Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I Should Get A Job Working The Pole At A Boy Scout Camp

Not the stripper pole, mind you. The fireman's pole.

Let me explain...

Ed has a bit of trouble getting up. Whether it's the morning, from an afternoon nap or in the middle of the night when it's his turn to drive.

I call him, he doesn't respond. I nudge him, he doesn't move. I yell, he stretches and turns over. He is impossible to wake up.

I always wake him at least an hour before I would wake a normal person. For example, if I know we have to leave at say 7am, meaning actually drive away from wherever we are parked at 7am, I will wake Ed at 6. He likes to do something he calls "greeting the day". When I ask him to get out of bed, he sleepily answers "But I'm greeting the day." And I always tell him, "Well, do it a little faster."

So I wake him, he greets the day, then he takes about fifteen minutes to actually get himself out of bed. He flips back the covers, does a five minute cat stretch, scratches his nether region, stretches again, then he rolls himself toward the edge of the bed, thinking about getting out of it but then decides against it and stretches again, then he throws one leg over the edge of the bed, letting it dangle for a few minutes before he thinks about moving the other leg, then as he throws the second leg over, and hauls his body up to a sitting position. He rubs his eyes like Rip Van Winkle, looks around as if he's trying to figure out where he is and how the hell he got there, and then he stands up.

After he stands, he lumbers (and I do mean lumbers) to the bathroom, takes what I think is an inordinate amount of time to just pee, then comes out to locate what he'll be wearing for the day. This is usually the quickest part of him getting ready since I lay out his outfit for him. Unless of course, he's wearing sneakers instead of flip-flops. If that's the case, then it's another ten minutes for him to put on socks and tie his shoes.

Then he has to make oatmeal, have his coffee and walk the eleven feet from the sleeper into the cab of the truck to start driving. Oh. My. God. Can he have taken longer to get this rig rolling??? Do you now see why it takes us forever to get anywhere? Just getting out of bed takes him forty-five minutes.

That's where the pole comes in.

Once when I told Ed he needed to get out of bed faster like I do, he told me that I was like a fireman; I jump out of bed like I'm going to a fire. He's exactly right. The alarm rings and I am up! Ready to go!

I always know where my hose is, and like a Boy Scout, I'm always prepared.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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Gil said...

Eddie kind of sounds like me and you my darling wife. Let us poor guys rest.

Hedon said...

I can get my body up and moving fairly fast (ok not compared to you or Stace) but the brain takes a good 30 minutes to start firing on all pistons.