Orbiting Out Of Control

I found this in the USA Today yesterday. You just can't make this stuff up, people.

First, let me say, I have a friend who is a doctor. An attractive doctor. A surgeon, even. And she's beautiful. Great body, great job, great mind. Yet on occassion, she uses internet dating sites to find a nice young fella to have dinner or drinks with. You wouldn't think she'd have to go online to find a date, but she does. She's busy. She tries to weed out the losers in the pre-screen that everyone gets these days. So one can believe that certain professions go online to find love.

But how stupid (and desperate) of a woman do you have to be to believe that an astronaut is trolling for women on Match.com? I can just see the IM conversation now:

SweetVixen73: So, what do you do for a living?

SpaceDog: Well, I work in the space industry.

SweetVixen73: The space industry? Wow. That sounds exciting! Are you involved in all that space shuttle stuff or are you an engineer of some sort?

SpaceDog: You can say I am involved in the execution of projectiles departing the earth.

SweetVixen73: (because she can't just be happy with that explanation, she has to delve further) Departing the earth? You mean, like, leaving the earth??

SpaceDog: (getting both annoyed that she can't grasp the concept, but excited that he found someone stupid enough to buy his story) Yes, leaving the earth; as in, traveling into space.

SweetVixen73: Ohhhhh (thinking she's got it), so you take care of things that go into space?

SpaceDog: Well, I actually take the things up there.

SweetVixen73: Up there? Into space?? Um. Well....do you mean? What do you mean by "take into space?" Like you go with them? In a...

SpaceDog: Space Shuttle?

SweetVixen73: A space shuttle???? You mean you're an...

SpaceDog: Astronaut. Yes.

SweetVixen73: Oh my God. So you're like, an astronaut?? Wow. That's really amazing.

SpaceDog: Well, it has its good and its bad days. Like any job.

SweetVixen73: Still, it must be so exciting. I'd love to hear more about it.

SpaceDog: Well, maybe we can get together sometime and I can fill you in on the boring details of my job.

SweetVixen73: Oh, that would be really great. What about this weekend?

SpaceDog: Oh, I'd love to babe, but I'm in orbit right now and this weekend I'll be re-entering the earth's atmosphere so I'm afraid I'll be a little busy.

SweetVixen73: (giggling) Oh, I understand. Well, then shoot me an email or give me a call whenever you have a chance. I'm really excited to meet.

SpaceDog: Sure thing. Check ya later!

I know online dating works for a lot of people; and the reason I know is because I have done it myself. And everyone knows someone who has found a date, a mate or even a booty call online. I have dated a restaurateur, an entrepreneur, a lawyer, a construction worker, a weather man, a millionaire and and even a college student (what?? Don't look at me like that. He was hot. And young).

I've meet people with professions that you think wouldn't have to look online for a date, but they do. But I can tell you right now if some guy told me he was an astronaut or a spy, I would have not only not gone out with him, but I probably would have changed my screen name just to be sure I'd never be bothered by the crackpot again.

Guys - just so you know, you can only stretch things so far. Saying you're six feet one inch tall when you're really only five foot nine is a lie we're used to. Even that's a little risky considering I'm five foot eight and would certainly notice whether a guy was one inch taller than me or five inches taller; but it's a lie we might be willing to overlook.

But saying you're an astronaut?? Please.

Dude, if you really want to get lucky with the ladies or even have a slim chance of getting laid, pick a reasonable profession. Something like oh, I don't know, maybe a truck driver??

And women? Please stop being so stupid. You're really making me look bad.