri-pod.

We spent the Fourth of July in Altoona, Iowa.

Did you know there's a place there called Adventureland?  Adventureland.  Isn't that  so quaint?  So Iowa-ish.  A good old-fashioned fun park in the Midwest.

But rather than actually going to the park - that would have been the worst way for me to spend the holiday - we parked across the street in the Menards parking lot and watched the show from there. With everyone else in town, it seemed.

We were able to climb to the very top of our load - a load of aluminum catwalks of all things, which was perfect - and standing on the top piece, which was about ten feet off the ground, had a pretty great view of the sky in front of us.

In this picture, you can see a blue burst of fireworks color to the right center of the photo (the light rays coming from the sides are the parking lot lights) and that glowing little hump just above the top end of the freight on our trailer, is the rollercoaster at the park, which was all lit up.

Of course I missed every burst of the finale and what I did get was blurry, but here you go...the Altoona, Iowa Adventureland Finale.  Ta-da!

Don't you feel as if you were right there?

Next, we're hitting another Iowa show tomorrow night - not sure where yet - and then we'll do the big show in Chicago on Saturday night.

It's a fireworks extravaganza!!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2012: Plane, Train, Or Automobile – Just Get Me To Canada!
2011: Hello, Kitty. Who’s Your Friend?
2010: If It’s Good Enough For Homeland Security, It’s Good Enough For Me
2009: The Top At Dock
2008: Night Interrupted
2007: Just A Train And A Tree
2006: This is One Lawn Boy I Have No Desire To See Naked
2005: Not So Cuddly

When Summer Comes, The Countdown To Fall Begins

We were on Interstate-80 in Iowa and saw the backup before we crested the hill.  That's when Ed turned the CB on (we never keep it on) to see what was happening.  Something about a truck in the ditch, jokes about which company the driver worked for, which lane was open to get around it, and how long it was going to be before someone got out there to clean it up.

As we got closer, we saw a vehicle on its side.  The truck was in the ditch on the right.

It was a pickup truck pulling an RV.  Looked like a new RV, and that he was with one of those companies that delivered them.  The pickup was upright as you can see, but the area where it hooked together was twisted, and the RV was on the side, with the bottom ripped off.

My first comment was, "No doubt he was speeding."  People with RVs, whether they're driving them or delivering them, typically drive like mad.  You'll sometimes seem them weaving and wiggling as they change lanes, and they also tailgate.  They have no idea that they're not just driving their vehicle, they're pulling something behind it.

As we came around the overturned RV, there were these two smacked up cars.  I'd say they were probably speeding also.  Or weaving through traffic.  Or texting.  Or plain 'ol not paying attention.  Did I mention it was raining torrentially on and off?  We see this all the time, these people who are annoyed by slow-moving trucks, or are just in a big hurry - in the middle of nowhere Iowa?? - to go who knows where.  People who cut in front of you from two lanes over to get off an exit. 

And what gets me, is that the driver of the truck winds up in a ditch.  He's probably there because he did what any good truck driver would do - anything in their power to avoid slamming into three passenger vehicles.  He probably had nowhere to go and had to ditch it. 

What sucks about trucks getting in accidents with passenger vehicles - which contain people who are almost always out for a joy ride, or going to the store, or coming home from work, or taking their kids to the movies - is that when they get in an accident, the driver of the passenger car rarely has to worry about losing their jobs.

No matter what we do, especially now with the CSA in place, even when something isn't our fault, our livelihoods are in jeopardy.  And even when someone does the right thing, like veering to avoid a horrific accident, they often still face repercussions from their employer and others.

Granted, it may have been his fault, but statistics provided by the United States Department of Transportation Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration report something all of us truck drivers already know...

When there's a collision between a big truck and a passenger vehicle, it's almost always the fault of the passenger vehicle. 

So while most people in the country are loving summer and the road trips that come with it, we live in a constant state of heightened awareness - more than usual - because there are so many more non-professional drivers on the road.

I'm counting the days until summer is over, kids are back in school, and the traffic is relegated to the morning and evening rush hours.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2012: Tough Choice: Scale Mountains Or Flip Channels
2011: Eyes On The Road
2010: When You Own, You Owe
2009: It’s Not The Nina, Pinta And Santa Maria
2008: One Word At A Time
2007: The Only Way It Could Have Been Better Would Be If It Came With A Side Of Fried Rice
2006: Wanna Sip Of My Jagermeister?
2005: Playing Favorites

Iowa Beef Dresses Up For The Holidays

Seen in Des Moines, Iowa. They take their beef seriously.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Weather, Wyoming And Wings
2 YEARS AGO: The End Is Not Just Near, It’s Here!!
3 YEARS AGO: Keeping The Mountain On The Right Side Of The Fence
4 YEARS AGO: Divine Intervention Comes A Little Too Late
5 YEARS AGO: General Delivery
6 YEARS AGO: Frumpy To Nicole

A Window To The Past

In our travels during this UPS thing (I've taken to calling it a "thing" around the truck), we went through Pella, Iowa, a place I've been wanting to visit for a while. Maybe it's because I'm familiar with Pella Windows, the company with the bright yellow logo, although that's kind of a lame reason, huh? I think it has something to do with the fact that it's a place that shares the name of a well-known product and when I heard it, just wanted to visit. Kinda like Corning, New York or Hershey, Pennsylvania. It's a little more interesting. Although Hershey does have chocolate.

So, we went. I wanted to see the famous Vermeer Mill, an authentic working Dutch Mill. So we drove past the Pella Manufacturing Plant, through downtown Pella, in order to pass by the mill so I can snap a picture. It stands on the corner of Franklin and East First Street.
The Pella website says the windmill is 100% wind powered and the total height to the tip of the most upright blade is 124', giving the Vermeer Mill the distinction of being the tallest working windmill in the United States. It was built by Lucas Verbij from Hoogemade, Netherlands and assembled in Pella by two Dutch craftsman. It's an authentic, working grain mill (grinding wheat into flour) patterned after a similar 1850's grain mill in the province of Groningen, Netherlands. The stone ground flour the mill grinds is packaged and used by local bakeries and restaurants.

According to Wikipedia, Pella was founded in 1847 when eight hundred Dutch immigrants led by Dominee (a Dominee is a pastor in the Dutch Reformed Church) Hendrik P. Scholte settled the area. The name Pella is a reference to "Pella in the Perea", where the Christians of Jerusalem had found refuge during the Roman-Jewish war of 70. The name was selected because Dominee Scholte and the rest were also seeking religious freedom. Pella is also the childhood home of Wyatt Earp, whose father Nicholas Porter Earp had settled on a farm near Pella. His brothers Warren and Morgan were born in Pella.

It's a pretty area, with a downtown that personifies what people think of when they hear the words "small town America". The streets of downtown converge around a main square, where Tulip Time, the tulip festival, is held in May. The businesses that line the streets have names harkening to its Dutch heritage, like the Vander Ploeg Bakery. Next time, I'll definitely be stopping in for one of their famous Almond Logs!
I'd love to see the town in spring and summer, when the trees are full and the flowers are in bloom, or on a snowy winter night when all the Christmas lights are twinkling. It almost makes me want to live in a place like this.

Almost.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: A Killer Rest Area
2 YEARS AGO: The Barn Man
3 YEARS AGO: Text Me
4 YEARS AGO: Eddie Gets Impatient Friday
5 YEARS AGO: If You Have A Note, Then It’s Perfectly Okay To Commit Credit Card Fraud
6 YEARS AGO: Limo Scene

Fire Up The Grill

This week, on our way out to Las Vegas, we had a little extra time to stop for lunch. We spent the night at the Iowa 80 truckstop, did a little shopping in the morning after breakfast, wasted more time goofing off in the truck, and then mid-afternoon, finally got out on the road.

We didn't make it very far before Ed decided he was hungry. And he wanted steak. For years, we've been hearing about a steakhouse in Grinnell, where you can cook your own meat. There are actually two in the immediate area, but this one is just off the interstate, at Exit 182.

On one hand, I guess I understand the novelty of grilling your own steak; on the other hand, I don't get why people go out to eat to cook their own food. There's also a salad bar, which means you have to get your own salad. I mean, what's the point of going out to dinner if you have to do everything yourself?

We were there for lunch, and the grill-it-yourself is only during dinner hour, so the kitchen cooked our meal (for an extra $3.00 per person). We both ordered the Petite Filet Mignon, which came with home fries and Texas toast. It was delicious:

They have a second grill, off the bar area. From what we were told, it seems they get pretty busy. I can only imagine the pushing and shoving around the grill. I don't even like to cook in my kitchen when Ed is standing next to me, I can't imagine having to grill my steaks with strangers bumping my elbows.



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1 YEAR AGO: The Voice Of Tucson Speaks
2 YEARS AGO: Crossing Over To The White Side
3 YEARS AGO: Eddie Voyager Of The Seas Friday
4 YEARS AGO: Indiscriminate Discrimination
5 YEARS AGO: Dancing Queen

A Peek At A Working Team

About two months ago, I wrote about meeting with Linda Sands, the author of a new book about modern truck drivers. She's in the research and writing stage right now but I really hope to one day see it on store shelves.

The photo above was taken by Avital Aronowitz, the photographer who is responsible for capturing the "essence" of the drivers that will be included in this book. Taken from the back door of the sleeper, it captures Eddie and I as we normally look - me with my stern, direct gaze (my friend said I look like a mob wife, the calm before the storm) and Eddie with his warm, friendly smile.

Guess who is who when we have to play good cop/bad cop? Hey, whatever works, right?


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Alligators Are Not A Girl’s Best Friend
2 YEARS AGO: Forget Your Cholesterol. Get A Hearing Aid.
3 YEARS AGO: Sizzling Good Time
4 YEARS AGO: Amarillo May Smell Like Cow Shit, But They Have Some Pretty Tasty Steaks
5 YEARS AGO: List Of Fives

Natural Light in Waterloo

Taken in natural light from the window and then one click of the "colored pencil" tool in PhotoShop and this is what you get. I love it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: So, What Brings You To My Neck Of The Blogosphere?
2 YEARS AGO: Eternity Is Going To Be SO. MUCH. FUN.
3 YEARS AGO: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
4 YEARS AGO: That Eddie Guy
5 YEARS AGO: Pee Bum Head

Los Links!!

Have you ever seen that Bing commercial where Juan Carlo screams out, "Los Links!!" as Filomena is taken away by the mysterious stranger on horseback?

Well, that's what I thought of when I took this picture. I need to stop watching so much TV.

Here's another picture of the truck. The chain was part of it and it was used to turn the concrete drum on the back. Really cool.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Here Kitty Kitty Kitty
2 YEARS AGO: Intense Eddie Friday
3 YEARS AGO: It’s An iPod, Not A wePod
4 YEARS AGO: Doing The Wade
5 YEARS AGO: It’s A Numbers Game

Boy, Have Times Changed!

I couldn't even imagine driving this thing. It had a milk crate for a seat!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: I’ll Have A Short Stack With A Million Scrambled Eggs On The Side Please
2 YEARS AGO: It Came At A Perfect Time
3 YEARS AGO: Experimenting With Scrotum
4 YEARS AGO: Can Anyone Spare A Roll Of Pennies?
5 YEARS AGO: Matching Purse And Flip Flops??

Two Truck Drivers, A Writer And A Photographer Walk Into A Bar

Today Ed and I attended the Trucker's Jamboree which is held every year at the Iowa-80 truckstop in Walcott, Iowa. As I've mentioned, we've been here before, but never at the time the Jamboree was being held.
It was nice to see all the show trucks and old trucks (the biggest collection we've ever seen) but the real reason we are here is to meet with two women, one an author and one a photographer, to have photos of us and our truck taken for a book. Here they are, in our truck, taking pictures and making notes for the project (I don't think I have to tell you which is the photographer and which is the writer.) The author, Linda Sands, is writing a book titled "We brought it. You bought it." which is to be a unique photo essay book which goes on the road and behind the scenes with 50 modern truck drivers. How cool is that??

Linda is the founder and editor of Scratch, a short fiction writing contest; a writer who, in addition to having completed three books, has also written articles and short stories for a long list of publications; and the winner of a FULL scholarship to attend a writer's workshop in Southhampton, NY where she got to study with prestigious writer, Amy Hempel (a name I did not know prior to meeting Linda, but now one that I can drop into literary conversations to sound like I know what the hell I'm talking about).

All that impressive stuff aside, Linda was down-to-earth GREAT. We were in contact with her along our route to let her know when we'd be here and got in touch with her this morning to let her know we just needed a little time to spiff up the truck and get ourselves ready. We had already taken showers (gotta smell good!) and had the truck washed, but I wanted to make the inside presentable since we'd be taking pictures of it.

When we were ready we pulled around, picked them up in the truck and then found a spot to take pictures and do our interview. The thing I liked immediately about Linda was that she was a hugger. I extended my hand to greet her and she waved it away requesting a hug instead. You gotta love a hugger.

While we were talking to Linda, the photographer Avital Aronowitz, was busy snapping away. She got shots of my gorgeous red bell peppers on the counter in the kitchen, numerous shots of the cab area, a snap of my pantry and even one of the bathroom! I couldn't even keep up with all the stuff she was looking at and photographing but I did really well and contained my bossiness. Well, except once in the very beginning when I told her I had an idea for a shot...

I really liked Avital and thought she was beautiful; she reminded me of Natalie Portman. But I was so interested in her job and her photography background (she had six years of schooling for it, four of them at the School of Visual Arts in NYC) and her equipment and her experiences behind the lens and her desire to learn about life on the road, and and and...

OK, I'll admit it. I have a girl-crush on her.

She did tell us that her initial plan was to become a truck driver to travel the country and take photographs as she did it, but there were a few obstacles along the way which prevented her from pursuing that and then she got so darned busy in New York with her photo assignments, her photography work became her primary focus. The trucker plan sort of fell to the wayside. Which doesn't seem to be such a bad thing since she's done work for TV Guide magazine, People.com, TIME and Conde Nast.

But if she does decide she ever wants to "try it out", I offered for her to do a ride-along with us where she could come on the road for a short haul and really experience life "behind the wheel". Well, kind of. We couldn't let her drive of course. I mean, Ed barely lets me drive.

I have to say, being photographed in so many situations and so many positions was harder than I thought. I was hoping she had a "skinny" lens for her camera but apparently they don't make those. WTF? All I know is that I was doing a lot of talking and she was doing a lot of photographing. I don't know how she'll find one picture in the group where you won't see my tonsils. Ed held his own too - he was super-chatty and very accomodating with all the posing he had to do.

He even admitted to watching Project Runway when Avital told us that she and her mother had been on the show! Read more about Avital's Project Runway experience here, here and here.

Overall, we had a great time with them - they spent hours with us and really showed a genuine interest in our lives and the lives of drivers in general. I feel this book is going to be a great way to show what this profession is all about and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.

And although the title of this post may indicate otherwise, that is not a joke.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Taking The Express To The Heartland
2 YEARS AGO: TIT-illating Sights On The Road
3 YEARS AGO: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
4 YEARS AGO: Embracing Your Inner Bike Riding Hussy
5 YEARS AGO: It Takes A Village To Wake A Child

Amid The Corn

A truck at the Trucker’s Jamboree in Walcott, Iowa. Although we've been to the Iowa 80 numerous times, this will be our first time at the Jamboree and we're looking forward to exploring more of it tomorrow.


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1 YEAR AGO: I’m Going To Be A Millionaire!!!
2 YEARS AGO: How I Do Love A Colorful Lunch Plate
3 YEARS AGO: Lucky Sevens
4 YEARS AGO: My Head Has Been In The Clouds For Weeks
5 YEARS AGO: Chunky Cheese

International Relations

Notice anything interesting about these two trucks, sitting quietly side by side? Do you know who these trucks belong to? Well, the one on the right is ours. And the one on the left...

belongs to the Lipstick Trucker!! You heard me right! Last night, Eddie and I got to have dinner with Kelly, the Lipstick Trucker!

Kelly is a 23 year veteran trucker from Toronto, Ontario, Canada (y'all know how much I love Canada!!) that I "met" online through my blog. Since we met, we've been keeping in touch via e-mail and this week started texting each other to try to meet up since we realized we might just be passing each other. We were on our way to Los Angeles from New York and she was in Nebraska on her way back up to Ontario and since both of us would be traveling I-80, we figured if we timed it right we might just be able to meet in person. And we did!! Boy, us women are so good at making plans, aren't we?

So we met, she took a quick tour of the truck and then we headed inside to have dinner together. She's totally freakin' awesome! Not only is she cute as a button, but she's SO incredibly down to earth, I felt as if I'd known her forever. Best thing - when she got out of the truck and we greeted each other, we both went in for the hug. I love people who hug!

She's a slender little thing and although we'll never share a clothing size (I can always dream of being that tiny) we do share a shoe size!! What are the odds of finding another female trucker who, in a pinch if needed, I could swap shoes with? I know, crazy. She's got an effervescent personality and a smile in her eyes or on her face at any given moment (as evidenced by this photo):

So after a few more photos, we parted ways and promised to keep in touch and try to meet up again. If we weren't on a "must-be-in-California-as-soon-as-possible" load, I'm sure we would have sat around talking for a few more hours. I think I might have babbled quite a bit but she had no trouble keeping up.

Chances of meeting up again seem really good since she's in the states all the time and since she's been doing it for so long, she knows this country like the back of her hand. She is definitely someone who has a brain I'd like to pick - as a female driver (who has always run solo), I would love to ask her about life on the road before internet, cell phones and a Starbucks on every corner. I think I might just have to beg her for an interview; I'm sure she has a story or two to tell.

The best part is that I now officially know someone in Canada. I can't wait for my official tour of Toronto!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Waiting For The Storm In Ohio
2 YEARS AGO: Sprawl
3 YEARS AGO: Moonlighting
4 YEARS AGO: Spring Breath Escapes Through Two Lips

I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Wolf

These shirts (the entire wall of them) can be found at the Iowa 80 truck stop in Walcott, Iowa. Frankly, I don't know why anyone would want to wear a wolf (or three), bison or Indians on their shirt, especially ones that are so incredibly tasteless, but there is obviously quite a market for them since this wall is ALWAYS stocked. And it's not the only crap of its kind that they sell here; they also have women's purses, hats and jackets with the same artwork.

Some of you may be aware of the Three Wolf Shirt phenomenon that sparked a bevy of comments on the Amazon.com site. Although it was all in good fun, the shirt itself is actually a big seller, so there are people out there wearing it. I believe the people who buy these must a) have a mullet, b) live in a trailer and c) watch NASCAR on a regular basis. They probably even have a favorite driver.

I don't know how long I'll be driving a truck, but I will bet my life earnings on the fact that you'll NEVER see me in one of those t-shirts. You know the I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur campaign from PETA?

Well, I'd wear wolf fur before I wore one of those.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Eddie Getting His Licks Friday
2 YEARS AGO: The Place Is In Ruins
3 YEARS AGO: Winter Shadows
4 YEARS AGO: The Angels Of The New York D.O.T.

One Of The Few Places In Iowa NOT Under Water

Every time we travel through Iowa, we stop at the Iowa 80, the World's Largest Truckstop. This past week, a portion of Interstate 80 was closed due to the flooding in Iowa City - and boy, was there flooding! But Iowa 80 was a safe haven for us truckers. Yay!

The Bridges And A Cowboy

This weekend, we visited Madison County, Iowa; the birthplace of John Wayne and home to the bridges made famous in Robert James Waller’s novel, The Bridges Of Madison County.

The picture above and below are of Cedar Bridge, which graces the cover of Waller's novel.The town of Winterset was also in the movie, as it was filmed on location, and as we drove through town, we saw several places featured in the movie. There are six bridges left today, but we only visited this one due to the size of the truck and how hard it is to maneuver small spaces.

At least now I can say I saw a bridge in Madison County; and also the birthplace of a cowboy named Marion.

The Unintentional Beating Of A Red State Child

The incident took place this morning, at a SuperTarget somewhere in the middle of Iowa.

Upon entering the store, Eddie got a cart and we started to meander through the aisles looking for the items on my list. We began walking down the main grocery aisle, chatting about this and that, when I noticed a woman rounding the corner at the end of the next row. Not far behind her were two kids, obviously belonging to her, hauling ass as they chased each other around the bend.

Before my brain told my body to move out of the way, the first one came barreling towards me, head down like a battering ram, clearly not paying attention to where he was going, and BAM! smacked head first into the front of my cart. HARD.

Now I'm not a small person, so him hitting my cart with me standing behind it, preventing it from moving even an inch, was akin to him hitting a solid brick wall. With his head. HARD. And since his head was about the same height as the cart, he caught it right on the edge, where the hard plastic covers the metal framework. I thought for sure he was going to leave a chunk of forehead in my shopping cart; not exactly what I went to Target for.

This kid hit the floor exactly the way they do in cartoons; staggering backwards in a woozy daze, disoriented and confused, reeling from the impact of having just run head-on into a wall, only in this case, it was my Target shopping cart that beat the hell out of him. It all happened so quickly, yet seemingly in slow motion. It took a minute for him to realize what happened before he started to cry and rub his forehead, which was about the same time his mother reached his side.

Being a person without children, I am usually always annoyed when I am inconvenienced by other people's children (and animals, and people who still write checks, and certain slow individuals), so my first thought was, serves you right; that's what you get for running through a grocery store and not paying attention. But, since I can't actually say that, I had to feign interest by asking the mother if he was okay.

Ed stood there looking at me, mumbling something about the kids going fast or not paying attention and I was thinking, OK, so how long do I freaking have to stand here before I finish my shopping?? Can I walk away now? Am I supposed to crouch down and soothe the little rug rat? Do I have to look around for an ice pack? What??

Ed looked to me for guidance on our next move and I just shrugged my shoulders to indicate there wasn't really anything we could do, while at the same time steering my cart around the kid wreckage to continue with my shopping. I mumbled something lame like "I'm sorry" or "Hope he's okay" and scooted away to head down the next aisle.

Clearly, consoling stranger's kids is not my thing. I realized later on when I thought about it, that I really didn't give a crap; that I don't have one bone in my body which reacted in what could be construed as a "maternal" manner. Obviously, if the kid was bleeding or something, I might have offered a tissue and a kind word, but I also would be thinking that they shouldn't be running down the aisles of a public facility if they don't want to get hurt. Hard way to learn a lesson, I guess.

Now if my friend Vicki were there with me, I would have come out, by sheer association, looking like Mother Theresa. She would have been all over that kid, cooing and ooohing and consoling and hugging and patting and probably even lifting him to her cart to carry him in stretcher like fashion to the front of the store to have a little calming session. And since I was by her side, I would have looked equally as concerned, even though inside I would have been thinking, OK, that's enough. He has a mother. Let's go. You're not a nurse. Put the kid down, we have shopping to do.

But me alone? I just couldn't wait to get away from the scene of the accident and disappear down another aisle away from this woman and her rowdy children; and if Ed weren't with me, I would have been able to make an even quicker escape.

Later in the truck, almost as if he just had an epiphany, Ed said, "So I guess you don't want kids, huh?"

Is it that obvious?