Sunday, February 20, 2011

Maybe You Left It On Mars

Last month, the handle on our toilet broke. We had been improvising for quite some time with a contraption Ed rigged to make it useable, because we had to wait for the part to come in. Well, the part finally came in and we picked it up last time we were home. Once in the truck, the part sat on our kitchen counter for at least a week. I finally told Ed he needed to get it off my counter and put it in the side box. I'm guessing he did it, because I never saw it again.

That was weeks ago. Yesterday, the makeshift handle, forgive the pun, crapped out. I had to grab the handle with a vice grip to turn it just so it would flush. It was time to break out the backup parts and fix it.

I told Ed, and he said, "Well, where's the part?" I told him it was in the side box. I didn't see him for the next twenty minutes. When he did come back in, he said, "It's not out there. It must be in the truck." Heeere we go.

I said, "It's not in the truck, it's in the side box."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is." I said.

"I already looked there. Twice. I went through everything." he said.

"You went through everything? EVERY bin? Every bag?"

"Yes." he said.

"Well then you missed it." I said. "I know it's out there. I will bet you a thousand dollars that it's in that side box."

"I already looked. I told you. TWICE. I know it isn't there. It's gotta be in here. I just know it's in here." he said.

"Ed. I know it's not in here. I KNOW that, because when you left it on the counter, I said, 'You need to put this in the side box.', to which you said, "OK."

Now that doesn't mean anything to me, of course, because I tell Ed to do shit all the time that doesn't get done, but when it disappeared from my kitchen counter, and didn't wind up anywhere in my kitchen drawers or cabinets, I suspected it made its way to the side box.

By this time it was pitch black outside. I said, "Look, let's just take the clamp light, take everything out of the side box and look again. I'll help you. I know how you look for things, and not to be a bitch or anything, but you've likely overlooked it. That happens a lot."

He said, "Let's look in here one more time."

So we looked through all the cabinets, drawers, nooks and crannies in the truck; in places I KNEW it wasn't and places I KNEW it could never be (my makeup bag? Helloooo, I use that bag every DAY, I think I would have noticed if the toilet handle was in it).

When he was done, I said "Ready?" and we went outside.

Light on. Side box doors open. Me crouching down in a semi-uncomfortable position to pull everything out of the aluminum storage boxes. I took four plastic bags out, one by one I look, I find nothing. I pulled the first bin out...electrical wire, extra flip-flops, a roll of duct tape...nope, not in there. I pulled the second bin bags...looking....and THERE it is.

From my crouched position, I looked up at Ed with raised eyebrows. He sheepishly smiles, lets out a nervous laugh and kisses me. "Thanks, Baby."

I said, "I'm going to gloat because well, I can. And you said you looked through everything? Twice?"

"I guess I didn't see it."

"But it's in a CLEAR plastic bag." I said.

More nervous laughter. "Yeah, I know." he said.

"OK, well, we found it," I said. "But I'm not putting any of this away. See you inside."

And off I went, less than five minutes later, to make dinner.

So I need to know two things. One, why don't you ever believe us when we tell you where something is? Like your socks, the checkbook, your hammer, or the shirt you need for that big meeting? And two, why are you unable to find things that a) you put away and b) that are right in front of you?? Is that the way they do things on Mars?

Or are you really all just conspiring to drive us crazy, one annoying "It's on the top shelf of the fridge, look again" at a time?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Art Of A French Cooking Friend
Eddie Supervises Friday
Squeaky Clean
Rushing No More
My Constant Gardner


Gil said...

It is a man thing taught to us by our mothers!!!

Fandango Travelers said...

Right there with ya Sista.
Actually, Tony does have a name for this phenomenon - the Uterine Tracking Device - or UTD as it is known in our truck. Sometimes he just forgets it exists and swears things have been stolen.

all things bradbury said...

omg....i cannot even begin to count the number of times we have lived this exact scenerio!!!....sometimes the item in question is even lying right in front of him!!!.....
jana....uterine tracking device???...i love it....i think i will have to steal

Ms. Crawford said...

This entire thing cracks me up. Now that I have met you guys i can totally picture the whole thing, esp. Ed and his nervous laugh! Lol Kendall got a complete kick out of it too!

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