Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Type Of Shopping That Makes Me Want To Commit Suicide, Right There In The Middle Of Macy's

Bra shopping.

It's the one thing that makes me wish all lingerie departments were perched precariously on the edge of a very unstable cliff. That would make it so much easier for me to hurl myself to my death; right into the treacherous, jagged, rock lined, cavernous hole spread out below me.

Usually, I wear a 42DD. In actuality, I fluctuate between a 40 and a 42, depending on the brand or the store I buy it in, but today when I walked into the lingerie department in Macy's and asked for a few items in 42DD, the girl looked at me (or rather, at my breasts) and said, "You're a triple D." Hmmm. "Okay" I said, "double D, triple D, whatever fits is fine with me."

After wrangling with several different styles in my size, she brought me a 42G.


I'm not Anna Nicole freakin' Smith!! Well, when she was alive and all...

The G must have stood for GINORMOUS, because there was so much extra room in the cups I could have fit Anna Nicole AND her breasts in there. Thank God it didn't fit, because even if it did, I wouldn't have bought it. There is just no way. I mean, how would I explain to anyone the concept of a G? My best friend couldn't even comprehend it, and we share a brain!

The dressing room was 150 degrees, I was becoming more miserable by the minute, and in addition to contemplating a murder-suicide, taking the sales girl with me to our deaths, I realized that I hated all the buckling and shifting and adjusting and all. Now I know why some women don't wear bras; they're too much damn trouble.

And they're expensive. The bra I liked the most was $58.00. FIFTY EIGHT. Since my beauties are worth the best (and I just got a $100 mall gift certificate), I might just be going back to get it tomorrow.

That is, if I don't commit suicide by strangling myself in the dressing room before I make it to the cash register. Those triple D's and G's have a LOT of strap to wrap around neck, I tell you.


Anonymous said...

I hear ya- how could something that is worn unseen to almost everyone be such a frustrating thing to pick out and buy! I wear my two until the metal clips are coming apart from the fabric before I even drag myself shopping for another one-

chez bez said...

On the topic of bras, we men just care about one thing: we love to that simple magic trick where you ladies remove them and pull them through your shirt sleeve. Don't ask us why. It's just cool.

Mise en Place said...

What do you want from my life.....I'm barely a "B!" PLEASE!!!

That's the freakin' seventh letter in the alphabet, are you kidding me? :):)

If it were bras we were sharing, I'd be using them as TENTS! lol

Anonymous said...

Ya know, it is almost time for a swimsuit!! You pick out a cute one and don't even think that you can't get into it, and then you realize that Benny Hill looked better!! As for the bras, I think you speak for all of us. I order mine on the web so I can try them at home. I never heard of a G either. Good luck.
Ed's mom