Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Another Reason I Love The Great Indoors

A few weeks ago when we were home, Ed was out in the shed looking for something when he smelled an odor that can only be described as "dead body". When he investigated further, he found a dead snake, which he promptly scooped and threw over the fence at the rear of the property.

This week, we were home again and Ed was scouring the shed for an extension cord when he heard a rattling sound. He came back into the house and told us he thought there was a rattlesnake in the shed. He didn't see anything, but he knew he heard something, so he went online to get some information and decided to build a snake trap to catch it. I had just finished cleaning some chicken breasts and since rattlesnakes are carnivorous, Ed figured he could use it as bait. He put the chicken in the trap, set the trap in the shed and then we went to sleep for the night.

When we got up in the morning Ed went to check his trap disappointed to find it empty. But as he pushed around some boxes with end of a broom handle trying to listen for the rattle again, he SAW the snake. My step-father, who had been hovering over his shoulder because he can't ever be too far from the action and could never leave well enough alone, threw a rock at the snake and when it didn't move announced, "He's dead."

Me, being the voice of reason, said "Are you guys crazy??? Get the hell away from the shed. That snake is NOT dead, he's just waiting to strike. He's faking you out. GET AWAY FROM THE SHED."

So the rock thrower just had to move the box again. And when he did, the snake's tongue came slithering out. "He's not dead! I saw his tongue!" my step-father yelled as he jumped back. Well, we all hauled ass back into the house and I called 911. They connected me to the fire department who told me they would be sending someone right over. Within ten minutes (Ed, close your eyes for the next six words) the buffest fireman I'd ever seen, confidently walked across the backyard and headed straight for the shed. He reached in with his little claw apparatus and pulled out this:

OH. MY. GOD. The thing was rattling like crazy, his fangs were jutting out and he was just altogether scary. To think that so many of us have been in and out of that shed, rooting around for shit while this thing was hiding somewhere under a box or in a corner.....shivers.

The fireman patiently waited for me to run inside to get my camera so I could get that shot and he also let me take a little video of it since I wanted to show my nephews. Of course, I wound up saying "shit" in the video but I think I'm going to have to ask my brother and sister-in-law for a free pass on this one since the kids HAVE to see this video. I'm thinkin' I might must be able to talk them into it...what's one little slip of the tongue among family? Besides, they are three boys; they'll likely hear much worse before they even hit thirteen years old.

Here's the video:
And after reading this (make sure to check out his photo link at the bottom of the page to see photos of the operation and skin grafting that kid had to have after his snake bite), I will never EVER approach a snake (rattle or not) for the rest of my life. I don't think I'll be going into that shed either.

I don't care, call me a pussy if you want. At least I won't have to take skin from my thighs to make my hands look....well, not even better...just whole.
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We Think The Only Thing Worth Stealing From The House Would Have Been The Fresh Baked Apple Pie
Not Nearly As Appealing As Gnocchi
Working The Yard


all things bradbury said...

omg!!...i would have said shit too!...lol....i'm a country girl so i don't get too excited most of the time when i see a black snake in the barn...but if i'd heard that rattle i'd have probably torn that shed down gettin outta there!...lol....that's a great video!!....ps...you can just barely hear you say shit...lol....ppss...gotta love firemen!

Angela said...

I most certainly will not be calling you a pussy. I wish my sister had as much sense as you do. She was showing me foto's she'd snapped around her farm a few years ago and I came across one that made my stomach lurch. It was an up close and personal picture of a poisonious copperhead. I asked her to tell me about it.... she thought it was a black snake sunning on the cinderblocks... "innocent really, he was there so I creeped over and took his picture".

She could've been bitten... on a farm miles from a hospital... alone on her farm. All for the sake of a picture of a damn snake.

Blondie said...

Holy shit!

Gil said...

I agree with Blondie! I'm sure that your nephews have heard that word or more during their baseball games. When I was a kid I wished we had real snakes like the cowboys out West had. I guess I really was (?) a dumb kid!

Fandango Travelers said...

Great video - I was hoping for a shot of the Hunky Fireman though!

One of the best things about moving into and living full-time in the truck was leaving the rattlesnakes at home. We lived "au naturale" in the desert and dealt with more rattlers than you want to know about. My favorite snake story involved a barbeque fork and my favorite butcher knife - I broke the knife...damn.

Hedon said...

Good lord woman!

I think a little "excitement" on your part in the video is understandable under the circumstances.

I can just see Ed and FIL out there checking it out and throwing rocks!

tornwordo said...

Great video! God I don't miss those things. And that kid's ordeal is must reading for anyone who is not acquainted with rattlers.

Sauntering Soul said...

OMG. I hate snakes so much.

My boyfriend is from Brazil and when we first started dating he was unfamiliar with my incredible fear of snakes. He was scrolling through some pics on his computer and some of them included photos of his friend's cattle farm in Brazil. Suddenly a photo of an anaconda which had just swallowed one of his friend's cows popped up on the screen. I screamed and ran out of the room. I've never seen a snake that big in my life - and the added lump of a whole cow in the middle of it completely freaked me out.