Companionship Is Just A Phone Call Away. Beauty Is Another Story

If you have ever been to Las Vegas, you are familiar with these cards. If not, I will tell you one thing: You can get them EVERYWHERE. The streets are lined with hispanic workers handing out these cards while wearing t-shirts that say "Direct To You In 20 Minutes." To get your attention, they slap the cards loudly against their hands just before shoving two or three of them into yours.

Plenty of people must call these places, otherwise they wouldn't be able to hire the calling card pushers, but I have wondered who will show up for $35. Do you really get girls that look like the ones on the cards or are they all mysteriously "booked" when you call? I can hear the conversation now.

"Good Evening, Girls Direct To You."

"Uh yes, I would like to book Jess for this evening."

"Jess is already out on a call."

"Oh, okay. Well then how about Gigi?"

"Oh, sorry....Gigi called in sick."

"Hmmm, sick huh? Well how about Jessica? I understand she's full service."

"Geez, wow. Wish I could help you, but Jessica quit a month ago. We haven't had a chance to print up new cards. But I tell you what, we can send you Agatha for the same price."

"Agatha? I didn't see her card."

"Oh, yeah, uh, well Agatha is a new girl and uh, I can knock the price down to $45 if you want. You can't get a better deal than that and we can have her at your room in 20 minutes."

"Uh, thanks, but I think I'll pass on Agatha. Maybe next time."

And you know that guy is thinking, Whada they think, I'm friggin' stupid? Agatha. Pffft. Who'd freakin' buy a girl named AGATHA?? I do have standards, you know.