Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Young Never Have Trouble Screwing

My brother has been doing some work at my mother’s house this past month. It started with fixing the door in the washer and dryer area and wound up turning into new sliding doors and shelving in the laundry area, and a new pantry configuration - same pantry, just a relocation of the doors making it easier to access.  He tore everything out and started from the studs.

My brother had one of his employees, Jonathan, helping him on the job – a young kid who was going to primarily handle all the painting, in addition to some other little tasks.

Like helping my mother hang the quilt she made.

Jonathan was mid-brush in his painting when my mother approached with the quilt in one hand, a screwdriver in the other, held the quilt out to him and said, “I can’t screw anymore.”

He must not have seen the screwdriver in her other hand because my brother said Jonathan stopped and looked at her with an expression that said, I really hope there’s more to that sentence.

But he must have looked, to her, as if he were waiting for her to go on. So she did. “You’re young. I’m sure you don’t have any trouble screwing.”

That’s when my brother piped in and said, “What did you say, Ma?”

“Well, I was just telling Jonathan how I don’t screw anymore. Oh, I used to screw all the time when I was young, but at my age, I can’t do it anymore.  And my hands hurt. Don’t your hands hurt, Michael? Probably not, huh? You can probably still screw.”

“Oh yeah, I still screw. All the time.” He said sarcastically.

And then….this is our favorite moment with our mother.

She got it.

“Michael! That’s not what I meant. Oh my God.” She was flustered. “Oh no. I didn’t mean that. I meant…”

“Yesss?” my brother said.

“Well, what I meant was…”

“What did you mean, Mom?” Michael said, as Jonathan turned to finish his painting.

“You know what I mean, Michael. Now stop it.”

In the end, it was Michael who went to his toolbox, got his electric screwdriver and went to work.

And my mother’s quilt is hanging for all to see.

Proof that someone in the house knows how to screw.  

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2012: Making Tracks Across The Country
2011: Eddie Is The King Of The Dome
2010: Do It For Half An Hour A Day
2009: Sipping In Nyack
2008: The Tink Tink Tinkle Of Recycling
2007: Ralph’s Service Station
2006: The Isle Of Capri
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!


Gil said...

She keeps improving with age! Every one of these episodes is better than the previous one.... Luv your Mom....

Anonymous said...



The Daily Rant said...

GIL: And half the shit she does I keep to myself! If only you REALLY knew. LOL

DEE: That's my mother - a well of material. I should have been a stand-up comedian.

Anonymous said...

Love the stories about Mommy and this is very funny. Thanks