The Human Jeweler

The ability to take something rough and make it beautiful. Finding that inner glow. Catching the fire. Transforming it to bring out the best characteristics. This is what a lapidary does; this is how they transform stones, minerals and gems with a rough, dull exterior into a gleaming masterpiece.

The same thing can be done with people. Sometimes, you just meet a diamond in the rough. A person you know has more inside than they are letting you see. So, you carve and you probe and you buff. You find that little something special. Draw it out. Make it beautiful. Highlight it. Let it shine. Watch it begin to glow.

Even if that person doesn't know what is on the inside, if you are gifted, you can reach deep down and bring the fire out. Highlight their good qualities and minimize their flaws. Make them feel like they are worthy and precious. Cradle them in the Tiffany setting of your hands and mind and heart.

Be a human jeweler and watch how a diamond can truly become a girl's best friend.

The Protective Roommate

This is my other housemate. She's lovey, playful and very protective. She ran right to the door today when she heard a strange car pull up in the driveway. Who? She wanted to know.

It was a delivery of flowers, for me! The delivery woman wouldn't get out of the van. She was afraid.

I know Trace is a Rottweiler, but how could you possibly be afraid of that face??

Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth

Why don't we ever really say what is going on in a relationship when talking to our friends or loved ones? What are we really afraid of?

I've had several friends lately who are having relationship issues or have broken up with their partners. And now, after the fact, I have been hearing stuff that I never knew existed.

Why don't we tell the whole truth when seeking advice, telling a story or even complaining about our relationships; is it because we don't want to make our partners look bad or we don't want to make ourselves look bad? I think it must be the latter. We must wonder to ourselves, what does it say about me?

If you happen to have a mate with unfavorable qualities, a mate that you obviously chose to date, live with or marry and someone finds out about qualities in them that have never really surfaced, what does that say about you? That you can't make good choices? That you put up with unacceptable behavior? That you didn't see the signs early on that you can see very clearly right now?

I understand it's not always easy to tell the truth about these things, especially when the people you share most of these things with are your closest and dearest friends or your family members. They are already biased toward you and certainly wouldn't stand for someone not treating you as they think you should be treated.

The other person you have to worry about is yourself. You know when behavior is unacceptable. You know when you have asked someone to make some changes and they don't. You know what its like to cringe inside when your mate says or does something that you think makes you, or them, look bad. Yet, you let it happen. In fact, you not only let it happen, but you often cover up for it. You bring up all their good qualities or what they did for you recently that shows they "aren't really like that" or how much you love them and that it's okay when they have a bad day once in a while. It's not okay though, when that bad day never ends.

And then, you break up, and your view about them changes. You start to talk about all of the things you didn't like. The reasons you think the relationship ended. The things you will look for more closely in the next person. How crappy you felt because you knew it was happening and you let it. You are starting to have some clarity and you realize how it must look.

I understand that people are not perfect. That is precisely my point. It's not a bad thing to tell your confidants what is really going on, especially when you're confiding in them for a reason. If you think enough of them to even go to them for advice or guidance in the first place, you must trust their opinion on some level. Why not tell them everything that factors into the reason you are seeking them out? Tell them where your confusion or tension or ambivalence stems from. It's easier for them to guide you and it is easier on yourself if you have all of the facts before making a decision.

As it states in the Bible, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32 NIV)

Sixty Percent Lesbian

As you know, I have been staying with a friend of mine for the past four days.

A girl. Friend.

A girl who happens to be a lesbian.

A lesbian-who-just-broke-up-with-her-girlfriend kind of lesbian.

Where is all of this going?

Well, today she informed me that I am sixty-percent lesbian. How she came up with that percentage I can only guess. She's already told me that I make a great wife. I have been cooking, leaving her notes in the morning for her to remember to take leftovers for lunch and even found it in my heart to accept the other woman in her life; her Rottweiler, Trace Jeanell.

Don't worry, I'm not crossing to the other side; that's all I need in addition to all the other shit my mind has been going through lately. I've already told her I can't handle being hit on by a woman right now, especially when my boyfriend is sooooo far away.

And yesterday, after we went tanning, I was planning on getting my hair cut a little shorter than it already is, but then she told me that if I did, I would be in the seventy-fifth percentile.

I guess I'll wait on that haircut and concentrate more on the hot guy who was cutting the neighbor's lawn yesterday.

Just Bring Chips

My friend was telling me last week that she was invited to a party where she knew no one but the host. She asked if she could bring anything and after a pause, they said, "Oh, just pick up a bag of chips."

Chips? Did they say chips??? She turned to me, the hurt in her eyes glaringly evident. She was so offended. Could you blame her?

This is what happens when you are socializing in a new circle of friends; they don't know you. They are unaware of your talents. They don't know that you make a killer peach cobbler or whip up amazing spinach and artichoke dip or do things with cocktail weenies that border on illegal. It makes you feel so insignificant and invisible in a sense; who is going to notice the person who walks in with chips??

What the hell is next, asking her to bring a bag of ice? Now that is cold.

Flowers And Hand Painted Art

I am staying with another friend of mine this week and her house is just fabulous! Not only does she have gorgeous leather couches, cable TV and high speed internet but the bed I slept in last night was like being transported to heaven. I think I even I felt a pea; that is how much of a Princess I felt like in that bed!

I truly feel like I'm resort hopping. First, I was staying with my best friend at her "resort" home where the cooking is so good she could win a James Beard award, sitting on the front porch is like being at Tara listening to the sounds of the South and watching the world meander by and the laughter just flows like a broken faucet.

Now I have this; a richly decorated and spotlessly kept oasis of peace, centrally located to all things important, with ice cold air conditioning and a fully stocked fridge (except here, I actually have to cook myself! lol). In addition to that, the owner is a talented artist who makes everything from jewelry and silk drapery to paintings and websites. Just amazing.

Here is a sampling of her artwork:

And if you look again at the first picture, you will see a vase filled with the beautifully fragrant roses my Eddie sent me.

Either he really misses me or he's done something reeaaalllly wrong. Roses???

Gotta love him though, either way!

Everybody Is Everything

I don't like when people say, "you tend to dislike in others the same thing you dislike in yourself" because I don't think that's very accurate.

I dislike when people are chronically late. I am always on time.

I dislike people who do drugs. I have never tried them.

I dislike hypocrites. I am not one.

I dislike a know-it-all. I will come right out and say, "I don't know much about this, but I think..."

But then my Aunt, who I always thought was very wise, often says: "Everybody Is Everything"

Your girlfriend is being bitchy? Your best friend is moody? Your mother is a mensch? Your co-worker is a brown-noser? Your boyfriend is acting weird? Your classmate is getting on your nerves? Your husband is being an asshole? Your sister-in-law is saccharine sweet? Your mother-in-law doesn't like you?

At one time or another, as much as you think you are not any of the things you see in others, it is most likely inevitable that you are. Sometimes. Even if only once. However brief, it's probably there.

Everybody is everything.

(Really though, I'm never late.)

Conscious But Very Disoriented

Tonight while watching The Learning Channel (why, I don't know), we heard about a crash where they described the driver as being "conscious but very disoriented."

I whipped my head around wondering why on earth they were talking about me, as this is how I've spent virtually the past three weeks; and according to my friend, how she has spent almost all of her life.

Apparently, I've been taking on quite a bit lately and possibly have gotten crushed under the weight of it all. Now that things have let up a bit, I'm still a little dazed.

I don't know which is worse, my condition or the next guy on TV they were talking about; the one who was "stunned and badly shaken."

Take Note

What does it say about a man who likes the movie, The Notebook?

For me?

Kinda makes me want to marry him.

Homeless Shelter

My mother reminded me today that I am essentially homeless; since our truck (my home) is being fixed, I have been relying on the kindness of friends and family for a place to stay.

If the mechanics up there in Delaware don't get their asses in gear and get our little home on wheels fixed lickety split, I'm gonna need to move on to the next shelter.

There are some places I've been where I haven't had the pleasure of laying my head. Any offers??

I can cook!

Summer Staples

In addition to the real reason to observe Memorial Day, a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service; I have always known it to signify the "official" start of summer.

As a teenager it was the beginning of "the season" for our family restaurant in the Catskills and a date our family used as the beginning of our summer countdown; a crazy ten weeks of "city" people coming up to the "country" to spend the summer in bungalow colonies, summer cottages and hotels.

Today, when summer starts, I usually haul out all my summer goods and try to keep myself as cool as possible which hopefully ensures a smooth, bitch-free summer.

As always, my staples include:

1. White denim shorts

2. Tank tops, to accentuate my golden tanned cleavage!

3. Flip Flops

4. A good book or a handful of magazines

and the most important accessory,

5. Pompeii Purple nail polish by OPI, for my toes - I never go a summer without it. EVER.

With good looking toes, something to read and clothes that accentuate your best assets, including your tan, you just can't go wrong. Trust me.

When truck drivers that have met you only once can remember what color toenail polish you were wearing, you have to know you're on to something!

You're Such A Pansy!!

Can Someone Define Their Purpose??

Today my friend and I decided we were going to go to spend the day at the pool of a friend. We had a few things to run around and do before that could happen and spent the better part of the morning running around getting it done.

We hit Big Lots for pool toys, Kroger for lunch items and snacks and Target for a new bathing suit and magazines. We were ready for some poolside fun!

By the time we got home, the kids were ready to jump out of their skin they were so excited about the first day of the pool season, but her husband wanted to know where his bathing suit was. WTF??

He had almost TWO hours while we were gone to find it. In the meantime, we packed the lunches, iced up the cooler and filled it with beverages, found our suits, got towels for everyone, filled up an iced tea pitcher, unwrapped and re-fitted the new swim goggles for the kids and then hauled everything into the car to go.

On the way out to the car, as WE carried the cooler and everything else we needed to take with us, I said to her, "What the hell do we need them for? Shit. We can go to the toy store to take care of our needs, work to make our own money, take care of kids and do every other God damned thing without them. Really. What the fuck use are they??"

Needless to say, men weren't high on my list of anything yesterday. And it's not looking like tomorrow is going to be any better.

Eddie's New Passion Friday

I think I've been replaced; by a girl with a cuter tail. I mean, sail. Cuter sail.

While our truck is being repaired, Eddie has been working on the sail boat. Here he is taking it out for a test run.

He already has it equipped with the two most important items - a refrigerator and an air conditioner. I could care less about the sail, but it must have air conditioning. He's been painting, and tuning up the engine and making sure the floatation devices are up to snuff.

Once that's done, we'll be heading out to the Gulf of Mexico; he wants to go for five weeks. I was like, what the hell are we going to do in a boat for five weeks??? when a friend of mine said, "Eat, get some sun and have sex."

Oh. Right. C'mon baby! When are we leaving? I'm packed and ready to go!!

Closing The Age Gap

Is it only when you start nearing forty, that twenty-one year old guys start looking good again?

Road Testing The Girl

Today I took my road test; the one with the crotchety old examiner everyone is afraid of.

We get in the truck and he said, "Get started whenever you're ready." I answered with my newfound Southern charm, "Yes, sir." Then he said, "And one more thing. Let's make sure this truck comes back to the yard with all the mirrors on it." Oh shit.

"They told you??"

"Yes, Ma'am. Now you mind telling me exactly how that happened?" So, I told him the story, leaving out the BAM!! part for fear of giving him a heart attack, and just kept thinking, change the subject change the subject change the subject.

I got in the truck and started forward upon his direction. I made it through the whole course with just a few grinded gears and a few beads of sweat on my forehead from the heat, not the nervousness; that was still to come.

I knew I was going to have to do the difficult shift-from-fifth-gear-to-third-gear thing. It was coming. And I was going to have to do math. There is some formula they told us, having to do with taking yourself out of fifth gear into neutral while watching the speed on your speedometer and the RPM's on the tachometer and at the point where the two are matching, shift into third. The window to do that in is this big. Yeah, that's right; virtually no time.

On our way back to the yard, I was waiting for Father Time to tell me to turn into the yard, not "assuming" I know where he wants me to go, even though I do. Well, he told me too late, I couldn't slow down enough to do that stupid math shit and grinded the crap out of the gears, not able to find any hole to put that fucking gearshift into. I broke into a sweat. I coasted into the yard and stopped. Then he bellowed, "WHY did you stop???"

"Well, I was going too fast to get it into third...."

"That's what you have a brake for!" he says. Oh God. "Well, I guess I'm going to have to catch you next time. You did great up to that point, but you can't be leaving your trailer out on the road and just stop. I can't pass you."

OK, well, no big deal I thought, I'll have another day to practice. Then the program director comes up to me and said, "Hey, I'm going to see if he'll test you again later today. He usually doesn't do that, but I'm going to try to make it happen." Hmm, okay.

Turned out I did get the chance to test again later in the afternoon. We get back into the truck and start out all over again. I get through the traffic light, shifting quickly from second to third and he yelled at me for shifting in the middle of a turn!! Dammit. I said, "Hmm. Not such a great way to start out my second chance, huh?" He grunts and answers me sternly with "Turn right, up there." while pointing to a street we had never been on during the practice runs. Great.

So, I did my little loop around the block, and on my second go round, I managed to find third gear to get my whole trailer back into the yard and stop. He said "Alright. Well, you passed."

"Thank you so much!" I said. "I really appreciate you testing me today. In fact, I just have to give you a virtual air kiss." and I smack my lips and blow the kiss in his direction. He said, "Does it gotta be air??" I smiled. "No sir," I said as I got out of the truck, walked around, gave him a little shoulder hug and kissed him on the cheek. "I just didn't want the other guys to get jealous."

"Uh, yeah, of course. I understand." he stuttered. And then he said, "Well, you done good." before walking away. The guys in my class were watching from the door and joked about how flustered he must have been; he had forgotten his clipboard in the truck and had to go back for it!

I reckon sometimes it just pays to be a girl.

Every Eight To Twelve Seconds

The rule when driving a truck is to check your mirrors every eight to twelve seconds.  At least that's what we were being taught in truck driver training school.

It was my turn to drive and my instructor said, "Are you ready for Central Pike?"  It's one of the local roads in the Nashville area that I'm very familiar with so I said, "Sure. I know that road. I've driven it often."  So me, my instructor, and two of my classmates headed out on this winding, skinny, little country road. Gorgeous scenery, but a slow trip in an 18-wheeler.

I was trying to pay close attention to the road, keeping my speed under the limit by about five miles and doing very well.  Watching the road ahead of me to assess any potential hazards, I saw a pickup truck that I thought was backing out of his driveway, so I slowed down. I then determined that the pickup truck was actually parked in a driveway with a lot of other cars, him being the last one in line, and had the ass end of his truck sticking out into the road.  He wasn't backing out, he just looked like it.

I maneuvered around him when at the same time a huge dumptruck came flying over the hill coming this close to me. After we passed him, I turned to my instructor and said, "I just want you to know that I am not easily flustered and don't get nervous, so don't worry." I didn't want him to think that because I'm a new driver and a girl, that I was going to get freaked out by something like a close call.

Seriously people, I'm from New York, I've driven in the city. Hellooo??

I was just about to say to him, "Besides, the worst thing that can happen is you lose a mirror..." when a second dumptruck came hauling ass over the hill and BAM!! smacked into me shearing the side view mirror right off the truck.

The first thing I thought was shit, and then immediately following that thought, I can't wait to blog this.

My instructor Jim looked over at me and said, "Did he stop??"

I said, "Uh, I don't know. I don't have a mirror. I can't see him."

There was no shoulder to speak of on the road so when he told me to pull over, I was thinking where??  I pulled the truck as far over as I could, put on my four-way flashers, and stopped. The guys in the back, my classmates, were looking out of the other mirror to see if the guy stopped and when we determined he hadn't, my instructor switched places with me and took the truck back to the yard.

Shit.  I was never going to live this down.

On the ride back, I asked Jim if he was watching me drive back there. He said, "Yes."

I said, "Well, I feel like I was in my lane and going slow enough. What do you think - was I in my lane?".

He said I was, and that it was the dump truck's fault because he was over the yellow line, too close to my truck. With that, Terry (one of my favorite classmates and apparently, a big fan of my driving skills I later found out) said, "Oh no, he was totally in your lane. Over the yellow line. I knew he was going to hit you."

As we got closer to the school, my instructor Jim said, "I do have to say, you impressed me. Both times. With that first truck, you slowed down, you controlled your vehicle, and you assessed the situation. I thought for sure he was going to hit you and I couldn't believe what a close call it was. Then with the second truck, man, you didn't even flinch. No scream. No swerve. Nothing. Very impressive."

Back at the yard, the word spread like wildfire among the other students, instructors, and even the program director. Terry was telling everyone, "You should have seen her. She didn't even flinch. She just kept on driving like nothing happened."

I guess they were surprised that I didn't act like a girl. As if.

In the meantime, Jim went to get a replacement mirror so we could go back out and finish practicing. Here's a closer look at the missing mirror - after the "incident" and before the repair:
I guess now, not only will I check my mirrors every eight to twelve seconds to make sure the area surrounding my truck is safe, but I'm also going to check to make sure they're still there.

It's Never Too Late For A Good Sale

Do you really need a discount at this point??

I, I, I

I was tagged by the Latina Diva this week, and since I forgot to do the last thing she tagged me on, I must do this one. Good timing too, since I didn't have a post prepared for today and thought this was an interesting one.

I SAID: I didn't mind, but I did.

I WANT: Clarity and focus.

I WISH: I pursued all of my interests with equal verve.

I HATE: Tardiness, men who whine, talking in the movies, kids in restaurants, rude customer service reps, injustice.

I MISS: My father. The Summer of 1984. Our summer house.

I HEAR: The constant, annoying sound of the television.

I WONDER: Where I would be if I stayed in Los Angeles 10 years ago.

I REGRET: Not pursuing the opportunity presented to me to model when I was in L.A.

I AM NOT: As patient, quiet or tolerant as I should probably be.

I DANCE: Not as often as I should.

I SING: Everytime I hear music.

I CRY: When I am frustrated and can't get my point across, at movies, sappy commercials and weddings.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: A good listener.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Amazing food, custom cards, dolls, clothing, glass magnets, crafty things.

I WRITE: To entertain, convey my thoughts, amuse myself.

I CONFUSE: Unintentionally.

I NEED: A lot of communication, laughter and mental stimulation.

I SHOULD: Do my patent paperwork, but I keep getting sidetracked.

I START: More things than I make time to finish.

I FINISH: Everything that interests me or anything that someone is relying on me for.

I TAG: Although I hate tagging anyone, I'm gonna do it to Indiana Jonesing, Chez Bez, Vicki, and Rita.

What The Hell Is This???

Do people still use these??? It's got paper in it! That's soooo scary.