Saturday, July 11, 2009

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty


My mother's new kitten. I took this while she was asleep. I don't think she would have let me get this close if she wasn't sleeping; she likes to swat everything within a foot of her body.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Intense Eddie Friday
2 YEARS AGO:
It’s An iPod, Not A wePod
3 YEARS AGO:
Doing The Wade
4 YEARS AGO:
It’s A Numbers Game

Friday, July 10, 2009

Fiesta Ed Friday

Eddie is ready for summer by the pool; the hat, the ice tea pitcher and the blow up palm tree.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Crotchety Old Woman
2 YEARS AGO:
One Side Of A Coin
3 YEARS AGO:
Why Oh Why
4 YEARS AGO:
Sign Of The Times

Thursday, July 09, 2009

I'll Have A Short Stack With A Million Scrambled Eggs On The Side Please

As I was ambling across Texas on Highway 60, I saw a large plume of smoke in the distance. At first I thought it was some redneck hauling ass on a dirt road, but as I got closer realized that no pick-up truck kicks up a trail that big; I must've been 30 miles out at that point.

I couldn't imagine what could be on fire; there wasn't anything out there.

But as the traffic (if you can count five or six cars traffic) came to a crawl and then to a stop, I decided to pull over on the shoulder for a minute or so. A; to figure out how long the road was going to be tied up and b; to get some pictures.

The blaze was quite large and as each building became engulfed in flames, the plume seemed to breathe; each puff larger than the last.

I watched as several fire crews drove toward the buildings, lights and sirens screaming. One trailed after the other down the road to the fire. This was a big deal; the
Cal-Maine egg plant was going up in flames.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: It Came At A Perfect Time
2 YEARS AGO: Experimenting With Scrotum
3 YEARS AGO: Can Anyone Spare A Roll Of Pennies?
4 YEARS AGO: Matching Purse And Flip-Flops??

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Taking The Express To The Heartland

I was in a truck stop in Tulsa, Oklahoma, standing at the counter making Ed a breakfast burrito (yes, he's lucky) when I looked out the kitchen window at the truck parked next to us and saw this:

Now it's not unusual to see a driver lounging in his truck. Sometimes they don't always go into the sleeper, they just rest in the driver's seat watching the activities of wherever they may be.

What was unusual is this:

Yes, those are his toes. A real-live truck driver with his toenails painted bright, sparkly, Dorothy-from-Oz red.

Seriously. So what can possibly be the story behind this? His nails are painted red because that's the color his wife wears and he wants to keep a reminder of her with him always when he's on the road? He has granddaughters and they begged for Poppa to paint his nails, oh please? oh please? oh please? He's a cross-dresser and he's also wearing a garter belt and push-up bra under his clothes? C'mon people, come up with an explanation for me.

He was a mean lookin' fella too, once he turned around. Or I should say, once he turned around, got out of his truck and proceeded to the space between his truck and trailer to take a piss. Ed said, "Are you sure he's going to the bathroom?" I said, "Pretty sure. Unless he's checking his glad hand connections with his penis."

My truck driver friends will be able to figure out the company he drives for from the title of this post (I know you are all that smart!) but what I have to say to the rest of you is...


Corn isn't the only thing you'll find in the Heartland.


* And just so you know, I have absolutely no problem with crossdressers, men who paint their toenails or any other kind of persuasion. I just found humor in finding it in the very unexpected place of the truck next to me.


Tuesday, July 07, 2009

I'm Going To Be A Millionaire!!!

I received this e-mail yesterday and I'm quite sure it's genuine. I can't wait for me and Mr. Pui to get together and hash out the details. Woo Hoo! Perhaps I shall distribute the windfall among my loyal readers...

MR. CHEUNG PUI
HANG SENG BANK LTD.
DES VOEUX RD. BRANCH,
CENTRAL HONG KONG,
HONG KONG.

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr Cheung Pui director of operations Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business suggestion for you. Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Major Fadi Bassem who was with the Iraqi forces and also a business man made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of twenty four millions five hundred thousand United State Dollars in my branch. Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that the Major and his family had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigations it was also discovered that Major Fadi Basem did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his
deposit in my bank.

As you can see, twenty four million five hundred thousand United States Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the by-laws of my country at the expiration of 6 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Major Fadi Bassem so that you will be able to receive his funds.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE:

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we will come out successful. I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to Major Fadi Basem, all that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your full name and address so that the attorney can commence his job, after you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary documentation for the movement of the funds to an account that will be provided by you.

There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred, we shall share in the ratio of 70% for me, 25% for you and 5% for any expenses incurred during the course of this operation. Should you be interested please send me your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication, and finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Mr. Cheung Pui.


Seriously. Do people still fall for this shit?


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
How I Do Love A Colorful Lunch Plate
2 YEARS AGO:
Lucky Sevens
3 YEARS AGO:
My Head Has Been In The Clouds For Weeks
4 YEARS AGO:
Chunky Cheese

Monday, July 06, 2009

Spill It

The Lake Spavinaw Spillway at Spavinaw Dam in Spavinaw, Oklahoma.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
I’ve NEVER Colored Inside The Lines. Why The Surprise?
2 YEARS AGO:
I Didn’t Make It, But I Ate It
3 YEARS AGO: Sorry, no post from 7/6/06.
4 YEARS AGO:
Slim Or None? I’ll Take None.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

The Top At Dock


While the boat was still at dock, I got this shot on the top deck of the cruise ship. Lounge chairs are so summer, aren't they?


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: Night Interrupted
2 YEARS AGO: Just A Train And A Tree
3 YEARS AGO: This Is One Lawn Boy I Have No Desire To See Naked
4 YEARS AGO: Not So Cuddly

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Soap Box Derby - Spavinaw Style

Today was spent in Spavinaw, Oklahoma at the home of Eddie's relatives and their friends; an eclectic bunch of folks with down home warmth and high falutin' educations. A lawyer, a jack-of-all-trades, an English teacher, a trucker, a homemaker, a mother, a former Marine military aircraft mechanic and Ed's uncle, a Professor Emeritus who is also an author. Fascinating man, but SO over my head. Although really, you'd never "feel" it, as he truly is warm, personable, down to earth and so average. Would love to have had time to listen to more about his life. As it was, within the first ten minutes of meeting him, I knew I could sit and talk to him for hours! I was thrilled to have finally met him.

In fact, I was thrilled have met them all. We don't get through Oklahoma all that often and when we do, it's never at a convenient time to visit anyone. When his uncle finally met me, he said something to the effect of, "Ohhh, so this is who Eddie has been keeping company with for five years." Yep, that's me!

The food was catered by one of the local Spavinaw law enforcement officers; talk about a good moonlighting job! Chicken, pork, sausages and barbecued bologna. Yep, big 'ol thick slices of bologna prepared on the grill. I didn't try it and I can't say it looked to appealing to me, as it was waaaay to close to SPAM. And we all know how I feel about
SPAM.

We ate, played scrabble, ate, swapped stories, ate and then went into "town" to watch a soap box derby on Main Street. You can see some of the spectators below, standing next to the Indian Taco Dinner sign. I had to ask about that one; apparently it's Indian Fry Bread (we are, after all, in Cherokee country) prepared like a taco salad. Sounds good to me!

The kids were great! So excited to compete in the race. Everyone in a different "soap box" making their way down the main drag two by two. Check out the look of determination on this little guys face as he tries to get to the checkered flag.

Unfortunately, he didn't win; that title went to one of the girls. Go Danica Jr.!

After the derby, most of our crowd went down to the creek to wade, as the heat and humidity had taken its toll. Later in the evening, Eddie and I spread out a blanket near the tiny town lake and took in the fireworks show.

What a great way to spend the nation's 233rd birthday!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Eddie’s Independence Friday
2 YEARS AGO:
Miss Independent
3 YEARS AGO:
Independence Day
4 YEARS AGO:
Independence Day

Friday, July 03, 2009

Eddie Beach Feet Friday

No, he didn't get that tan line by wearing a thong on his foot....it's from the Crocs I finally convinced him to buy. But this is how he spent most of last week...feet up, with the beach nearby.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Panoramic
2 YEARS AGO:
My New Motto
3 YEARS AGO:
Fake It Till You Make It
4 YEARS AGO:
Feria Colour Strands

Thursday, July 02, 2009

My Mother The Jihadist

My mother does a lot of crafty type stuff; she paints, she sews, she quilts and she also does Redwork.

During the school year my three nephews go to her house often, but since school is now out, they've been spending more afternoons there having lunch and hanging out. Often she will involve them in crafts. Lately they've been doing sewing projects; a throw pillow with a guitar emblem, special felt "envelopes" for their goodies, mending childhood blankets, etc.


So in a recent email my mother told me that the oldest one wants to learn Redwork. She said, "He wants me to teach him to do Redwork on a muslim pillow I cut out for him."

Yes, you read that right. MUSLIM. She meant muslin, but that's my mother for you, screwing up her words. She claims she has "word dyslexia". It happens so often we don't really think it's a mistake anymore, it has to be a condition.

So I emailed her back and said, "Are you going to Iraq to get the pillow? Is it a prayer pillow? Will it make him a Jihadist if he redworks the pillow?

She wrote back that she didn't get it, "What do you mean, is he going to be a Jihadist??" First, I calmed her down, then I explained. Once she got it, she laughed.

Obviously my mother's house is not the location of the next sleeper cell, as there is no knowledgeable leader there. I can see the raid on her craft room now...

"We have reason to believe this is a terrorist training camp, Ma'am."

"No, I swear officer, we were just making pillows."

"Uh huh."

"Really, look - here's my thread, here's the muslim....I mean, muslin! Muslin. Mus-LIN."

"Hmmm. Alright. Looks harmless to me. Let's go guys, nothing to see here, just some grandmother making pillows."

"Oh, thank you so much sir. Thank you!"

"No problem Ma'am. Just doin' our job."

"Oh, I completely understand."

And as he turns to leave, she smiles a sweet grandmotherly smile and holds out her hand. In it, the item she just finished.

"Burqa
for your wife?"


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Perfectly Reasonable Defense
2 YEARS AGO:
Provocative
3 YEARS AGO:
Sidewalk Sushi
4 YEARS AGO:
$4,000 Worth Of Tupperware

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Her Bosom Is Heaving, His Member Is Throbbing

(Photo courtesy of Google Images)

Oh, the decadence of a Harlequin romance novel. I haven't read one of these books in over twenty years, but Harlequin is celebrating its 60th anniversary by offering FREE e-book downloads!! How can I possibly resist?

Oh, but I can't resist....just having you so near makes me weak...you take my breath away...just the thought of holding you in my arms....pressing my nose between your fragrant pages...

Download your free Harlequin romance novel here.

You know you want it.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Worn By The Sea
2 YEARS AGO:
Spinning In The Night
3 YEARS AGO:
Forget Country Music! We Have Bungalows Full Of Breasts!!
4 YEARS AGO:
I Demand An Explanation

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What Every Child Leaves Behind

Sand castle on South Padre Island.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
What Happened To Being Human?
2 YEARS AGO:
I’ve Been Everywhere, Man
3 YEARS AGO:
W. The Thief.
4 YEARS AGO: Sorry, no post from 6/30/05

Monday, June 29, 2009

157 Years Of Light


The Port Isabel lighthouse.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Call Me. We Have Telephones In Nebraska Now.
2 YEARS AGO:
Reach For The Sky
3 YEARS AGO: Sorry, no post on this day.

4 YEARS AGO: Sorry, no post on this day.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wishes Really Do Come True

Before we arrived: "I wanna go windsurfing when we get down there."

On the way there: "I hope they have equipment so I can go windsurfing."

As we were walking to the surf shop: "Wow, I think the winds are picking up. Pefect weather for windsurfing."

On the water: "Look Ma, no hands!"

Well, he didn't really say "Look, Ma!" but everything else was said about fifty times before he finally got on the water. May I present Eddie The Windsurfer:

He hadn't lost his touch. It took him only moments to pull up the sail and go cruising across the bay. I sat and took in a bit of sun, read my book and took pictures.

A bit later, I joined him in the water. At around a thousand feet from shore, the water was still only thigh deep. Ed even gave me a quick lesson and I tried to do it myself. I got up on the board and got the sail up, but couldn't stay up long enough to go anywhere.

It was hot and humid but I think the water and the constant breeze was a real help as I didn't hate the experience. Tomorrow is more beach time, hopefully getting a bit more color and maybe even another windsurfing experience. Oooh, or kayaking!

Either way, sun and water will be involved and Eddie will be happy as a clam.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Eddie Plays It Safe Friday
2 YEARS AGO:
What Road?
3 YEARS AGO:
I’m STILL Looking To Get Me Some Good BBQ
4 YEARS AGO:
Say Cheese!!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

It Could Be Africa If It Weren't For The Schlitterbahn

I took this picture on the northern end of South Padre Island. The dunes were lit by the setting sun and over them, in the distance, lies the Gulf of Mexico.

I'm hoping to be able to get more pictures this weekend that consist of more than sand and sunsets. I've heard there's quite a bit of
wildlife around the island; sea turtles and pelicans are two that I hope to see!

** Click here to check out the nightmare that is
Schlitterbahn.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
How To Ace A Job Interview
2 YEARS AGO:
Diver Down
3 YEARS AGO:
Day Tripping
4 YEARS AGO:
Nipple Rock

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Daily Rant Goes Farther East Than Ever Before

Last night, I couldn't decide what I wanted to make for dinner, so I took a look in my pantry and made something up out of the ingredients I had on hand. This was the result:

Chicken Lettuce Wraps
Serves 2

THE INGREDIENTS
2 Boneless Chicken Breasts (about 5 ounces each), diced
1 Red Bell Pepper, diced
1 Green Bell Pepper, diced
1 small can of water chestnuts, diced
1 cup mushrooms, diced
3 Scallions, sliced
3 Cloves Garlic, minced
1 Tablespoon Fresh Ginger, diced
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
3 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
3 Tablespoons Rice Wine Vinegar
1 Tablespoon Hot Mustard
2 Tablespoons Sliced Almonds
Salt
Pepper
Red Pepper Flakes
Lettuce Leaves

THE PROCESS
1. Prepare all of your ingredients before you start. Dice (or mince) everything and put it aside.


2. Cut your chicken in thin strips and set aside.

3. Add one tablespoon of olive oil to a hot skillet. Add chicken and season it with salt and pepper to taste.

4. Sauté the chicken pieces until done, then scoop them out and set aside to cool. Once cooled, dice the chicken and put it aside.

5. Add the other tablespoon of olive oil to the pan and then add all the other ingredients; scallions, garlic, peppers, water chestnuts, mushrooms, ginger, soy sauce, rice wine vinegar and mustard. Sauté for a few minutes, until the vegetables start to sizzle. Don’t cook too much because you don’t want them to be mushy.

6. Season the entire mixture with red pepper flakes and toss the vegetables again to mix it all in – the amount depends on how hot you like it.

7. Add the chicken back in and sauté a few minutes more, until the chicken is hot again.

8. Just before serving, sprinkle the almonds over the entire mixture and toss it in the pan a few times to mix them in.

9. Now, take a lettuce leaf, scoop in a spoonful of the mixture, wrap it up and enjoy!!

I didn't actually have mushrooms and water chestnuts on hand, but I included them in the recipe because I would have used them if they were in the pantry.

I love me some water chestnut crunch!!

Click HERE for a printable version of the recipe.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
What He Does When I’m Sleeping
2 YEARS AGO:
Now You Don’t Have To Go To The Ghetto To Get Crack
3 YEARS AGO: Satchel Pitches A Great Question
4 YEARS AGO:
A Night In Yakima

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

My President's House

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my President? No? Well, I do. So much so, that I swung by his house last weekend to try to catch him at home; thought maybe he'd be watering the lawn or hanging out in the veggie garden with Michelle, or maybe walking the dog with the girls. No such luck. I even used my zoom lens to try and peek into the windows, but he was nowhere to be found.

All I got was this photo.



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Don’t Give Up Hope If You Just Don’t Know What You Want To Be When You Grow Up. You Have Choices.
2 YEARS AGO:
Alright, Mr. DeMille, I’m Ready For My Close-Up
3 YEARS AGO:
Stone Magnolia
4 YEARS AGO:
Fitty Nine!!!