Sunday, March 09, 2008

I Wasn't Even Fishing, But I Certainly Got A Great Catch

Women who fish annoy me. And when annoyed by these trawlers, I am typically inclined to deliberately avoid saying anything at all in response to the "hook" that is thrown out.

I used to work with someone who fished for sympathy. She'd come in to work and let out a huge sigh. HUGE, like the weight of the world rested on her petite little shoulders. Me and my linebacker shoulders would continue whatever it was I was doing, ignoring her. Sometimes
I'd hear a tiny groan and witness a rubbing of the ankle, or stomach, or arm or whatever it was I was supposed to ask about that day. I never did. It might have been a yawn, a sigh, a forced cough or slight sneeze, all in hopes of getting a sympathetic ear to invade. That ear wasn't going to be mine.

Everyone knows someone who fishes; usually, it's a woman and she's looking for a compliment. It's never subtle, although the one uttering the words may think it is. Words rolling off their tongue, intending to sound casual and off the cuff. But uttering, "Ugh, these pants make me look so fat." can only mean one thing; they are looking for a particular response, and the only suitable one is something to the effect of, "No they don't! You look great. Seriously."

And what's with having to constantly be told that you don't look fat? If you can stand to lose a few pounds or sixty, you definitely know it, you don't have to ask. Look, I've been a big girl all my life. ALL of it. But I believe any family member, friend or boyfriend who knows me through and through, can honestly say I've never asked the question, "Do I look fat in this?"

Yet, I hear skinny girls asking this question all the time, as if they have to worry about any extra padding. Sometimes it's kinda fun to say, "Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but since you've brought it up, I don't think those camouflage cargo pants are really hiding anything." If you can keep a straight face after you say it, watching them squirm a bit is sort of delicious. And if you feel bad, you can always recant.

This weekend though, I was prancing around our hotel room in my new (and amazingly bargain priced) fuschia velour sweatpants and black, stretchy, spaghetti strapped tank. I was twirling in the mirror, checking myself out and grabbing at various fat rolls, squishing them into areas where I thought they may be a bit less noticeable.


Ed saw me and asked what I was doing. I explained that I was checking out my fat. He laughed, walked over, scooped me up in a big embrace and said, "Well, I wouldn't worry if I were you. Some women have fat in all the right places."

I do believe I got a great catch. No fishing involved.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I want an Ed!!!!

Grace

bleeding espresso said...

Oh I hate those sighers. I never give in either.

And yes, that is one great catch...and no worms needed either! Woohoo!

Heather said...

How awesome is that! What a great guy! So question - I'm not quite through a year of reading ALL of your blog posts (from each year you've posted) but have you written about how you and Ed met? How did a gal like you, from the east coast, end up meeting Ed, driving truck and living in AZ? I think that would make some great reading!

The Daily Rant said...

HEATHER:
I expect you to read EVERYTHING I've ever written. LOL

As for how I met Ed...

Well, I am from the East Coast (New York born and bred), but I was the one who lived in AZ (my parents moved there for three of my high school years, and then it was off and on living there). Ed is from Texas.

And whoda thunk a New Yorker would wind up with a Texan? Yes, it's still a battle ground when it comes to which state is the best (NY, of course!).

But, we met in an online dating site. I emailed him because I thought something in his profile was profound, and although his picture was cute, I never thought he'd be interested since he was 8 years younger than me at the time. Well, he wrote back and we started talking from there - via emai land phone. That was July 2004.

He finally came through my town for a date - two nights in a row, actually - and it was history from there. That summer he met my entire family at a family wedding (an Italian family. ALL of them!) . Did I mention how brave he is? LOL

That November, I went on the road with him and we've been together ever since! This summer will be ten years.

You know, I might just have to write about this to celebrate the ten years with him. Thanks for the idea!