Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
These homes on wheels are amazingly gorgeous with all the bells and whistles. At one dealership, we spent at least four hours with the salesman, looking at several models and getting the scoop on all of them. The downside? Spending four hours with a salesman. Unfortunately, when you drive into a dealership, they descend upon you like vultures. Sometimes we're unable to outrun them since they often drive golf carts, causing us to be stuck with a shadow while we browse.
Today we passed a local RV Show, set up at a fairground. Ed commented that we should just comb the country for shows so we can wander around as we please and not have to even talk to a salesman.
He thought maybe if we pretended we didn't speak English, we could get out of having a salesman on our tail. He said, "Maybe we can pretend to be Russian or Romanian or something. You know, a language that's not common so we won't be forced to talk to them."
"Well, that's an idea." I said.
"Or you could just nod and smile, like people who don't understand the language often do. Whadya think? We'll just pretend we're not from around here." He was getting all excited about his plan. "So, what kind of accent do you think I should have?"
I said, "Why don't you just pretend you're mute and I'll do all the talking?"
I don't think he was too keen on that idea; he gave me mal occhio.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
He said, "I amn't"
"You're what?" I replied.
"I AMN'T!" he said louder.
"OK, fine," I muttered. "Just knock off whatever it was you were doing." I laughed to myself as I walked away, thinking he was quite clever to come up with his own word. We're just so used to hearing the same old, same old, aren't we?
do not = don't
will not = won't
can not = can't
Is not = isn't
are not = aren't
I think there's a new word on the block people, and his name is amn't.
I am not = I amn't
Monday, November 26, 2007
And I am giving them away FREE. But here's the catch:
I am looking for some Christmas gift ideas for Eddie. I know you don't know a whole lot about him, which is just fine, but I'd like to hear about what some of you get your significant others as gifts (so I can steal your ideas), or just tell me about stuff you think might be cool. The idea I like the best will "win" these passport covers (which I will mail to you free of charge - unless you live in another country and the shipping is going to be crazy high - if so, we'll tawk.)
So - e-mail your ideas to me at: TheDailyRanter@aol.com and put "Passport Contest" in the subject line. You have until December 5, 2007 to submit your ideas. I will choose my favorite, let you all know who it was and then mail the passports out that weekend. Once I choose the winner, I will e-mail them to get mailing info.
I think this is going to be the first of my giveaway series. I will most likely be doing this again, giving stuff away, so keep your eyes peeled!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The e-mail wasn't signed, but came from email@example.com which is the e-mail address that belongs to Deanna Giattino (a.k.a. Deanna Stetson Giattino); the sewer rat my father used to live with before he died.
Here is that e-mail, formatted just as it came in:
Subject: the witch of the west
I pray for you, you are a very sad jealous, demented thing, you need help not only to loose weight, but to be able to go on with your devicious scheming plan . I don't know what you want to accomplish, I hope your effort were not wasted, and that ED gets this email before you do so that he can drop you before he realizes that you used him the way you used your father and everyone else. You are a lazy sick ,parasite, whom I hope will self distruct doing us all a favor HAVE A HAPPY THANKGIVING and choke on a turkey bone for us
Here is my response:
Interesting that you should write something to me that so closely mirrors you and your life. But since you have, let's go through this line by line; as painful as that will be, since it seems you have no command of the English language, spelling or grammar. Below, I will deconstruct the e-mail I received. My responses will be in red, so you won't get confused.
First of all, my name is spelled S-A-L-E-N-A and using "Dear" is even too fake for you.
I pray for you,
You pray? Shocking. But you'd really be better off praying for yourself since you're going to need all the help you can get. Don't waste your prayers on me, I already have an angel in heaven.
you are a very sad jealous, demented thing
Jealous of what? Your spelling prowess? Your imagined superiority in life? Your pristine morals? Your home, decorated to look like a cheap, Vegas hotel room with all that trashy animal print? Your frizzy hair? Your non-existent real estate career? Your loser children? Your stripper daughter? Your luck with men? Your reputation in Goshen?
Remind me again what exactly I'm supposed to be jealous of?
you need help not only to loose weight, but to be able to go on with your devicious scheming plan.
By the way, it's "lose" not "loose."
So, should I get help losing weight so I can be thin and get a job stripping at the Olympic Garden in Las Vegas, like your skanky daughter Gena? (What does she call herself on stage these days? Is it her given name of Gena Stetson or Stetson Gena? It's one of those monikers, isn't it? Clever stripper name.). You must be so proud.
Oh, or maybe I should be thinner so I can snag a quality husband like your son Richard Stetson was - but then I'd have to worry if he was still doing drugs, or if we'd have a car to drive since he seems to wreck every one he gets behind the wheel of. Or maybe, oh I don't know, I should be thin like your sister Doreen Tuccillo Leclerc (oh wait, she's not thin anymore, is she?) so I can lure someone else's husband (you know the guy I'm talking about) to have sex with me? Then, as a bonus, they might be able to help me with my "devicious" plan. And I assume by "devicious" you meant "devious".
Or maybe I should just take up drinking to replace all the food in my diet? Lord knows it works well for you and your relatives.
I don't know what you want to accomplish, I hope your effort were not wasted, and that ED gets this email before you do so that he can drop you before he realizes that you used him the way you used your father and everyone else.
You really shouldn't worry about Ed dropping me; he knows how to love someone unconditionally, which is probably a foreign concept for you. Too bad you won't ever know what it feels like to be loved like that.
Now what's this about me using my father and everyone else? How exactly do you see that I used my father? I actually think YOU are the one who did that best. Should I refresh your memory on all the ways you manipulated my father and how you took advantage of his good nature? Didn't my father help your son Richard get a car loan; one that he repeatedly missed payments on? And didn't my father pay to have your back porch built? And didn't my father give you over $800 every month for your bills? And didn't my father pay for your vacations? And didn't my father cook lavish dinners for you and your ungrateful family when he should have been with his own? And didn't my father give you $25,000 toward the purchase of condo you wound up selling for a profit? (The one where you kept his share of the money too...remember?)
You seem to forget that I have access to ALL of his credit card bills, ALL of his bank statements and ALL of his notes. It seems most of my father's money went to you and your needs. Oh, and of course to your son, who has to live at home because he's not a "user" either, is he? He must get that trait from you.
You should really look at the log in your eye before pointing out the spec in another's. But I guess if you're praying, you would now that scripture, wouldn't you?
You are a lazy sick ,parasite, whom I hope will self distruct doing us all a favor
Lazy? Hmm....I don't believe I'm the one who has not worked for over twenty years while living off of my dead husband's money. I DO have a job you know, and I've had a job since I'm thirteen years old. I have worked all of my life, much as I do now. But, come to think of it, do you? I haven't known you to sell a house in twenty years.
I've seen you heading off to play tennis, or getting your frizz managed at the hair salon, but I've never actually known you to work. Unless you consider homewrecking a job - you've done that well. And that pathetic little job you currently have in Goshen; I guess you need to work now because you don't have someone paying your bills anymore or giving you money every month. You let that gravy train die, remember?
As for a parasite, I don't think I could have come up with a better word. To describe you, that is. It's so accurate! Bravo. I always have a plethora of choice words reserved just for you, but parasite is a new one. I like it. Thanks. I'll make sure to add it to my list. Of course, my opinion of you is just that, my opinion, but I would bet my last dollar (from that little thing I have called a job) that I'd be able to put together a VERY long list of others who think the same exact way about you as I do. It wouldn't be hard to find them, as people who hate you are everywhere. The Tuccillo, Stetson and Giattino names don't have such a stellar reputation, you know.
And don't worry your frizzy little head about me self-destructing anytime soon either; I have a great family, great boyfriend, great friends, loads of talent, humor, a big heart and oh, let's not forget....all of that fat to keep me alive and sustain me through the harsh winters. I should be able to get by mighty fine on that.
HAVE A HAPPY THANKGIVING and choke on a turkey bone for us
This is the best closing of any letter I've ever seen. I actually think Hallmark should use this for a holiday card: "Have a Happy Thanksgiving And Choke On A Turkey Bone For Us" (although, they would spell Thanksgiving correctly) What a beautiful sentiment. When you care enough to send the very best and all that. It really "says" what a person is thinking, doesn't it? Contrary to what you'd prefer though, I will be having a VERY Happy Thanksgiving and since I'm such an accomplished eater, I'm sure I won't be choking on any bones.
I do suggest though, that YOU be careful not to get too drunk and wind up face down in the Figgy Pudding. That would be so embarrassing, wouldn't it? Although, you're drunk so often, I'm sure no one will even notice; they are probably used to it and will just think you're acting normal. Just stay away from the computer; you don't want to peck out any more incoherent e-mails.
In closing, although I am still very sad about my father's death and think of him every day, I must re-iterate the one thought I often have when I think of him not being here anymore:
The only good thing that has come from his passing is that he NO LONGER HAS TO SPEND ANOTHER MOMENT OF HIS LIFE WITH YOU.
And that, my dear shriveled old witch, is something that so many of us will express gratitude for on this beautiful Thanksgiving holiday.
Bon Appetit!nna Giattino, Gena Stetson, Doreen Tuccillo Leclerc, Janeen Leclerc Lorenzo, Deanna, Giattino, Stetson, Rich Stetson, Doreen Tuccillo, Doreen Leclerc, Daria O'Brien, Daria Tuccillo O'Brien, Whore, Sewer Rat, Black Widow, Evil, Witch, Gena Stetson Stripper, Goshen, New York,
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me
Girl, you're gettin' that look in your eyes
And it's startin' to worry me
I ain't ready for no family ties
Nobody's gonna hurry me
Just keep it friendly, girl, 'cause I don't wanna leave
Don't start clingin' to me, girl, 'cause I can't breathe
Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me
Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me
'cause I'll just use you then I'll set you free
Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me
Girl, you're a hot-blooded woman-child
And it's warm where you're touchin' me
But I can tell by your tremblin' smile
You're seein' way too much in me
Girl, don't let your life get tangled up with mine
'cause I'll just leave you, I can't take no clingin' vine
How many dates do you think 'ol Mac got once girls heard the lyrics? I mean, I can understand not being ready to have a family and all, but telling the chick you're going to use her and then set her free? Hmmm.
If only girls today knew this beforehand; what an incredible timesaver that would be.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Here are the rules for the meme:
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.
Here are my seven randomly weird facts:
1. When eating pizza, on my first slice (regardless of how many follow) I use a fork to eat all the cheese and toppings, leaving just the crust. Then I eat the crust. I always do it this way. I never deviate. First slice only, eat cheese and toppings, then eat crust.
2. I never go to bed without taking off my makeup. Ever. I don't care how late it is or where I am, I will never sleep a full night with makeup on.
3. I've always wanted to be a make-up artist. It's my dream job. I have been playing with make-up and doing makeovers for as long as I can remember. My first memory of sitting at a vanity table was when I was four years old, in my Aunt Joya's dressing area. She had a stool with a pink vinyl cushion and curly Q legs on it.
4. I hate a tucked in bed. No matter where I am, home or hotel, I absolutely MUST untuck the sheets all the way around so the top bedding is loose. Of course, if Ed is with me, I will just untuck my side, but I cannot stand to slide into a tight bed where I can't move my legs or feet. Even if the rest of me is covered, I have to have my feet out. Otherwise, I can't sleep.
5. I typically don't stress about anything. I'm never "in bed" for days, I never lose sleep, I don't worry about paying bills, I don't care about losing my job, I never worry about not having friends, I don't fret over what will happen when I get old.... I think you get the point. Everything always seems to work out.
6. I LOVE movie previews. I would even consider paying the full movie price to sit through 90 minutes of previews instead of a movie. I never arrive late to the move theatre for fear of missing the previews. I make sure I'm there in plenty of time to get my Diet Coke, Twizzlers and seat in the middle of the back row to settle in well before the previews start. Yay!
7. I like my food HOT. Soup has to burn the roof of my mouth; if I'm in a restaurant and it's not hot enough, I'll send it back. Water for tea or things like hot cocoa or cappuccino mixes, must be BOILING. My friend Vicki has one of those hot water spigots on her sink that dispense super-hot water, but it's still not hot enough for me; I put it in a pot and boil it till I see bubbles! Food has to be hot also. If it's not steaming, I don't enjoy it. Fresh out of the pan, oven, pot....HOT food.
So there are my seven random facts. I don't really do the tagging thing, but if any of you would like to play along, you can post your seven facts in comments or just do it on your own blog. I would love to read them!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Seems like someone is really doing their job well.
* I realized when I was doing some editing that I used this very same picture last year. Sorry for the repeat!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
My mother called me around eight o'clock. She said she was tired, since she had been up since six this morning, hungry and bored. She also sounded cranky. My step-father has been in surgery for almost five hours now, and she's irritated. She can't get a cell phone signal in the hospital, she has to walk a mile of corridors to get outside where she can use the phone and when she finally gets there, she realizes she forgot her coat, so she's freezing while standing there talking to me.
No wonder she's cranky. We chatted a while and she told me she'd call with an update later tonight. I told her to call my brother to ask him to come hang out with her, but she strongly objected, not wanting to bother him. She said, "And don't you call him either."
"OK, OK. I won't." I said.
We hang up and I immediatly dialed my brother.
He was reading bedtime stories to the boys but said as soon as he's done, he'd go over to the hospital. I thanked him and reminded him to bring her a sweatshirt or something since she was cold.
"Oh, and maybe stop by the house and get her book, so she's not bored sitting there." I said. "And some sunflower seeds too, she likes to munch on those while she's reading."
"Yeah, okay. Any other shopping you want me to do before I go over there?" And I thought I was the Ruler In The World Of Sarcasm.
After showing up, keeping her company and waiting for my step-dad to get out of surgery, he followed her home to make sure she got there okay and then called me with an update. Seems he had to look at the floor the entire time the surgeon was explaining what he did, because he was a dead ringer for Eddie Murphy in Coming To America and my brother just couldn't concentrate.
Once that ordeal was over with, both he and my mother went to visit my step-father in his room. When they got there, my mother noticed that Dancing With The Stars was on TV and blurted out, "Oh, shit! I missed Dancing With The Stars!"
My brother looked at her, shook his head and said "Oh, real nice, Ma."
Monday, November 12, 2007
This week though, we've had ladybugs. Everywhere. I found three alone IN the truck. The rest were crawling on the windshield, my side mirror, our exterior visors.
So I made little ladybug sounds to get this one to crawl on over to me and I snapped her picture. I think it was a her. Are they all female? I mean, there aren't any manbugs? Just ladybugs? Hmm.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
This month as I was reading her column, I turned the page towards Eddie, gesturing at Suze's photo, which showed her smiling widely as usual and said, "I read....or heard somewhere, that Suze Orman was a lesbian."
He cracked a smile and responded, "Maybe that's why she's so happy."
Friday, November 09, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
If you hate your job or don't like making minimum wage, do something about it. Go to school, learn a trade or perfect a skill. If you want to be chosen for a job, don't show up in a backwards baseball cap and baggy jeans to fill out the application; the person you hand that application to might be the one making the decision on whether or not to employ you. If you are going on a job interview, dress like you're going on a job interview. Take a shower. Comb your hair. Wear a skirt. LOOK like you want a job. LOOK like you take pride in your appearance. LOOK like you are going to add something to the company rather than being their next problem.
If every guy you date turns out to be a loser, maybe it's time to take a look at the choices you make in that department. Are you always attracted to the same type? Do you never date outside of that type? I have a friend that complains that she can't find a nice guy, yet she won't consider a second date with a guy because he wore a flowered Hawaiian shirt on the first. You're going to judge a guy based on his shirt?? How do you know he's not the one who is going to treat you like you deserve? You never even gave him a chance. She's a good catch. She's smart and funny and attractive and responsible. She deserves a great guy. But she's just picky. Well, maybe if you stop being so picky and give someone a chance to really show you who they are, you'd find a nice guy. It's just a thought.
That mother that left the kid to die in her car? She should not only be jailed, but she should be sterilized and never allowed to have another child in her life. WHO forgets their kid in the car? WHO??? I don't understand how people like this are allowed to even have children. My friend Greg used to say that people have to take a test to get a driver's license, but any moron can have a kid. How true. I can't even express how I feel about people who don't treat their children well. People who have no business having children at all. People who should have had their children taken away from them YEARS ago. It's not a matter of "opinion" and who's right and who's wrong. If there is ANY person who thinks it's okay to leave a child in a hot car for SEVEN hours while you work your shift at Hooter's, they need to have their head examined. There are NO good reasons or excuses for this. You should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and pay for your negligence.
And speaking of paying for your crimes; what's up with those people who think that inmates should have rights? People in jail deserve what they get. Whether it's bad food, limited access to television, no free time, no cigarettes or cable or access to college educations. You are IN JAIL. That's what being IN JAIL means. If you were so concerned about your freedoms, perhaps you should have considered not doing whatever it was that got you INTO jail in the first place. You don't have choices. You can't demand cable. You can't complain that the food you eat isn't as good as what you get at home. You cannot get an education.
These are the things you GAVE UP when you chose to commit the crime that put you IN JAIL in the first place. This chaps my ass more than almost anything (well, except for child molesters) and gets me in such a tizzy that if I had the power to put everyone on a chain gang and feed them all bologna sandwiches, I would.
Yeah, yeah, I suppose there is are some people who have been wrongfully incarcerated, and oh well, sorry for you, but I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about people who COMMIT CRIMES; who knowingly and willingly commit crimes and then expect to have cushy surroundings when they get to jail. It's JAIL. See, that's supposed to be a deterrent. I'm not in jail. I know what is right and wrong, legal and illegal. And I don't do the illegal stuff because I don't want to be IN JAIL. It's that simple.
If you are IN JAIL, you should have NO RIGHTS. NONE. You are incarcerated. CONFINED. Not allowed to have and do and be certain things. No, you shouldn't have the right to a free education when people out in the world who haven't committed crimes don't have that same right. You shouldn't get to watch TV and work out and go to the library and enjoy social hour in the courtyard. You are IN JAIL. You should be used for free labor. You should be put to work for the good of the society.
If you continue to do the same thing, over and over again, don't expect any type of sympathy from me. You'd have to be crazy to think you'll get it.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
They teach living "green" in their seminars on straw bale home construction, making bio-diesel, using energy efficient lighting, water purification systems, installing solar panels on your home, using composting toilets, etc.
Ed is very interested in all aspects of this kind of living and with some things, I'm right there with him, but I definitely draw the line at these.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
This week, as she was watching, she had me on the other end of the phone, telling me how annoyed she is that Marie Osmond was still safe.
“Why, don’t you like her?
“I’ve never liked her; or the Osmond Family, for that matter.”
“Really?” I said, as she continued heaping verbal praise on those she does like (Helio and Juilliane) and wishing broken ankles on those she doesn’t (Marie Osmond and Jane Seymour).
“God no. I’ve always hated the Osmonds. They just have too many teeth.”
“Too many teeth??”
“Yeah, like beavers. They have huge, bucky beaver teeth.”
I wonder what she'd have to say if she saw those plastic surgery pictures?
Thursday, November 01, 2007
**(As always, clicking on the picture will give you a larger view.)