Spring In The Desert

Prickly Pear Cactus with its flowers in bloom. This is what spring in the Southwest looks like.

They Must Have Been On Sale

What other explanation could there possibly be for NASCAR paper towels being in my mother's kitchen???

We're not even from the South.

Not Nearly As Appealing As Gnocchi

Although it's one of my favorite cuisines, and my favorite resturant to eat it in is La Parrilla Suiza, Mexican food doesn't look nearly as appetizing in a photo (this photo was not taken at La Parrilla Suiza) as Italian food does.

It looks rather, well, fattening.

Sad but true.

I Hate When He Does That

So, I'm sitting in a casino in Reno, watching all the old people who have emerged from the stream of busses that come through here on a regular basis. It's amazing, I tell you, and every time I see it I think, is this what's in store for me when I'm old - spending the last of my measly social security check on slot machines?

Anyway, there were two old ladies and one old man sitting directly behind me; they were easily in their seventies. The ladies were going back and forth about what time it was, how much time they had before meeting the bus and why Joe (the guy they were with) had to play one more round on the slots.

Finally the old man gets up, telling the ladies he'll be right back, and starts to walk past me. I watch him as he does, amused by his scrunched old man hunch, the struggle he was having with getting his massive wallet back into his tiny pants pocket and thinking, I can't believe he is still out and about, going to casinos.

He was shuffling. I mean, literally shuffling. As he propelled himself forward, his feet didn't move further than six inches at a time, and never once did they lift off the ground. He was moving so slowly, I was gettting impatient just watching him, thinking he was never going to get to his destination.

He was gone for quite a while and the entire time, the ladies were chattering behind me. The one, who must have been his wife, said to the other "I don't know where he is. We have to meet the bus at three. I hate when he just takes off like that."

Takes off???? She said it like he was fast and just zipped away. It took him ten minutes just to get out of our line of sight. It wasn't like he got far. When I heard her say, "I hope he doesn't forget where we were sitting" I thought it was time for me to step in.

I was ready to get up anyway, so I peeked around the slot machine and there was Joe; standing about one hundred feet away, playing another machine. I turned and said, "Is that him over there?"

They looked, laughed and said "Oh, there he is! Thank you."

"Well, it doesn't look like he got very far. I guess you should catch him while you can."

They agreed and started shuffling toward him. It didn't appear as if any of them were going to make it back to the bus on time; but I'd suspect the bus driver is prepared for the ones who just take off like that.

Better Late Than Never

Back in January, I wrote about finding out that the photo I entered in a contest was a winner and that it was going to be published in the Pilot Travel Centers magazine.

It was finally published in the March 2007 issue and in addition, I won this little cute digital camera.

Click Here to see the winning picture.

Gnocchi From The Gods

This is my absolute favorite type of pasta.

When I was a kid, my Uncle Lawrence and Aunt Jennie used to make these by hand. He spoke such broken English, we could barely understand what he was saying, but damn, he knew how to cook!

Starting Soon. No, Really.

In an effort to gear up for bathing suit season, I have been in endless conversations with my friend in Nashville and my mother, regarding the quickest way to drop a few pounds and get in shape. I'm nauseated with the thought of "poolside activities" and am getting equally ill listening to myself talk about it how we're going to prepare for it. As for Ed; well, he must just be at the end of his rope having to hear the ass end of all these conversations.

While driving through California the other day, in the Sierra Nevadas, through winding roads which took us past glorious lakes and majestic pine trees, as squirrels scampered across the road without fear, I, without stopping for a breath, let Eddie in on my new plan.

"I think we should start walking. Just thirty minutes a day to start. We'll watch what we eat and fit in a walk everyday, maybe even doing forty-five minutes on some days. You know, my doctor friend says we should do at least forty-five minutes for three days a week and she even does things like yoga and bike riding, which we can't do since we don't have bikes in the truck, but I'm going to go to such an extreme of losing weight that people are going to think I'm sick and have one foot in the grave...I swear, I'm going to get Nicole-Richie-skinny and let me tell you, that when I do get there, I'm just going to eat myself back up to a normal size...I'm going to do such a flip, people will wonder what alien is living in my body...I think I'm just going to be one of those people that everyone hates because they're always talking about how "great" they feel from exercise and what a "natural high" they get and how they have "so much energy" and all that crap; people are going to hate having me around. I'm going to talk about organic foods, eating fruits and vegies, how Splenda is the Devil, etc. I'm not going to put one thing in my mouth that is fattening...I'm going to eat more fruits and vegies, I'm going to become an exercise freak...that's what I'm going to do; get all granola-ish like those people in Oregon and up here, the total California types who eat salad all the time with things in it like tofu and edamame...I'm going to walk everyday, I'm not going to drink full fat lattes, I'm going to only order skim milk lattes, maybe even soy...."

And then in the middle of my tirade, "Look, there's a Starbucks!"

"Where???" I said, as my head snapped around.

He just laughed. "Wow, that was quick."

"Well, I didn't say I was starting today."

Evening Tide

The evening tide rolls in, just before nightfall; somewhere in Florida.

It Should Be Called "Thimble Shot"

(Photo courtesy of the internet)

This is my new discovery. It's espresso-y and creamy. But I need it to come in a bigger can. It's only 6.5 ounces. I mean, that's not even two sips.

The funniest thing to me is, on the can, it says "Refrigerate After Opening."

Who can't finish off a can of this stuff?

Some People Are SAD; I Am Not One Of Them

Seasonal Affective Disorder is commonly known as SAD. Most people afflicted with SAD will experience mood variations that are believed to be related mostly to light, specifically, the lack of it. They get depressed in winter months when there isn't a lot of sunshine or throughout the year if they live in areas like Seattle, for example, that has dreary weather on more days than not. This apparently depresses some people.

I am not one of those people; the kind who is adversely affected by dark, gloomy, overcast days. In fact, I actually like them and wish we had more. I am not a fan of abundant sunshine. I enjoy places where there is a cloud or two, inclement weather, ominous storms rolling in. There just aren't enough of those days.

The days that are the worst for me are those SO full of sunshine, I want to poke my eyes out because I can't find a single spot to hide from the glare. Of course, being inside isn't usually a problem, but even when indoors, I like a dark house, I don't want to see sun shining in from every damn glass hole in the wall. My brother used to call my house "The Bat Cave" because I would keep all the drapes and shades closed; all the time.

And skylights? Don't even get me started on skylights; they are straight from the Devil. What kind of sadistic person puts a skylight in their house when there is no way on earth to block the light shining through it??? Not me, that's for damn sure.

Obviously I'm a little pissy about the light today. Actually, it's like this most of the time in the truck when I'm trying to do something from the passenger seat like reading or being on the computer and the abundant sunshine hinders me. If the sun is out, it's incredibly unpleasant and most times, impossible.

The light bounces off the shiny sixty-four square feet of white truck hood, through the eleven feet of wrap-a-round window, none of which can be properly blocked by the slivers they call "sun" visors, and shines directly into the cornea of my eye. And don't even suggest sunglasses, because they are useless. They are fine if all I'm doing is staring out the window upon the sun soaked land, but otherwise, they are too dark to even see what the hell I'm doing, so I'd have to take them off anyway. Sort of defeats their purpose.

I suppose I can take up wearing a tennis visor, like the one my sister-in-law lives in; but she's petite and perky and dresses in cute little country-club-like outfits, often white in color, which actually make her look like she's going to break out in a game of tennis any minute. I would look ridiculous wearing one of those; "sporty" is not my thing.

Sometimes, in a moment of lunacy, like when we recently visted one of the Bass Pro Shop stores, I get all excited by the gadgets and clothing and neat little bits and pieces used for camping and boating and fishing, that I think, I can do this - the fishing, boating, camping thing...

Then I remember who I am. Wait. I hate the outdoors. Sunshine. No TV. No place to plug in my laptop. What the hell am I thinking?

So as those freaky little SAD people are joyfully anticipating the arrival of summer, I will just poke my head out long enough to get a respectable tan and buy a few new pairs of flip-flops.

When I'm not doing that, you will find me hiding behind my sunglasses, bitching about not only the sun, but the heat that will be coming along with it and searching for places that offer tons of shade with the possible bonus of accompanying air conditioning.

And that makes me very HAPPY.

The Restroom Shell Game

Are we just supposed to GUESS where he is??

First of all, there were only TWO restrooms; well, two in the immediate vicinity of this sign. The other was one of those "family" restrooms that I noticed nearby, obscured by a poorly marked door, so if you weren't looking for a family restroom, which most people aren't, this is what you see; men to the left, women to the right and a very confusing sign in the middle.

As I stood outside of the restroom waiting for Ed to come out, I watched everyone who walked in. Men just walked right on by, happily oblivious of anything but their mission to pee. Women, on the other hand, would stop, look at the sign, sort of tilt their head as if they were also thinking one of three?? and then walk into their restroom.

I decided at that moment that it was must have been a man who wrote the sign. Since I didn't see him in my restroom, and I didn't see him in the family restroom, I guessed there was only one place he could be; the men's room, which Ed later confirmed.

For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to place a bet and watch someone shuffle shells until a maintenance man popped out.

Now I Can Go Back To Watching The Show

The only thing better than Larry Birkhead being the father, is Sanjaya getting voted off American Idol.

Finally.

Seriously, people, I'm so glad you came to your senses. I was really starting to wonder what the flock was wrong with America.

Although now I'm quite sure this is the same way we got stuck with George Bush.

The Color Of Elizabeth's Eyes

Taken in Theodore, Alabama.

Is It REALLY Such A Mystery??

While driving through Canada looking for a place to have lunch, this is what I hear come out of Ed's mouth:

"Oh, look! A Hooters in Canada. I wonder what that's like?"

"CANADIAN girls in shorts, that's what it's like."

Sunset On The Move

Sunset in Iowa, captured in the rearview mirror, while in motion.

Activities Director

That's Eddie's new title. He is the trucking industry equivalent of the resort hotel activities director. Or wants to be.

This weekend, Ed and I had a difference of opinion on what we consider "fun" which led us to a discussion on how we can bring our definitions closer together. He told me that he thinks we should find some activites that we can do together outside of the normal way we enjoy our free time.

"Like what?" I asked.

"I don't know. Isn't there anything you like to do that you don't already do now?"

"No, not really."

"Well, what did you used to do with your friends when you lived home?" he wanted to know.

"The same things I do now; go out to dinner, see movies, go for coffee and chit chat at the nearest Starbucks, take in an occassional street fair or concert, have sex. Well, not that with my friends, of course, but you know what I mean."

"That's it?"

"Yup." I think he wanted me to say I used to be a cross country skier, looked forward to hiking difficult summits or enjoyed the personal challenge of golf. Nope. Wrong girl.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Well, I don't know. What about like, bowling?" he said.

"I'd bowl. That's sorta fun."

"Okay, good." he seemed satisfied at his first attempt at suggesting an activity.

"What else?" I wanted to know. "I mean, are you talking about us doing stuff like kayaking, biking, skiing, etc.?"

"Well, that wouldn't be practical in the truck; we can't carry the things needed to do that."

"OK, well what else then?"

"I don't know. Can't you think of anything?"

"I'm not the one dissatisfied with what we do, but okay, let me see...Well, I like to travel, but we already do that. I like to take pictures, but I already do that too."

"Isn't there anything else you can think of??" he's displaying an unusual amount of impatience.

"Well, I'm more of a cerebral girl; I'd be interested in photography exhibits, art galleries, plays, music events, workshops, that kind of thing. Are you talking about activites for fun or something to do for exercise?"

"Either. It doesn't matter." So much for his new job as the Activites Director.

"OK," I said. "Well, let's go discuss it over a cup of coffee and a magazine."

See? We're already doing something I like.

Waxing Brilliant

Back when I was a stupid girl (December), I purchased Smashbox Brow Tech Wax to tame my unruly brows. Even though I had been taming my brows for years with a little spritz of hairspray, I spent, against my better judgement, $20 on this fantastic product, thinking it would do things no one else had promised.

Well, it was good and all, while it lasted. A little pot of wax does not go very far on bushy Italian brows. And no, I'm not going to tweeze them; I like them gloriously bushy, ala Brooke Shields, circa 1980.

But then one day I had this Aha! moment and thought, Why don't I just use mustache wax?? I mean, those guys with handlebar mustaches that never seem to move must be in on some underground secret for sure. So I went on the hunt.

The first few places I tried didn't have what I needed. I guess since it's not 1950 anymore, there aren't many men out there who use the products my grandfather, a barber, used to groom hair. No sticky pomades, no greased back "do" and no mustache wax.

But then, I found this:

(photo courtesy of the internet)

This product has a delightfully citrus scent and tames with unheard of precision in the bushy brow world.

I am thrilled by my brilliance. And all of this for $4.39 courtesy of CVS drugstore.

It's okay; you can envy me now.

Before The Luck Ran Out

Waiting For A Beautiful Balsamic Splash

The first bite of my Vegas mini-vacation.

The Man Filter

Pressed for time and wanting both Starbucks and McDonald's, which were in two different locations, I said to Eddie "I'll get the Starbucks, you get the McDonald's." Plan in motion.

The Starbucks was diagonally across the street from the McDonald's, so as we passed by, Eddie stopped the truck, I jumped out and said "I want a yogurt parfait from McDonald's. Yogurt Parfait."

I proceeded to Starbucks, got my latte and headed back out to wait for my chariot. Hmmm, not out front, but I did see it still parked across the street, so I started to walk over. Ed wasn't in the truck and although I thought he had plenty of time to order our food and should have been back out by now, I thought maybe I misunderstood and was supposed to meet him inside to sit and dine in luxury, so I walked inside to find him.

Just as I opened the door, he was on his way out. We got to the truck and he hands me the McDonald's bag, "You wanted an Egg McMuffin, right?"

"Um, noooo." I say, thinking he's kidding, as I look in the bag.

"Oh, I thought you wanted an Egg McMuffin."

"No," I said, rolling my eyes, "I wanted a yogurt parfait."

"Oh, okay, I'll go get you the yogurt." he answers, in his sweet I-don't-mind-I'll-go-get-it-for-you way.

So we go back and forth a few minutes with "no, don't worry about it" and "it's fine, I'll go get it" and "no it's okay, I'll just eat this" until he finally just starts off across the lot to get the breakfast I really wanted.

I wouldn't make an issue out of this if it were a one time thing, but it happens ALL. THE. TIME. I just don't understand how I say one thing, he acknowledges receipt of that one thing and then he hears something entirely different. It's as if there's a filter in his head that skews all the information and spits it back to him completely wrong. How exactly does that happen?

When I got back into the truck, I tried to approach the subject lightly (so it wouldn't seem as if I were nagging or harping, God forbid) and said, "Can I just ask one thing? How is it that I said 'yogurt parfait' and even made sure I said it twice so you understood what I wanted, and then you get me an Egg McMuffin??"

"I didn't hear what you said. It sounded like mmmph mmpfth yogurmpf parfamfh, so I had no idea what you wanted. I thought you said Egg McMuffin."

So there it is folks, he didn't even hear me. Not one word. Acknowledged, but didn't really even hear what I said, therefore getting me whatever he thought I'd want for breakfast.

I continued with, "I have never in my life eaten an Egg McMuffin. Never. Not once. Why would I order one now?"

"Well, I haven't known you your whole life," he says "I've only known you for three years."

"Okaaay, well in three years I've never ordered one."

"How am I supposed to know you don't eat Egg McMuffins every three years? This could be the three year anniversary of you ordering an Egg McMuffin. I don't know." From his tone, I assume it was his attempt to be funny; and how can I be pissed at someone who is so cute and trying to be funny?

I guess being specific in my requests are not enough, so next time I'll be better prepared. Instead of taking the risk of my information going through the filter, I'm going to write it down and pin it to his shirt like he's five years old; this way, the person at the counter filling my order can read my note and just hand him what I asked for.

No man filter involved.

How To Watch American Idol The Right Way

I know my desire to be in control of certain things has gotten out of control when I find myself telling my mother how to watch TV. Namely, American Idol.

Since I'm on the road and can't watch the show, my mother (who just got into Idol this season, even though I've been begging her to watch it for the last five seasons) calls me to give me the update. Who sang what, what they wore, who's in the bottom three and whether or not that dreadful Sanjaya is still on the show.

This week she admitted to me that when she calls in to vote, she dials in for more than one person.

"Well, I voted for Jordin because she was fabulous, but I made six calls for Blake because he was really good this week too."

"Mom!" I exclaimed.

"What?" she answered.

"You can't do that."

"Do what?"

"Dole out your votes to different people. THAT is why the ones that suck are still there. You have to pick a favorite and stay with them; support them with your phone calls. You can't just be giving one call here, another there and the rest to so-and-so."

"Well, Blake did sing well tonight."

"That may be, but overall he has no chance of winning. And by you wasting your votes on him, you might not be giving Jordin or whoever else is your favorite, the five or six votes they might need to keep them out of the bottom three!"

She stays quiet, which I know means she's annoyed that I'm telling her what to do but she's going to let me continue my rant. In closing, I told her not to waste her votes anymore.

"I mean, geez, Mom. If you're going to watch American Idol and be a fan, you have to at least do it right."

As she hung up the phone, she promised she would do better next week but I'm sure she just wanted to get off the phone so she could get a few more calls in for a couple of the underdogs.

I swear, if I find out that she's secretly voting for Sanjaya, I'm disowning her.

Squeeze Me?

Exclusive Holiday Visitation

Every year, my cousin Greg and his wife visit my brother and his family for the Easter holiday. The kids love having them around and they always plan something fun while they are there.

Of course the dying of the eggs is a monumental event, as there are three boys dying dozens of eggs, which leaves my sister-in-law scrubbing pastel colored fingerprints off the walls and my brother eating egg salad for lunch the two weeks following their visit.

This morning, my youngest nephew caught my cousin Greg in the kitchen.

"Cousin Greg, I want you to come visit us all the time for Easter." he says

"Sure buddy, we love coming to visit you."

"And on Halloween too," he continues.

"Well, I don't know if we can come for Halloween too." Greg says.

"And Valentine's Day; you have to come for Easter, Halloween and Valentine's Day."

"Oh, so all the holidays with candy, right?"

"Yeah." he answered, clearly indicating that in his mind, that was the only logical response.

Well, if you're going to have your favorite cousin come for the holidays, it might as well be the one where you can wear costumes or the ones that your parents allow you to be force fed colorful candies.

After all, what other reason is there to celebrate when you're four years old?

The Quickest Way To Get Ready For A Nap

Today Ed was flipping channels on XM Radio and came across a broadcast of a golf game.

Golf. On the radio.

Were these people not thinking when they came up with the idea to broadcast golf on the radio? I mean, golf on TV pushes the limits of numbing your brain and putting you to sleep within minutes, so how could they possibly think it would be a good idea for people driving to be listening to a golf game?

I can hear the commentator now, "Alright, he's coming up to the tee.....he's ready to take the shot, I think he's going to hook this off to the left, Jim. He's getting ready....the crowd is waiting in silence to see this historic move..."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Thousands of drivers in ditches.

Moonlighting

I found out what George W. Bush has been doing to supplement his income; I think his Daddy got him the job.

Stealing Isn't Always A Bad Thing

Found this at Bleeding Espresso and decided that I absolutely had to have one of my own:

1. How many keys are on your keychain?
Normally, just one – to the truck, If I’m not in the truck, it’s three: house, car, truck.

2. What curse word do you use the most?
Fuck.

3. Do you own an iPod?
No, but I have a Palm Pilot that does the same exact thing.

4. What time is your alarm clock set for?
It varies from day to day as I am on no set schedule. Sleep and rise when I desire.

5. How many suitcases do you own?
One actual suitcase. Other than that, I use a large satchel and a small dufflebag.

6. Do you wear flip–flops even when it’s cold outside?
Yes. I love my flippies.

7. Where do you buy your groceries from?
The nearest grocery store.

8. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Take pictures. See for yourself.

9. What was the last movie you watched?
Shooter (with Mark Walhberg) Well, not with Mark Wahlberg, he was in the movie.

10. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes.

11. If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would buy?
A house for my Aunt Ronni.

12. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Hell, yeah - but usually when I wasn’t doing something they wanted me to do.

13. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
I usually have no trouble falling asleep, but if for some reason a zombie has gotten hold of my brain, I can easily fall asleep with a small dose of Tylenol PM or Benadryl. Ohhhh, yeah!

14. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts and Sara Evans. I’m on a country kick lately.

15. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Chocolate, but not too chocolaty – just enough to color the milk.

16. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Unfortunately, no.

17. When was the last time someone hit on you?
Well, it’s sort of hard to be approached when Eddie is constantly at my side, but just this afternoon, the guy who was working on our truck gave me the once over, the “eye” and then he winked at me. Does that count?

18. What did you have for dinner?
Philly cheesesteak sandwich. YUM.

19. Do you wear hoodies often?
Not really, as I hate to be hot and I hate things that mess up my hair (while making me hot).

20. Can you whistle?
Yes; whole songs, even.

21. Have you ever participated in a protest?
Not officially as part of a group, but I often protest on an individual level.

22. Who was the last person to call you?
My mother.

23. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
None. I hate amusement parks with a passion. See this post.

24. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Most likely.

25. What area code are you in right now?
Right this minute? 410.

26. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Heck yeah!

27. How big is your local mall?
Regular mall size; 4 large anchor stores, 2 levels, food court, etc.

28. How many siblings do you have?
Just one.

29. Are you shy around the opposite sex?
Not in the LEAST.

30. What is your biggest regret?
Not pursuing a career in plus sized modeling when I was given the opportunity.

31. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
Last summer, with my best friend Vicki.

32. What movie do you know every line to?
Dirty Dancing is the only one that immediately comes to mind.

33. Do you own any band t–shirts?
Nope.

34. When was your last plane ride?
May 2005 to Austin, TX.

35. How many chairs are at your dining room table?
I don’t have a dining room table.

36. Do you read for fun?
Absolutely.

37. Can you speak any languages other than English?
Not fluently. I know a little Spanish, Italian, French and enough Romanian to ask for directions and a bathroom.

38. Do you do your own dishes?
No, not usually.

39. What color is your bedroom painted?
Our “bedroom” in the truck is a light silvery gray, but the one we often stay in is white.

40. Have you ever cried in public?
Oh yeah, I cry anywhere.

41. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Laptop.

42. Which do you make, wishes or plans?
Both.

43. Are you always trying to learn new things?
Yes; I’m interested in many things and learn quickly.

44. Do you shower on a daily basis?
Nope. And I have to say, I actually don’t mind it. I feel so european.

45. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Absolutely not.

46. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
Absolutely. I am very old fashioned in many ways and that is one of them. He pays for the dates, he opens doors, carries luggage, takes out trash, kills big bugs…all the things men are supposed to do.

47. Can you skip rocks?
Maybe when I was eight, but haven’t done it since I was a kid.

48. Have you ever been to Jamaica?
Nope, no desire to, mon.

49. What to snack on at the movie theaters?
Twizzlers, Hot Pretzel Bites w. cheese and Diet Coke.

50. Who was your favorite teacher?
Didn’t have one.

51. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?
Outside of the human race? No.

52. What is the weather like?
Dark and cold.

53. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Sure, if he were a nice guy. Why not?

54. Do you have an online journal?
Well, this blog is one of sorts and I also keep a calendar marking my daily doings.

55. What was your favorite class in high school?
High school?? Geez. Who remembers? I guess Home Economics. In college, it was my African American History class.

56. Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes?
Not particularly.

57. What personality trait is a must–have in your preferred gender?
Ability to converse on a vast number of topics in an intelligent manner.

58. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
Oh, absolutely. It’s that “there’s just something about him” quality.

59. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
December 2006.

60. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Mudslide (if that even freakin’ counts as an alcoholic drink!)

61. Does your closest Starbucks have a drive–thru?
Yes, otherwise I wouldn't go. I'm that lazy.

62. Do you like your living arrangement?
Love it – just wish it were bigger.

63. What is your mother’s hometown?
Bronx, NY

64. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Usually six will make me function, but I could easily do ten.

65. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Not usually; I don’t really like breakfast.

66. What was the last thing to scare you?
A pain in my left arm when I was driving; ever since my father died I keep thinking I’m surely going to have a heart attack and die.

67. Are your days full and fast–paced?
Not by a long shot.

68. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
ALL. THE. TIME. One of my earliest memories in school is writing “I will not talk in class” one hundred times on the blackboard. I eventually graduated to writing it 500 or 1,000 times on notebook paper to hand in as an “assignment.” It taught me nothing. I still talk a lot.

69. What is your favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.

70. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
Not unless I’m dieting – which isn’t often.

71. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Oh my God, I’m going to be F-O-R-T-Y.

72. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
I’m a spelling Nazi. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. I usually check and double check myself for spelling errors and if one gets through, there’s got to be a fantastically good reason. As for grammar, not so much. It’s not a strong point of mine, but I try to do the best I can.

73. Do you believe in life on other planets?
Not really. Well, except for Texas.

74. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Unfortunately, I have; and I wish for them all to burn to the ground.

75. Who was the last person to piss you off?
Who wasn’t the last person to piss me off?

76. Do you believe that God has a gender?
If I knew I'd have to answer this, I would have paid more attention in Sunday school.

77. What was the last thing you ate?
Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies.

78. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
I think I get along well with either. I’m very social.

79. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
Casper is the first costume I remember seeing a picture of me in.

80. How did your parents pick your name?
My mother was reading Greek Mythology when she was pregnant with me and found the name Selena, which in Greek meant “moon child.” When she told my father, he said he liked it, so that was that. They changed the spelling to Salena, to incorporate my father’s name – which was Sal.

81. Do you like mustard?
Yes. Spicy brown.

82. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
I don’t really feel like I’ve had any hard times. But what else can you do but just deal with it?
83. Would you ever sky dive?
Maybe.

84. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
Belly and back.

85. What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself?
Well, I can’t think of any movies, but Karen from Will and Grace is all me – minus the excessive drinking and pill popping.

86. Have you ever bid for something on Ebay?
Yes, several times.

87. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
I’m not a hug freak but I wouldn’t say no to one.

88. Would you consider yourself to be fashionable?
Well, I’m not stuck in the eighties if that’s what you mean. I stay current and try to adapt it to my lifestyle.

89. Do you own a digital camera?
More than one.

90. If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?
Flattered that he was interested but uncomfortable because I couldn’t return his feelings.

91. What celebrities have you been compared to?
Kathy Najimy, Elizabeth Taylor, Jo Frost (the SuperNanny) and once when I was in L.A., I was mistaken for Ricki Lake.

92. Who is your favorite Star Wars character?
Don’t have one. Not a Star Wars Fan.

93. Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call but never do?
Depends on the reason they didn’t call, but usually, yes it does annoy me.

94. What books, if any, have made you cry?
I can’t think of one at the moment.

95. Do you think you’re attractive?
Yes.

96. What are you allergic to?
Definitely something, since I’ve had many episodes of this:

Yes, that is me. And this is not one of the moments where I would call myself attractive as #95 asks.

97. Are you a jealous person?
Not usually.

98. What’s your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
I don’t really have an opinion on that. If that’s what you want to do, I guess it’s okay.

99. Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat?
Are you kidding? What is meat for?

100. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?
I’ll have to ask my mother but maybe Michael, since that is my brother’s name and he was born after me. I suppose if I were a boy, I would have gotten that name.

101. Is it lunchtime yet?
Nope – it’s 1 am where I am and I’m getting ready to hit the sack.

New Floridork?

There are many places in the United States that combine the names of the states to create a new town or area, such as the DelMarVa Peninsula on the East Coast. This area is occupied by parts of three states; Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.

Some other examples are Texarkana (Texas, Arkansas), Kentuckiana (Kentucky, Indiana), Texahoma (Texas, Oklahoma), Mexicali (Mexico, California), and Texola (Texas, Oklahoma).

This type of combining of words or names is called Portmanteau, which means the blending of two or more words or parts of words to give a new meaning.

Today in Florida, after stopping at the busiest travel plaza I've ever been to in all my traveling years, Ed comes back to the truck and announces, "Florida is just New York with sunshine. They should call it Florida York."

This is obviously a new revelation to him, since I, as a New Yorker, already know that the south is the preferred destination for many northerners trying to escape the winter doldrums. Almost everywhere you go in Florida, you seem to hear the distinct accents of the Northeast.

If you close your eyes, you'd almost swear you were on Long Island surrounded by Jews and Italians; it's a wonder we haven't come across a restaurant that serves Gefilte Fish Parmigiana.

They Should Give Academy Awards For Good Hair

(picture of Cameron Diaz and my boyfriend Jude,courtesy of IMDB)

My sister-in-law's father is a bit of a movie buff, and when he's done watching his movies, he passes them on to my parents. My mother and I were talking last night about the latest batch he brought over.

"So which ones did you get?" I said.

"Hold on, let me look....let's see....The Prestige....did you see that? I heard it was pretty good."

"No, but Eddie wants to see it. What else?"

"Um.....The Guardian..."

"Oh, I liked that one, about the Coast Guard swimmers; I sorta like Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher was actually cute for once."

"And The Holiday."

"Oh my God, I LOVED The Holiday! The one with the home exchange thing, right? Jude Law, Kate Winslet?" I asked.

"Right, right."

"Jude Law is soooo HOT and I just love Kate Winslet."

"Me too. That Jude Law is definitely easy on the eyes." she said.

"You know," I said, "that home exchange program is a real thing. In fact, they sort of promote the movie on the home exchange website. I would love to do that - switch homes with someone. There are people from all over the world looking to vacation in the United States. I saw people from Italy, the UK and even the French Riviera on the website. Wouldn't that be totally exciting??"

"Very." she said.

"And usually I hate Cameron Diaz, but in this movie, she didn't annoy me as much; I actually liked her."

"Me too," my mother said. "The hair is what did it for me. It wasn't all scraggly like she usually wears it. It was sleek and sort of flat to her head."

"You liked the movie because of her hair??" I said. "Oh, I'm sure they'd love to hear that; here they are trying to perfect their craft as actors and you are basing your love of the movie on Cameron Diaz's hair."

"Well, it wasn't so distracting this time."

Right, because we wouldn't want someone's hair to ruin the movie for you.

The Love Buffet

Last week, I was talking to my Mom on the phone while I was driving and Eddie was sleeping. I decided I needed to stop for a little something to drink, and was telling my mother what I was doing as I pulled into the Love's truck stop.

"The Love buffet? You're going to a buffet? Now?? Eddie is up and wants to eat?"

"No, Ma. We're not going to a buffet." I said, not knowing how she possibly could have heard the word buffet when all I said was that I was stopping at Love's for something to drink.

"Is Ed going to eat now? What's the Love Buffet?"

"Ma, it's a truckstop. The name of it is Love's."

"But what about the buffet?" she asks.

"What buffet?? Where did you get buffet from??"

"I thought you said you were going to the Love Buffet."

"No, Ma. Love's. It's a truck stop. That's the name of it. There is no buffet. I'm just stopping to get something to drink." I answer in exasperation.

"Oh," she laughs "I thought you said Love Buffet."

"Yeah, Mom, I know you did. But no, there's no buffet. No food. Just a soda."

I didn't think she'd want to know that the Love Buffet was planned for later that evening.

The Sun Before The Storm

Storm clouds rolling in over Red Rock State Park near Church Rock, New Mexico. (click to enlarge)