Golden Arches

The Stone Arch Bridge, spanning the Mississippi River in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

North Sally Port

New Castle, New Hampshire

I've Been Everywhere Sunday

We have been inadvertently delayed in our efforts to get back to work and are going into week two of rest and relaxtion, so rather than pout, we have tried to make use of our time by sight seeing.

The list this week adds a few places that make New England proud:

Farmington, NH
Hartford, CT
Kittery, ME (which included a visit to The Kittery Outlets and dinner at Robert's Maine Grill where I had one of my favorite seafood dishes; baked scallops!!)
Londonderry, NH
Manchester, NH
Methuen, MA
New Castle, NH
Portsmouth, NH
Salem, NH
Worcester, MA

Next week: The ungodly heat of the American Southwest.

Kittery Dittery Doo

The harbor at Fort McClary State Park in Kittery, Maine.

Eddie Breaks The Rules Friday

Eddie breaking the U.S. Coast Guard rules by climbing on the granite wall at Fort Constitution in New Castle, New Hampshire.

Flowing History

From the Historic Marker in front of the Spicket River Falls Dam in Methuen, Massachusetts:

The Spicket River Falls was first harnessed for water power in 1709. The present granite block dam was built in 1870 and 1880. Semi-spherical holes were carved in the top and bottom of each stone and cannon balls were inserted in the holes for reinforcement. The wood frame Mill No. 5 (ca 1840) sitting by the dam is the second oldest building in the Methuen Company complex. This is also the site of Methuen's first textile mill (1812-14, burned in 1818). In 1987, the Methuen Falls Hydroelectric Company began generating power here once again.

Another Year Of Life In The Pink

This month is chock full of birthdays that include several friends and family members; one of those family members is my mother and the other, my cousin Deana.

After speaking with my Aunt this morning and her refreshing my memory of how she buys my cousin flowers on the first day of her birthday month(and that she also sent my mother a beautiful bunch for the very same reason) I decided to post one of my own in honor of the birthday girls.

This picture was taken in the glorious rose garden at FDR's Hyde Park, NY estate. Here's to a fun filled month of birthday cheer!

Very Large Cheek Pouches Come In Handy When Traveling

Michael, my newest and most ardent fan, asked his mother today where in the country I was.

She answered, "New Hampshire."

Mina, his beauty queen of a sister screams, "New Hampster? Where is THAT??"

It's where the cuter members of the rodent family go on vacation, that's where.

Meat. The Old Fashioned Way.

While in Rhinebeck, New York last week, we visited Fleisher's, a butcher shop that offers only meats that are organic or have been pasture-raised.

Meaning, they eat grass; like they're supposed to.

Wow, what a fresh concept.

I've Been Everywhere Sunday

This week, we haven't been ANYWHERE. While off duty in New York, these are the following places we have visited:

Goshen, NY
Rhinebeck, NY
Newburgh, NY
Hyde Park, NY
New Paltz, NY

The Hudson Valley is one of the most beautiful areas in New York State. I grew up in this area and every time I come back, I feel nostalgic and can't wait to drive around to drink in the beauty. So although we didn't work this week, or travel all over the country as we usually do, I was so pleased to spend time in this area.

It was the perfect place to do nothing.

Not Only Did He Pray, He Posed

If you click on the picture, you will see how this little creature actually turned toward me to pose for the photo. I'm just so lucky to find such accomodating models, aren't I?

Photo taken in the personal gardens of Franklin D. Roosevelt at his Springwood Estate in Hyde Park, New York.

Eddie Tests His Spine Friday

This is Eddie's favorite position when we shack up in a hotel room for a night. Or seven.

"It is in his pleasure that a man really lives; it is from his leisure that he constructs the true fabric of self." ~ Agnes Repplier

Posthumously Famous In The World Of Cheap Lodging

We've been in a hotel for a week; no reason, not work related, but just because we feel like it.

Originally in New York to visit my Uncle who had a heart attack, our weekend visit has turned into a week long visit. We haven't been doing much of anything; updating our new computers, catching up on paperwork and sleep, shopping for things I don't need and dining out, as usual.

We found an inexpensive Super 8 hotel to stay in and today, while talking about getting out of the room and into the fresh beautiful air, Ed wanted to know WHY we had to go out. Now I don't mind being lazy and I enjoy laying around reading magazines and watching TV as much as the next sloth, but I wanted to SEE something. DO something. Being in the room is sort of blah and depressing. I mean, it's not like we're staying at a Westin resort; it's a Super 8.

"What's wrong with it?" Ed wanted to know.

"There's nothing wrong with it" I answered, "it's just...I don't know...it's kinda old and sort of run down, that's all. Depressing."

"What do you mean, depressing??"

"It's the kind of room comedians commit suicide in," I said. "In fact, we should call these kind of hotels 'Mitch Hedberg' hotels and next time we plan to stay overnight somewhere, I'll ask, 'Where do you want to stay, at the Westin/Ramada/Hilton/Doubletree or at a Mitch Hedberg?' Then you'll know what your choices are."

"A Mitch Hedberg?"

"Yeah. I mean, how many stories have we heard about comedians who have committed suicide in hotel rooms? John Belushi back in the 80's, Richard Jeni just this year, Mitch Hedberg a couple of years ago. I mean, some of them stay in nice hotels, but the majority of them always seem to pick the most isolated, dreadful places to end their lives; seedy hotel rooms. But then again, I guess that's the whole point; they think they lead a dreadful life, so they end it in a dreadful death."

Ed responded with, "I guess."

"OK, great. So let's take a little tour of the town and have some lunch before we head back to the comedian's coffin."

A Hippie Dippie Woo Woo Town Sporting Lots Of Leg Hair

While lounging around New York this week, Eddie and I took a trip up to New Paltz for a little shopping and, since Ed has a very specific feeding schedule, lunch at P & G's.

New Paltz, home to SUNY New Paltz, a state university, is a very hippie/granola/college town where you'll find people walking the streets who are tatooed, pierced, dressed in tie-dye, wearing birkenstocks with prairie skirts, or all of the above.

There are several shops and restaurants that line the main drag and even a Starbucks on the corner for those corporate types who can't go without their daily brew. One of my favorite stores is The Groovy Blueberry; mostly for the name, but also for the unique jewelry that is found inside the shop, heavily laden with the smell of Patchouli and incense.

Everytime I visit this town and this shop, I have an overwhelming desire to never shave my armpits again.

Queen Of The 21st Century

I am officially crowning my mother the Queen Of The 21st Century.

I bought her a cell phone for her upcoming birthday and she has shocked me to the core.

She figured out how to text message. On. Her. Own.

Mom, please come get your crown.

A Match Made In Heaven

This is my little fan. The last time I was in Nashville, we shared a slice. Isn't he just perfect?? A guy who likes pizza AND truck driving? He can be on my team any day of the week!

I've Been Everywhere Sunday

Another week, another list of places. We're thinking about moving into larger living quarters, so we traveled to Wisconsin to look at a new truck:

(as usual, click to enlarge)

It's four and a half times larger than the sleeper we're in now. I can't even imagine the possibilities!!! It's certainly going to make traveling cross country a lot more comfortable! But for now, we've gotten by with what we have, and this week, his the following places:

Allamuchy, PA
Beloit, WI
Downers Grove, IL
Freedom, OH
Girard, OH
Lovelock, NV
Sacramento, CA
Snow Shoe, PA
Soda Springs, NV
Waukesha, WI

Happy As A Clam

Over the weekend, we were invited to my cousin's house for dinner and this is the meal his beautiful wife created. Linguine with white clam sauce; fresh clams, garlic, parsley....as fragrant as it was beautiful!

Tipping Point

The last time I went through Nashville, I was behind the wheel instead of Ed. I called Vicki to ask her a question and mentioned I was cruisin' through town. I hadn't called her to tell her I was going to be there because I knew I couldn't stop to visit; and why torture myself if I couldn't stay and enjoy my friends?

"Where are you??" she wanted to know. I gave her my whereabouts and she immediately said, "I'll be right there!"

Before I knew it, she came cruising up beside the truck, leaning on her horn. The kids had their heads hanging out the windows screaming "Miss Salena!!!" and waving. I was on my way to Memphis and the kids wanted her to follow me there. Her son Michael told her to "just call Daddy and tell him we're going with Miss Salena and we'll see him later. You know, so he won't be worried."

Perfectly acceptable logic for an eight year old; an eight year old who is apparently my new biggest fan.

Later in the week when Vicki and I talked, she told me how Michael would not shut up about me. How everything he talked about had to do with trucking; the color of his truck, the size of it, the routes he was going to drive, who was going with him on each trip and how he wanted to do "exactly what Miss Salena does".

We believe the day he saw me actually behind the wheel, was his tipping point. That was confirmed when he told Vicki, "Man MOMMMY!!!! Miss Salena is REALLY driving!!!"

Star Gazing

Yesterday, my friend Vicki was telling me that while at a job site this week, her husband saw Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman hanging out in the backyard of their home in Nashville. Just hangin'. Like normal people!

That sighting got us to talking about the celebrities we've seen in our lives; of which she claims to have never seen any at all. Well, except for George Jones, the country singer; and that only happened because I dragged her to stake out a songwriters funeral in Nashville hoping to get pictures of some of the big stars as they exited the building after paying their respects. Yes, I know, I am now official paparazzo scum.

I then started to rattle off all the people I've come across over the years and realized that I had an actual list. The more I thought about, the more names that came to me. I have to say, I always have been a bit of a celebrity hound. I wouldn't say I get star struck necessarily, just mostly think it's cool to run into or talk to a celebrity that I wouldn't normally have the opportunity to, in a place I don't expect them to be; which is really anywhere I happen to be.

When I was younger, I worked at our family restaurant in the Catskill Mountains of New York. Over the years, many famous people ate there when they were in the area performing at the local resorts. Most of those celebrities were before my time, but the ones I did meet when they stopped in for a good steak were:
* Michael Spinks, a light heavyweight/heavyweight boxer who went to school with my step-brother.
* Frankie Laine, of the song "Rawhide" fame.
* Alan King, a Brooklyn born comedian who entertained predominately Jewish crowds with humor about everyday life and Pat Cooper, who kept the vacationers in the Catskills laughing with his politically incorrect humor, delivered with the accent of a typical New York Italian.

In my teens, I was addicted to "As The World Turns" and was beside myself when I ran into the following soap stars in New York City:
* Justin Deas and Margaret Colin, who are married in real life, and who my cousin Ro and I sat next to in a restaurant named Ernie's. We tried to act normal, but it was so hard not to keep looking over at the people we saw on TV everyday. And another time, with the same cousin, out at a NYC nightclub, we ran into James Wlcek who played Lincoln "Linc" Lafferty, the resident hottie in Oakdale. I touched him on the arm and told him I thought he was a great actor. Great actor??? He played a steamy soap hunk. I didn't know what else to say. But I did get to touch his bulging bicep!

Working at high end resorts also allows for lots of star sightings. When I worked at the Westin La Paloma in Arizona, I had several brushes with celebrity. The following celebrities I spoke to only on the phone, but it was kinda cool nonetheless:
* Kris Kristofferson
* Anne Margaret
* Andrew "Dice" Clay, who I spoke to and also got a sweatshirt from
* Mary McDonnell, the woman who played "Stands With A Fist" in one of my favorite movies, Dances with Wolves

Another little phone brush with celebrity happened while I was working at American Airlines; I got to speak to Joaquin Phoenix when he made reservations for him and Liv Tyler, who he was dating at the time.

Others, I actually dealt with in person, which although I couldn't show it, had me all excited by the fact that if I reached out my hand a mere foot, I could touch them! Those few are listed here:
* Tom Selleck
* Operatic Diva, Renee Fleming: She needed my assistance in mailing a package to Italian fashion designer Gianfranco Ferre. I remember asking her, "The Gianfranco Ferre??" and she answered in a such a way, I got the impression she thought everyone was close personal friends with him.
* Jamie Gertz: Square Pegs, The Lost Boys, Less Than Zero!
* Emilio Estevez
* Martin Sheen
* Dr. Ruth: Who is SO tiny, her head barely came to the top of the front desk counter
* Rita Rudner: Comedienne
* James Avery: He played Philip Banks, the father on Fresh Prince of BelAir
* Carroll O'Connor: The unforgettable Archie Bunker and then later in life, the Sheriff on In The Heat of the Night
* Betty White: The ditziest of the Golden Girls
* Daniel Baldwin: The chubbier, very blue eyed Baldwin brother
* Josh Brolin: Who used to film Young Riders just 20 minutes from my house

And finally, random sightings up close with celebrities:

* Halle Berry, shopping for shoes RIGHT NEXT TO ME at Century City Shopping Plaza on Santa Monica Boulevard in California.
* Trick Pony, the country music trio, when Heidi Newfield was the lead singer, who happened to walk in and sit down RIGHT NEXT TO ME in an airport restaurant. I didn't believe my eyes at first because they looked like they just stepped off the album cover. It was very odd.
* Brigitte Neilsen (before she was weird) and Mark Gastineau (before he quit the NY Jets for fear of getting caught using steroids) towering over the crowd at New York City's San Gennaro Feast in Litle Italy, like two beautiful giants.
* George Jones (as already mentioned)
* The beautiful Diahann Carroll with her husband, Vic Damone , in Atlantic City, dining out with their posse at the table RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
* Alec Baldwin and a lady friend, as he was coming out of a restaurant we were standing in front of, then wound up going to a pizzaria that we were already on or way to. He took the table RIGHT NEXT TO ME and even spoke to my friend Alan.

I can't think of any others at the moment, and I'm sure my list isn't as extensive as people who live in NY or LA, but for me, I get a little rush each time I see someone famous.

I'm still waiting for Brad Pitt or George Clooney to appear before me; although, I think I would hyperventilate and make a total fool of myself. And I just know my fingers would cramp up or something stupid like that and be unable to work the camcorder, the cell phone or my camera.

So you'd just have to believe me.

Salena Kandinsky

Last night, I was was playing around in my photo editing program and started to randomly put colors on the screen; this is the result.

When I looked at it again, I thought Wow. That looks like a Kandinsky. See more of his work here.

Yes, I really am that good.

A Million Comedians Out Of Work And I'm Lucky Enough To Live With One

The last few days, I've been unusually sluggish. Personally, I think it's the heat. I don't function very well in temperatures over sixty-five degrees and lately everywhere we go, it's been hovering around or over one hundred. ONE HUNDRED DEGREES!! There is something very wrong with that.

That said, I turned on my computer this morning and came across a picture file named "Salena." When I opened it, I saw this:

I knew immediately who the culprit was and asked Ed, "What's this???"

"Oh," he said, "That's a picture I took of you earlier today."

Isn't he charming?

And for all you women out there about to ask the question....

No, you cannot have his phone number.

Freakin' Ewww!

The creepiest thing? You can see his beady little eye.

I've Been Everywhere Sunday

Once again, I bring to you "I've Been Everywhere Sunday," as promised in my first ever post about it. So, I'm providing another list of places that Eddie and I have traveled through in the last week. Some of these have links taking you to the town website if you're interested in further information:

Citrus Heights, CA
Napa, CA (The Napa Valley is a gorgeous treat for the eyes!)
Sebastopol, CA
Des Moines, IA
Lincoln, NE
Newark, NJ
Wendover, NV
Du Bois, PA
Tobyhanna, PA (We picked up our load at the Tobyhanna Army Depot)
Fort Bridger, WY

This week was heavy on wine country, but not heavy on the wine! If you ever have the chance to visit this area of California, be sure to include time in your travel plans to snake through the gorgeous vineyard lined roads of the Napa Valley.

Semantics

This place could take on a whole new meaning if you put the emphasis on the wrong word.

Anything I Want

Late last night, I bribed Ed to go into the truckstop to get me a big cup of ice and a diet orange soda. After some negotiation, he relented and trudged off.

When he came back, he told me that as he was walking around the store getting my items, he heard "You Got It" by Roy Orbison playing on the radio.

Anything you want, you got it.
Anything you need, you got it.
Anything at all, you got it.
Baaaaaby!

He laughed to himself, finished his shopping and brought me my goodies.

Man, he's the best; I always get anything I want.

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Grapes Being Crushed Into Wine

The vineyards of Napa, California

It's An iPod, Not A wePod

My cousin was telling me a story the other day about a guy on the train who was listening to his iPod so loudly, that she was unwillingly subjected to also have to listen to it for the duration of her ride. Oh, I suppose she could have moved her seat, but that's not the point, so she just sat there annoyed, as you can imagine she might have been in that situation.

I've been in the same spot; being on a plane, at the gym (ok, that's a rarity) or even sitting in a waiting room and having to hear someone else's music because they have it playing so loud. Even if you liked the song, you can't hear the words, so you're usually listening to the din of whoever they chose to take with them that day.

You almost want to ask them what the point of wearing a headset is on a personal audio device if others can hear their music?? The whole concept of a headphone is so the music stays their ears only; otherwise, they might as well have just brought a boombox and set it up next to their seat if they were going to be so hell bent on subjecting the general public to the soundtrack of their life.

It's disturbing to me and it tells me they have no concern for those around them since they aren't even aware of how loud the music is. If I wanted to hear Linkin Park, I'd buy the damn CD myself. I don't need to hear the screams of the lead singer through their ears.

Another thing my cousin noted was, how loud is it in their ears if she can hear it in hers?? It's bad enough the presence of a headset sends a clear message to the rest of the world that they aren't interested in being social; that they'd rather not be bothered and have better things to do in life than talk to strangers on the train.

So maybe you they should just re-apply their black lipstick, hike up their draggy droopy hig hop pants for the fifteenth time and figure out how they're going to beat the old lady to the door so they don't have to hold it open for her. But in the meantime, they need to turn down the noise they are listening to.

It's called an "i" pod for a reason.

One Side Of A Coin

Lying in bed last night, me on my side, Eddie on his back, we were talking about our day.

I sleep on his left, so I was facing him, my arm underneath my head, elevating me a bit. Ed was on his back, but kept looking over at me as we spoke. I was getting annoyed just looking at his one eye.

"Can't you turn and face me?" I said.

"Why?" he wanted to know.

"Because I can only see your profile and your left eye."

"So? What's the problem?" he answered.

"Well, it's just weird." I said, looking at his one eye. "I feel like I'm talking to a coin."

Experimenting With Scrotum

Take a look at the town the red arrow is pointing to. Quick! What's the name of it??
Did you see Scrotum? 'Cause I did. Like fifteen times; which is about how many signs I passed as I approached the town, and after reading each one, I still thought they said "Scrotum."

I did a double take each time to make sure I was reading it right and although my eyes saw "Scotrun," my brain processed "Scrotum."

Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Balltown, Virginville, Experiment, Gobbler Knob...who named these Pennsylvania towns?? A bunch of seriously oversexed settlers is what I think.

I also think I'm moving to Experiment.

I've Been Everywhere Sunday

As promised in my last post about being "everywhere," I'm providing another list of places we've happened upon in the last week. The list for this week's "I've Been Everywhere Sunday" is:

Walcott, IA
Joliet, IL
Gary, IN
Omaha, NE
Netcong, NJ
Reno, NV
Elyria, OH
Lime Ridge, PA
Salt Lake City, UT
Cheyenne, WY

We always love going through Walcott, IA because the Iowa 80 is there. It's a huge truckstop, with a gift shop, accessories and more chrome than a man could want.

Lucky Sevens

Eddie got lucky in Nevada with three sevens on his slot machine. Just in time for seven, seven, oh seven.

I Didn't Make It, But I Ate It

What a colorful, tasty dish! Called, "Grilled Chicken Tuscan Style," it was made with a sauce of sauteed garlic, mushrooms, artichoke hearts, squash & sun dried tomatoes. Accompanied by mashed potatoes, it was comfort food at its best!

Just A Train And A Tree

There is literally NOTHING out here on the Bonneville Salt Flats to photograph, but I managed to catch this lonely train trudging its way across the Utah desert. And of course, there is also the Salt Flats Metaphor Tree which I've written about in the past.

Miss Independent

I just bought Kelly Clarkson's new CD, My December, and this is my new favorite song:


What an amazing talent. Her voice astounds me. The rest of the CD is growing on me after listening to it a few times and I'm thrilled she fights for what she wants, as it turned out very well.

Fight for freedom; in all areas of life.

My New Motto

This photo was taken by my cousin Ro, at a fabulous little hideaway called Rice To Riches; a rice pudding restaurant in Nolita, the neighborhood north of Little Italy, in New York City.

They have an incredible array of flavors to choose from with catchy names like Take Me To Tiramisu, Sex Drugs And Rocky Road and even one that offers a humorous nod to the head of the Vatican, the one person that most Little Italy inhabitants hold in high regard, by naming a flavor Pope Pina Colada II.

Back in 2005, its owner, Peter Moceo Jr. and nineteen other men, including his father, had been arrested on charges of using the restaurant to run $22-million-dollar-a-year gambling ring in the New York area.

That's a lot of papal rice!

Provocative

I am currently reading a book in which one of the lead characters tells a story to his dinner companion about how his mother thought everything he did was wonderful, even saying "You are such a fantastic parker" when he maneuvered his car into a relatively easy parking spot. His dinner companion responded with, "She loves you, that's all. And they say a boy can never be loved too much by his mother. It's empowering,"

He explained to her that he did therapy for a few months after his dad died and the therapist told him, "If you feel you are being loved for something that you know to be unjustified or false, in other words, if you know you are actually not the superhero the other person thinks you are, then it doesn't count. That kind of love doesn't empower you, it just makes you feel like an impostor."

Hmmm. Interesting.

Spinning In The Night

Parking lot fair somewhere in Colorado.

I've Been Everywhere, Man

Just like Johnny Cash sang in his song, I'm beginning to feel as if I've been everywhere too. I still have a lot of territory to cover, but having been to every state now and seven Canadian provinces, I'm making tracks.

I'm going to start a list naming ten towns I've been to in the past week. I'll post a new list every Sunday. If I feel ambitious, I might even create a link for each town; I haven't decided on that one yet. The towns will be in no particular order, no rhyme or reason and it won't mean that we even stopped there for anything - but they will be towns we actually drove through to get where we had to go.

Enjoy traveling with us!!

This week, we've covered:

Russellville, AR
Flagstaff, AZ
Milpitas, CA
Bloomsbury, NJ
Santa Rosa, NM
Checotah, OK
Nashville, TN
Groom, TX
Bristol, VA
Falling Waters, WV

Reach For The Sky

The Only Way It Could Have Been Better Would Be If It Came With A Side Of Fried Rice

The other day Ed asked me what I would do once I had all my bills paid off and was making a lot of money. He wanted to know how I'd spend my time.

I said, "I'd go hang out at Vicki's house."

"That's what you'd do? Hang out with Vicki??" he said in disbelief.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I can't believe that if you had no bills and money to spend, that the only thing you could think of would be to go hang out with Vicki."

"Well, I don't know. I like doing that. I suppose if I gave it more thought, I could come up with something else."

And then we went for foot massages.

Thirty minutes of massage; fifteen on each foot. Do you know how long fifteen minutes is when someone is massaging your foot?? It was like I took the extended tour of Heaven, the one with the "behind the scenes" special tour thrown in for free.

But they didn't call it the Tour of Heaven at this place; they called it Reflexology, which is what it really is. And Chinese people did it; real Chinese people. From China.

So now I have one thing on my list of things to do when I have loads of time and equal loads of money; I'm going to have people massage me. I don't care what they call it.

What Road?

Bigfoot

I wear a size eleven shoe; sometimes even a twelve.

Whenver someone asks what size shoe I wear, I always say "An eleven or a twelve; it depends on the shoe." And to that, I get one of two responses:

"Twelve???"

or

"Really?? Your foot doesn't look that big."

I don't know what they're expecting; some ridiculously long clown shoe sticking out of the bottom of my pants? Or maybe something ala Minnie Mouse, where my stick-like leg is swimming in a shoe the size of an inflatable raft.

Sorry to disappoint them, but my foot is in proportion to the rest of my body; I'm not some five foot tall, hundred and fourteen pound Nicole Richiesque chick sporting a foot the size of Shaq's.

But because of my enormous feet, I've always had trouble finding shoes, and when I was younger, my brother would compound my despair by telling me I should just wear the boxes and throw away the shoes. I might as well have done that, since everything in my size looked as if it were made for the orthopaedic prom anyway; ugly and at least thirty years past its stylish heyday.

So in my teens, when we couldn't find anything appropriate for my age in our town, we'd make a pilgrimage to Globe Shoes in Paramus, New Jersey. It was such a big deal, that we made it a family affair - I'd go for my big foot and my grandmother would tag along to pick up a little something for herself in triple wide. After we completed our shoe shopping, we'd hit the malls (no sales tax in New Jersey!) and do lunch.

These days it's not so hard for me to find shoes, especially since my daily shoe wear consists primarily of flip-flops and sneakers. When I used to work in a dressier environment, Nordstrom's half-yearly sale is where I'd stock up on most of my heels, slingbacks and dressy sandals; you know, the good stuff. But for all other occassions, I've found Payless to have the best selection of cheap, trendy shoes in my size.

I'm now happy to be able to cover my monster feet with appropriately stylish footwear, but I still feel bad for the girls who have to give me a pedicure. They work so much harder and longer on me than on the average customer, and if they were smart, they'd try to get more money from people like me.

Perhaps they should charge by the foot.

Diver Down

Photo taken at the Woods Hole Oceanagraphic Institute in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

Now You Don't Have To Go To The Ghetto To Get Crack

It's available at McDonald's. In the form of iced coffee.

Visit your neighborhood dealer today and then come back here and let me know when we should start the support group.

The first step is to admit you are powerless over coffee and that your life has become unmanageable.

Hi, my name is Salena and I'm an iced coffee addict.

Alright, Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready For My Close-Up

Today I got my makeup done at the M.A.C. counter somewhere in the Los Angeles vicinity. I left there feeling like a movie star.

I was wearing falsies.

Lashes, that is.

Which, if you know anything about anything, is the true secret to all eyes that are dazzlingly Hollywood. Don't believe the hype of any of those mascara ads. They lie. It has nothing to do with the mascara and everything to do with the lashes.

Back in my mother's day, they were as much a part of getting dressed as putting on undergarments. Eyes were naked without them. Years ago, I had wanted to wear them on a daily basis, but no one I knew did. In fact, I don't know anyone now who wears them either. All of my friends, with the exception of Miss Lynn, view makeup so apathetically, that it almost makes me want to cry. For them, that is.

So I believe being false is the new truth; for me, anyway. Fabulously fringed peepers are going to be my reality; a wardrobe staple. They are like the Wonder Bra for eyes, and I will bet this week's paycheck that I'm the only trucker out here wearing them.

Let people snicker, if they dare. I plan to change the face of the trucking industry one coy glance at a time; batting those babies until they feel the breeze.

We Need A Manager On Register Three Please!

On days when Ed and I are trying to eat better, we often do McDonald's because I like their new Southwest Chicken Salad, because really, what other reason would there be for going to McDonald's when you're trying to diet?

Yesterday, Ed got our lunch and brought it back out to the truck. We started eating when I commented on something I noticed he'd been doing lately; getting a salad instead of fries.

"Oh, you got a salad."

"Yeah," he said. "and everytime I ask for a side salad instead of fries, the cashier is like 'a salad? You mean instead of fries??' and then they have to call over a manager to see if it's okay."

Is that what they teach their staff at Hamburger University; to consult with a manager before making those big decisions?

Lure Me In

Photo taken in Woods Hole, MA.

Cozy Dining

Last night at dinner, we saw a couple at the next table who were both sitting on the same side of the table.

What is that??

I have never been that enamored of any guy I was dating to sit on the same side of the table with him so he could crowd me while I eat.

There will be plenty of time for snuggling later on; but bumping my elbow every time I lift my fork is not the best way to make it happen.

New York Style

Plus People Are Here To Stay

This week we stopped in Nashville to have lunch with Vicki and her kids. While at the table, inhaling pizza from the newest place in town (that claimed to have NY style pizza and actually did, in Nashville, if you can believe that!) we were talking about dieting; big surprise.

I was relaying how lately I just can't wrap my head around the whole "eating better" thing, and that this week I was feeling totally fat. Vicki joked about not using the "F" word in front of the kids, as Mina, Vicki's daughter, was hanging on our every word, as she usually does. Also as usual, she was mesmerized by everything about me. She always sits so close to me, we touch from her shoulders to her knees and she gazes up at me, taking everything in; my eyelashes, my hairstyle, my earrings, my sunglasses, my lipgloss, my jewelry, my purse, my nail polish; anything and everything that at some point, we know she is going to emulate. At six years old, she is truly my biggest fan.

At the utterance of the word "fat," Vicki took the opportunity to quiz Mina on her manners and what she's been taught over the years. "Now what is it that we call someone who might be a little larger than the average person?"

Mina blinked and looked back, searching for the word because she knows she's not supposed to say the "F" word when decribing a person of size.

"You know what it is, Mina. What is it that we say a person is when they are heavier?"

Mina's eyes were huge, looking intently at me and Vicki, trying to rack her brain for the word she's supposed to remember.

Vicki helped her along by saying, "Pluhhhhh"

"Pluhhhhh," Mina repeated.

"Pluhhhhssss...." said Vicki, trying to clue her in to the word.

"Plus Person!" Mina shouts out enthusiastically, thrilled that she remembered.

"Well, plus sized," Vicki corrected. "If a lady is a little bigger, we call her plus sized."

"Right. Plus SIZED." Mina enunciated, proud of herself.

The next day Vicki called me to say that they were out shopping and Mina came up to her and said in a voice of amazemet, "You know what Mommy? You were right."

"Right about what, baby?" Vicki said.

"There are plus men too."

That's right, Mina Bean. We're everywhere.

Ready For Nautical Knots

Photo taken on a dock in Woods Hole, MA while we were waiting to pick up a mini-submarine from the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution; a place that is teeming with a bunch of very nice, very smart people.

Can You Hear Me Stereotyping Now?

I was on the phone last night with my mother when I went through an area with a weak cell phone signal. She was cutting in and out, so when I finally heard her voice come through strong again, I told her I had to call her back.

I dialed her number a few minutes later and when she answered, I explained the reason I had to get off the phone was because we were in a bad area.

"A bad area?"

"Yeah. I had to hang up; it was a bad area."

"Ohhhh. You're in a black neighborhood?" she asked.

"No, ma, we aren't in a "black" neighborhood. We're in Texas."

"Oh, so it was a Mexican area?"

"MOM." I said emphatically, to get her attention. "It wasn't a bad neighborhood," I explained, "We were in a bad area for the cell phone. I didn't have a signal. I couldn't hear you."

"Oh." Then silence.

All of a sudden my reception was so good, I could have heard a pin drop.

A Weekend At The End Of The Rainbow

Photo courtesy of my brother and his camera phone. This was actually a double rainbow, with both ends visible, but he couldn't get it all in the shot.

It's a phone, people. A phone with a camera. Sheesh. Let's try not to expect so much all the time.

Chase the rainbow.

Ahhhhhntipasto

Another great shot by my best friend Vicki; this time of a fabulous summer antipasto. Those cookbooks are going to be flying off the shelves, girl!!

Having Influence Where It Matters

My mother had all three of my nephews (her grandsons) at the house this week, working on gifts for Father's Day. She called to tell me about the following conversation she had with the middle one (who is 6 years old) about his report card grades.

...and I got an A+ in art! he told her.

My mother said she showed enthusiastic interest, asking Oh really, and why is that??

He said, I told my teacher that the reason I do so good in art is because of my Nana's "art room".

"Isn't that great?" she said to me, proud that her interest in art has been passed on to her grandchildren.

"Yeah, it is," I replied. "It's a good thing Nana doesn't have a pot smoking room."

Gilding The Shopping Lily

What is 5.3 million square feet, the equivalent of 115 football fields, with over 325,000 light fixtures, 58 entrances, parking for over 20,000 vehicles and cost over a billion dollars to build?

The West Edmonton Mall in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, that's what! Touted as "the world's largest shopping and entertainment center" boasting over 800 stores and 100 dining establishments, it became the one thing for us to do once we hit Edmonton. I knew I had to go; if for no other reason but to make my cousin Ro jealous since she is the consummate shopper. I left her a voicemail message as a kind of "verbal postcard" to tell her exactly where I was and how I wished she were there. Jab. Jab.

It was an overall great experience; we shopped, dined and watched a movie, but the thing that perplexed us the most, was the display of Christmas decorations. In June. We figured either the mall is so big they had to put them up six months in advance, or it's so big that they are still taking them down.

There is just something wrong with either scenario.

A Prayer For Alberta

There is a large Ukrainian population in the area northeast of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. This is a drive by depiction of one of the many domed churches of the Eastern Orthodox religions that can be found there.

Summer Lovin'

This picture, of these GORGEOUS berries, drizzled with sweet balsamic vinegar, was taken by my best friend Vicki. Not only should she get accolades for taking the picture, but she should also be required to whip up a batch for me when I get to town. Don't you agree?

They Called My Name And Clutched The Collar Of My Shirt With Their Evil Cheese Stuffed Fingers

In addition to the countless construction workers out there who pop into convenience stores across the nation to buy their 2 for $2 hot dog lunches, there are also thousands of truck drivers who consume these meat packed skins every day; some of which are stuffed with tasty little bits like jalapenos and cheese.

They roll for hours over heated steel rods, cooked to perfection if you get them at the right time; if not, what you'll see are shriveled tubes of processed pork waste that look like the waterlogged finger of a corpse just dredged up from a remote Appalachian lake.

I am almost forty years old. In those forty years, I have never eaten a hot dog cooked on a roller. Never. But this week, in the wee hours of the morning, after driving for eight hours straight, I fell pray to my hunger and the rolling tube steak. I forked over two dollars to the automaton behind the counter and walked off with my cylindrical sodium packed meal.

Thank God my father isn't alive; after spending the better part of the last sixteen years of his life hawking Sabrett hot dogs, the famous ones, the ones that every New Yorker knows about from the time of birth, he would want to know, how could I? After years of perfecting the secret "water" he cooked his dogs in, while concocting homemade relishes, spreadable hot peppers and his famous three dog hero sandwich, I know the disappointment in his eyes would be more than I could handle.

Going into a convenience store and eating a hot dog, one that has been there for God only knows how long, made me feel like an addict who slipped off the wagon. I was propelled by a force I couldn't control. A voice, if you will. An "eat those dogs or someone will harm your family" kind of voice. And I did it. I caved. It was worse than the feeling one gets when they cheat on their diet. I don't know how it happened. But what I do know, is that it will be another forty years before I eat one of these again.

I just can't handle the guilt.

Eddie Ooh Rah Friday

This is a picture of my Eddie five years ago, taken from his ID card when he was a military reserve member.

Polishing My Listening Skills

I've been told on more than one occassion, that I don't listen. Oh, pashaw!

I actually think I'm a good listener. I interrupt a lot, which many people think means I'm not listening, but really I'm just gathering more information as the conversation goes along and because I'm a goldfish, if I don't ask a question as it occurs to me, I will forget to do so at the end of their schpiel.

The last few nights as I drive, I've been listening to a book on CD. Well, I guess I should say, I've been thinking about my life, my job, my newest project, my relationship, my family, the squirrel that just ran in front of the truck, the guy reading the paper while he's driving (yes, that is true) and the beautiful moon that is casting a silvery glow upon the highway while the lady on the CD reads the story. She has a beautiful, lilting voice that provides the perfect background for my thoughts. Too bad I'm not hearing a word she says.

The thing is, my mind wanders; I can't focus on the story. And because of that, I have no fucking idea what it's about. Not only can I not listen to a woman read the story I paid money to hear, but because I wasn't paying attention, I will now have to spend even more money to go out and buy the book the damn book and read it myself anyway.

So much for my great listening skills.

How To Get Blown Three Times In Four Days

Here is the first of our three blown tires this week. The first one happened while Eddie was driving, the other two when I was behind the wheel.

I have always wondered what it would be like to blow a tire, since it has never happened to me. After hearing so many horror stories from people it had happened to, I was always very happy to have not had that experience; who would have thought my first time would be while I was driving an 18-wheeler?

Maybe that's a good thing though, being in the truck when it happened. After all, if you blow one tire, you still have seventeen more to keep you going. Overall, the experience wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be, the real hassle came with the time it took to get it fixed.

I think this whole tire thing gave Eddie some ideas; all of a sudden he wants me to call him Bridgestone.

Venomous

(Sorry for the crappy picture - I was not the photographer on this one.)

Over ten years Eddie has been on the road and he's never had anyone vandalize his truck; but one night in New York (in a really nice part of Westchester County, no less) and he gets tagged.

They were obviously wanna be hoodlums since they used a magic marker for their graffiti; I should thank them for that though, as it was easily removed.

Crazy. Yinty. Cool.

Today my best friend celebrates another year of her life. She's a couple of years older than me, but acts decades younger, so I feel like I regress every time I talk to her. This picture was taken about two years ago, but it SO personifies her personality! Happy Birthday, Yinty.

GoBrainiac.com

(You will have to click on this picture to make it big enough to read)

Let's go over that last line one more time:

"If you are sight impaired and would like help using this page please call (480) 505-8877"

If a person were sight impaired, Bob, so much so that they couldn't enter the code in your little box, do you really think this last line is going to really help them?

I can't believe no one at this guy's company approach him with, "Uh, Bob...about that sight impaired thing..."

Worth Every Penny

We spent last weekend in New York, with my cousin and her boyfriend. On Sunday night, we drove around for a bit trying to find a place to eat; since none of us were really in the mood for anything in particular, we had no direction.

After doing a bit of shopping in Mt. Kisco, they suggested a nearby place called Lexington Square Cafe, finishing their sentence in unison by saying, "but it's expensive." Ed and I looked at each other, shrugged and said, "So? Let's go," as no price is too high to pay for good food as far as we're concerned. Of course, if my step-father finds out we paid $27.00 for pasta, he's sure to go straight into full blown cardiac arrest; even if did tell him it had lobster in it.
I can't decide on the best part of the meal though - appetizer, entree or desert; although with desert, we had a sampler plate. OMG, what a great idea! I wish I could have done that with all the wonderful entree selections they had, but alas, we all chose only one. Here's our damage:Unbeknownst to me, Eddie decided to foot the entire bill, adding a generous tip as he's been trained to do under my tutelage (since I have waited on many tables in my life and it's my turn to give a little back to the service industry.) My cousin and her boyfriend are so good to us every time we're at their house, and there really is no way to ever re-pay their generosity, but good food is a good start in my book!
Where are we going next, is what I want to know?!

Eddie Warhol Friday