Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Shit Eating Grins. And Giggles. And Shits And Giggles.

Today Ed's parents arrived in Tucson to join us for Thanksgiving. I made dinner for us and I also made a hot spinach and artichoke dip to take to my brother's house tomorrow - my contribution to the appetizer portion of the day.

During dinner, the conversation turned to dogs. Ed's mom has two - a jackapoo and a min-pin - that she brought with her. She used to have a chihuahua too, but gave her away. When my mother asked why, the following conversatin ensued.

"Well, Chico had a real problem with shedding. There was hair everywhere. And she just didn't get along with the other dogs." Ed's mother said.

"Ohhhh." my mother said.

Ed's father was sitting back with a grin on his face, listening to the story. Then he said, "Well, that's not the real reason."

"Well, true...." said Ed's mom. "We found out that she was a Chih-weenie."

"Nooo. A Chih-weenie?" I said.

"A Chih-weenie??" said my mother, confused.

"Part Chihuahua, part weenie dog." I explained.

"You got rid of her because she was a Chih-weenie?" Ed said.

"You're a dog racist!" I gasped. Everyone laughed.

"No, I'm not." Ed's mother said, sounding seriously offended.

"You know, I thought she looked a little long." I said, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.
"Yeah, she was long." Ed nodded in agreement.
"And a Chih-weenie. Who'd want a Chih-weenie?" I said.

"Well, she also had another problem." Ed's father said.

"What could be worse than being a very long Chih-weenie?" I said.

"Well.....she didn't only shed." he said. "She also liked to eat poop."

The entire table burst into laughter. As it was, we couldn't say the word "Chih-weenie" without breaking out in giggles.

"A shit-eating Chih-weenie!" I exclaimed.

"She ate poop??" Ed said.

"Oh my God. Not only is she a very long, hair losing Chih-weenie, but she eats poop??" I said. "Just her own poop?"

"No. Any poop." Ed's dad said.

I could not breathe at this point. My mother was laughing until she cried. Ed couldn't breathe. And his parents were both cracking up, barely able to continue with the story.

"So what did you do with her?" Ed finally said.

"Well, we gave her to your Dad's team partner." his mom said. Ed's dad also drives a truck as a team with a friend of his.
"Did you tell him that she was a Chih-weenie?" I said, emphasizing the word Chih-weenie with feigned disgust. "Or did you just pawn her off as a tiny cute dog?"

Silence.

"Did you tell them about the poop eating?" Ed said.

Silence.

"Well, funny thing...." Ed's dad began. "One day we were driving and my buddy said,out of the blue, 'You know that dog you gave me? He eats shit.'"

We couldn't breathe we were laughing so hard.

"Well, what did you say?" I asked.

"I just said that maybe that's his diet." Ed's dad said. "I didn't know what to say. And then, the dog ran away from him, and they called us because it has one of those chips in it."

"Oh my God. You can't even get rid of the shit-eating Chih-weenie. You're being haunted by her." I said.

"It doesn't matter who the dog belongs to, you'll never escape the poop-eating Chih-weenie now." Ed said.

We must have talked about that dog for the next ten minutes. Imagining all the scenarios in which they'd be contacted and asked if the dog was theirs, only to tell them it wasn't and then try to act like they don't know anything about his dining habits.

But we all know. We can't un-know that information.

And I let that dog lick my face.


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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO:
Waiting It Out
2 YEARS AGO:
My Life According To Sugarland
3 YEARS AGO:
EPCOT On Fire
4 YEARS AGO:
Eddie Full Of Turkey Friday
5 YEARS AGO:
Crouching Poultry, Hidden Turkey
6 YEARS AGO:
Is It Really A Sandwich?

3 comments:

all things bradbury said...

omg, i about fell out reading this.....lol....brad and i just looked at each other when i finished reading and said, "well, at least babygirl doesn't eat her own poop"!....that's something, at least.....glad to hear that you're all together in tuscon....have a wonderful thanksgiving!...give your mom a hug from us!

Gi-Gi Roxx said...

That is the funniest shit I've heard all day. Thanks for the pre-bedtime laughs.

Anonymous said...

OMG, that made me laugh so hard, thank you. Very funny.
Greggie