Monday, October 17, 2005

Made In China

The Chinese* are taking over. They supply us with everything from keychains to t-shirts. Soccer balls to sunglasses. Politically, they own a large interest in our country and little by little, are gaining more ground. Most people don't pay attention to what is going on between our little SuperPower and the vast Republic of China. No matter. It will all become crystal clear somewhere oh, in the Year Of The Rooster. But the most underhanded, flying below the radar way they are infiltrating our society is in a place no one would give a second thought to. The Chinese Buffet.

Seriously. Think about it. They need us to be docile and not fight back when they execute their grand invasion. But we're a fiesty bunch, us Americans. Their plan is to disable every American attracted to the "Over 130 Items Daily" buffet selections by fattening them up first. People come, they eat, they leave. Repeat weekly.

Eventually, we'll be so fat from our overindulgence of moo shu pork and crab rangoons, that we won't be able to move our fat asses off the couch when they come to take over. We'll reach for our remotes to see what's happening on the news, only to find Ziang Yung Chin speaking a mile a minute with three words scrolling by beneath him, telling us in English what he is saying. We want to get off the couch and protest, but we can't. We are paralyzed by the MSG.

If you watch the people who eat at the Golden Dragon, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus or whatever the buffet in your town is called, you will see all walks of life; black and white, rich and poor, young and old. Oh, and the Jews. Let's not forget the Jews, as Chinese is the food of their people. The most dangerous though, are the pregnant women. What, with the Chinese food getting to two people for the price of one? Brilliant. Chinese food going from the blood of the mother to the blood of the fetus. Don't be surprised if their first words are, Pork Lo Mein, Please.

Think about it. As someone I know says, "Anything is possible." I know it sounds far fetched, but as we continue to buy cheap clothes, trinkets, electronics, novelties, cheap tools, household items, appliances, DVD's, CD's and all other domestic products, INCLUDING food at the Chinese Buffet, we are setting ourselves up for a takeover. One we most likely won't even be coherent for since we'll be in a General Tso's Chicken induced coma.

Welcome to the United States of China.

* If you are Chinese or a fan of the Chinese, know that I am not racist or prejudiced, so please don't email me with comments regarding this post. As Jon Armstrong says: Comments that suck will be deleted. Don't suck. Besides, you should be happy that you are taking over the country and that you can offer the public 27 varieties of chicken and shrimp.


Anonymous said...

You are out of control, woman!
In my "old age" I can no longer stomach what we call "Chinese" food in this country. It's nothing like the food that, say, the mother of my best friend from High School would make. THAT stuff is yummy, MSG-free and healthier than most of the stuff we eat these days.
Thanks, Mrs. Chiang, for showing me what real Chinese food tastes like.

Anocsanamun said...

Brilliant! Mile a minute - 3 words... !!! LOL - You got me in trouble at work from laughing!