Saturday, July 30, 2005

Look, Mary!

My mother is somewhat of an armchair traveler. Not really one for adventure or straying far from home and is basically, a bit of a scaredy cat. Just having a doctor's appointment on the other side of town can paralyze her for at least ten minutes.

One time, in a parking lot in New York, she got extremely flustered because my brother and I were giving her conflicting directions at the very moment she was pulling out into traffic. Doing that resulted in me losing part of my front tooth after she backhanded me in the mouth, clipping me with one of her monstrous rings. I never called dibs on the front seat again.

Although she has never really been one to explore or go places in person, she has become quite well traveled through television and movies. Many times, she took along her mother, my Nanny, as a traveling companion. When Nanny lived with my mother they would often watch movies together and my grandmother would always comment on how she felt as if she were there, in the place they were seeing on the screen. This resulted in the often heard, "Look, Mary! We're in Fiji." or "Look, Mary! We're in Chicago." They both were very amused at all of the places they traveled without ever having to leave the couch and were very proud of the catch phrase they coined. This post is in memory of Nanny.

Look, Mary! We're in Wyoming.

This is Tree Rock, located along the Lincoln Highway, which is now known as Interstate 80, between Cheyenne, WY and Laramie, WY. The tree is a somewhat stunted and twisted limber pine and although the age of the tree is unknown, limber pines can live as long as 2,000 years. The tree grows out of a crack in a boulder of Precambrian era pink Sherman granite formed more than 1-4 billion years ago.

Look, Mary! We're in Nebraska.

I didn't take that photo, I scanned it from a postcard, but these are two new states for me and I know my grandmother would have loved both of them. In Nebraska, there are miles and miles of corn. I have never seen so many cornfields in my life. Corn, cattle and grain silos. Wyoming has miles of open range dotted with cattle and horses and sky as far as the eye can see. My grandmother liked that, being able to see for miles, which is why I know she's always watching me from the many miles away that she is.

And everytime I see a new place, I automatically say to myself, "Look, Mary!"

Friday, July 29, 2005

A Cow's Opinion

One of my favorite Friends episode has this exchange taking place between Joey and Rachel:

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, "does he like you?" All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.

Rachel: Huh. A moo point?

Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.

Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Life Is A Salt Shaker

I can talk about anything and I usually comment on everything. Anyone who knows me will attest to this.

For instance, my friend Vicki and I can talk about toothpaste or milk for obscene amounts of time. Do you like gel or paste? What about the one with the stripes in it? I don’t like Crest, but I like the baking soda one. I buy the kids the bubble gum flavor. OR Do you like 1% or 2% milk? Well, I like 1% in my cereal, but 2% in my coffee. I give the kids whole milk, but I can only drink whole milk if there is chocolate in it. This can literally go on for hours. And has.

But, because I’m with Eddie most of the time and not Vicki, he’s the one who gets to hear me talk about all this stuff. The thing about that is, nothing excites him all that much. Nothing at all. Here are some examples:

I took Ed to visit the house I grew up in as a child. I was excited to show him, pointing out all the places my brother and I played, where we built our tree house, where we carved our names in the trees and where I wiped out ice skating and cut my lip. He said, “Oh nice.” When I said to him, “Oh nice? That’s all you have to say??” He said, “Well, it’s just a house.”

Another time, I was pointing out something that we had passed by in our travels that I thought was really cool. Again, his response was, “Yeah, that’s nice, I guess.”

Today, I was talking to him about my nephews and how Jake, who is 2, is learning how to speak more clearly. I understood everything he said on the phone today and I am amazed at how different he sounds each time I talk to him. He said my name clearly and even said “Eddieeee driving. Truck. Truck!”. I was telling Ed about how this warms my heart. His response? “Well, all kids start talking better as they get older. It happens to everyone. People grow up.”

All of this culminated with a conversation Ed and I had over dinner one night, where I asked him why nothing excites him and why everything is so uninteresting to him. He proceeded to pick up the salt shaker, plunk it in the middle of the table and say, “See that? It’s a salt shaker. It’s always going to be a salt shaker, no matter how many times I look at it.”

So, if you’ve already seen it, done it, been there, photographed it or thought’s a salt shaker.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


1. Are 6 packets of Splenda in a large iced latte from Dunkin' Donuts too much??

2. Why is the center of some things the best part? A cinnamon roll, watermelon, Hostess cupcakes, an Oreo...

3. Why do people with the fastest metabolisms eat NOTHING?

4. Why does the swelling of my foot look like I have elephantiasis? (Relax, Mom. This is not my foot, so don't e-mail me telling me to get to the ER immediately.)

Monday, July 25, 2005

The Cool Mom

I'd have to ask the guys to weigh in on this one, but is your Mom the "cool" one only when she starts having sex with your friends?

And how unpopular were you in high school that you have to start making up for it when you're 40?? What the hell was she thinking??

Sunday, July 24, 2005

A Queen's Life

This afternoon, my father called me and this is how the conversation went:

Daddy: Where are you and what are you doing?
Me: I'm riding mopeds on Martha's Vineyard.
Daddy: You're riding mopeds on Martha's Vineyard??
Me: Yeah, and it's SO much fun!
Daddy: Boy, you really live the life of a Queen.

Well, it seems only right, that after years of my father calling me his Princess, that I should at some point graduate to Queen, right? I never really thought of my life that way, but yes, I guess I do have it pretty good. Although, don't Queens have minions?? I want minions.

Today I realized, more than ever before, how fortunate I am to have the boyfriend I do and to be exploring the country with him like we are, because today we spent the day on Martha's Vineyard. I think I can die now, because I've seen "The Vin-yahd" and it is one of the most spectacular places I've ever visited.

To get to the island, we took the Ferry from Wood's Hole. It's a 45 minute ride with a lot to see along the way - seagulls, sailboats, and even one VERY red-headed ferry passenger.

When we arrived at the dock on Martha's Vineyard, we were greeted by this man. His "Die Yuppie Scum" t-shirt made us feel very welcome and VERY glad that we were not yuppies. We wondered, Is this the sentiment of the whole island? More likely, it was just the sentiment of this particular man; probably a year round resident who dislikes "his" island being over-run by yuppie scum.

When I captured this gem of a photo I was given a tongue lashing by the captain because apparently, I wasn't supposed to be using a flash at night at the front of the ship. I guess approaching vessels might have thought I was sending out some morse code message with my camera. Ummm, perhaps the sign should have said No Flash Photos. When we got to Vineyard Haven, we rented mopeds for the day and drove around the island. We explored Vineyard Haven, Oak Bluffs and Edgartown. I have never seen so many middle fingers, heard so many horns honking or had so many obscenities hurled at me outside of New York City as I did while driving this thing. I chose to use the "Eddie Method" of responding, which is just to smile and wave. I actually think I confused a few of them. Obscenities aside, this mode of transportation allowed us to take in the sights up close and smell the sea air and flowers along the way. We saw the most gorgeous houses, scenery, shops and flowers. Oh, the hydrangea!! ALL over the place. The weather was perfect, the sky was blue and the water was amazing.

When in Edgartown, we also saw some fabulous yachts docked just beyond the lighthouse. I think next time, I might have to stow away on one of these. What a way to sail the seas. Here is a picture of the Edgartown Lighthouse up close and one of Eddie and I standing in front of it:

We sadly left the island at 9:30 pm on the last ferry out, heading back to Falmouth for the night. We contemplated staying at the youth hostel on the island, just so we didn't have to go back. We really didn't want to leave. Eddie left his cell phone on the ferry, so we have to meet the boat in the morning to get it back. I think he did it on purpose...sort of like when you leave your panties at a guy's house to make sure he'll call you the next day and you have to go over to his house again to pick them up. Oh, c'mon girls. You've done that, right??

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Caped Crusaders

Well, Cape Cod crusaders!! Today, Ed and I spent the day on Cape Cod. We went to the beach, had lunch, drove around sightseeing, went shopping, went to dinner, walked around little seaside towns, shopped some more and then finally hit the hay! We are both a little red from the sun and tired from all the activity. Here are some pictures from the day:

Eddie and I:

Seashells and Sand:


Not Me: Although, I am thinking about pasting my head on her body.

Tomorrow we are off to Martha's Vineyard. I think I'll visit the Black Dog (where Bill bought Monica gifts), have lunch at some famous little eatery and maybe check out the bridge at Chappaquiddick. Hey Ted!

Friday, July 22, 2005


These are the five things that have annoyed me today.

1. Not knowing how to get anywhere. I asked a girl in the mall today (a person who worked there) if she knew how to get to the nearest WalMart. She didn't. Even if she doesn't SHOP there, when a WalMart is within 10 minutes of where you are standing, you should KNOW how to get there. It's not just the WalMart thing...we often ask directions of locals on how to get places, because they are locals and 99% of the time, they don't know a f**cking thing. It's SO annoying.

2. Pee on the seat. What IS IT with people who leave pee on the seat in the restroom?? I can understand if you don't want to sit on the seat, and maybe you are one who hovers over it as you pee, but when you are done and see that you sprinkled a bit on the seat, WIPE IT UP! I don't care if you have to wrap 17 yards of toilet paper around your hand to not touch your own pee, but wipe it off the seat. And you cannot tell me that when you turn to flush with your foot (which we ALL do), that you don't give a second look to the seat. Next time, LOOK, then WIPE IT UP.

3. Not wearing a bra when you REALLY need to. I was people watching in the mall today and I was floored at how people go out of the house in clothes that I wouldn't CLEAN the house in. I saw several women dressed like slobs, but one in particular caught my eye. She had a drab, stained gray t-shirt on and was not wearing a bra. Unless you have perky, 20 year old tits, you need to wear a bra. If your nipples point to your feet, or your breasts look like two fat flounders under your shirt, you need to put them in a bra. End of story.

4. Long, curly, crunchy, "wet look" hair. Didn't that go out in the 80's? That "long, Puerto Rican/Mexican, crunchy curls that are created by gelling your wet head and letting it dry" look. It's WAY out, people. OUT. OUT. OUT. Stop perming! Stop scrunching with gel! It's over. Remove yourself from 1984.

5. The Heat. Yes, it's the heat again. This time, in the mall. Malls are supposed to be a retreat from the heat outside, not feel like you're going from the frying pan into the fire. WHY are malls so hot?? And what are these architect/mall developers thinking when they put skylights all over the place? Don't they know that it lets the HOT sun in and it's very hard to cool down a million square feet of mall??? Quite frankly, it's a deterrent. I will not spend time in the mall if it's hot, which translates into lost revenue for the stores. Abolish the HOT public shopping spaces!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Good For Licking

Eddie and I had our first date one year ago today. It was one of the best dates of my life. We went to Outback for dinner and all I could think about was how cute he was and how much I wanted to kiss him. But I licked him instead. No, seriously, I didn't. Well, not until later. On the EAR, people. The ear.

What a difference a year makes. I've been on the road with Eddie for over 7 months now and I think living in the small space of the truck is a real testament to our relationship. Even though I still want to kill him 57 times a day, I think we do pretty well for the most part.

We laugh (and argue) often, experience a lot together and get to visit family and friends all the time. I enjoy his company and know that he loves mine. We went out to dinner tonight and in addition to the beautiful sapphire and gold necklace he gave me, I also received a beautiful card that made me cry. Two minutes later, he chided me for trying to rig the computer monitor with a bungee cord.

Oh, the bliss!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Lazy Hazy Crazy Days Of Summer

Ed and my father, lounging in the pool after a long, hot day at work (which is about 6 hours total between the both of them!):

My Daddy....happily waving to the crowd:

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Do You Take Wolfgang Winkelmeyer To Be Your Lawful Wedded Husband?

Here in Massachusetts, gay marriage is legal. Thanks to The Boston Globe, I was able to view the first wedding announcement for a gay couple that I have ever seen. And I wonder...will they be Mrs. and Mrs. Mary and Candice Davis? Darcey? Or Davis-Darcey??

In addition, I don't know which disturbs me more; that Mary Davis married a woman who looks like she's wearing Courtney Love's tiara or that Leopold and Gertraude named their son Wolfgang Winkelmayer.

(click on picture for a larger view)

Monday, July 18, 2005

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

On some, it's sweet. On others, there should be a law.

Low Slung pants are not for everyone. I know it's the latest fad, and I know that I certainly cannot wear them, but there are lots of others out there too, who should just steer clear and leave the hip huggers to the ones who have hips worth hugging.

Here are a few examples of those who can wear low slung pants:

Here are a few examples of some who cannot:

I am not, by ANY means, saying everyone has to have a perfect body. What I AM saying is that you should dress appropriately for your body type, no matter what the latest fad might be.

Then we have people, who for some reason, think it's okay to walk around a public shopping/dining/entertainment area like this:
He must have thought he was at the beach.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

The Perfect Storm

If it were a storm of FUN, that is!!

We began our morning on Cape Anne in the seaside town of Rockport, Massachusetts. What a gorgeous, little picture postcard town this was. This was our first view of the inner harbor where all the shops and homes wrap around. This fishing shack on the Bradley Wharf is apparently one of the most recognizable buildings in the world, to artists and art students.
The inner harbor was beautiful, but so were the sailboats and kayakers that took to the water, paddling out to sea. Since I don't want to be knocked in the head with a freewheeling sail, Ed and I will be back later this summer to take a tandem kayak out on the water. It's a lot easier and there are no sails to keep track of.

There were sailboats and buoys everywhere and everything was extremely colorful. Even the weathered gray houses had pink, purple or turquoise trim and doors.

While walking around the inner harbor, we came across a couple taking turns photographing each other. As we always do, Ed and I offered to take their picture. After a few words of small talk, Ed and I were on our way to Gloucester.
Gloucester is a working waterfront town and the oldest fishing port in America, established in 1623. They have an area called the Maritime Trail that follows the shoreline as you come into town. Along this trail is a statue of a fisherman called The Fisherman's Memorial. It was designed to create a permanent memorial to fishermen lost at sea. Over ten thousand Gloucester fishermen have been lost at sea while earning their living.
Since this is a working town, we thought we'd do what the locals would do and we popped into a tavern for a quick drink. When done, the young guy behind the bar suggested we go to Captain Carlos' Restaurant if we wanted great sea food. He said they usually had a band and told us that sometimes, Whoopi Goldberg tends bar a couple of times a week. It seems that she has a place here and is friends with the owner of the restaurant. So, we were on our way, hoping to see Whoopi, get a good meal and relax to the music.

We arrived at the restaurant, told our wait would be over an hour and settled in until our name was called. About 15 minutes later, we saw the couple we photographed earlier in the day sitting down for dinner. Within minutes, they invited us to join them. I think they were sympathetic to our wait time!! The food was good, the band was great and the company was excellent. Here is a picture of our dinner dates - Lisa and Rob and their beautiful 5 month old daughter, Chloe Isabella. What a nice family!
Our day was just great and I loved every single thing we saw and can't wait to come back up to this area later this summer. There is one more thing I have to say though...
I wonder if the fisherman of Gloucester, perhaps even the ORIGINAL Gorton's Fisherman, are comfortable with the fact that their hardworking town and trade will be forever linked to fish sticks?

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Ahhhhh, Bahston

Ahhhhh, Bahston. Aliens could have landed in Boston Harbor today and would have had NO trouble determining where they were.

Between everyone wearing Boston Red Sox gear to show their support in the game against the Yankees (who, by the way, won the game!!) and people opening their mouths to speak, it would be VERY clear to the aliens that they were in New England.

Everyone here talks funny. Don't even get me stahted on the food available in the restaurants by the hahba. If you take your cah, we could go get some chowda after the pahty.

Even I am stahting to talk like them. I was at the Dunkin’ Donuts last night ordering my Iced Latte when the girl asked me if I wanted a small, medium or lahge. I said, “Lahge." My first thought was that she might think I was making fun of her, but it came out so quick that I just went with it hoping she would think I was a local. There was no incident, so I guess I pulled it off.

This was Ed's first time to Bahston and my second. Now that I think about it, I haven't been here in about 17 years and I'm so glad we came back. We had a great time walking around, talking, taking pictures, etc.

We went to the Hahba (harbor)….

And Quincy Mahket (market)…

Bubble lights in the Mahketplace that I thought were really cool...

We had lunch at the Faneuil Hall Mahketplace, saw a few street performers that were VERY good, people watched, shopped, had dinner at a wonderful little Neopolitano Italian restaurant in the North End and finished off the night with a great canoli from Mike's Pastry on Hanover Street!

Now if I only had seen Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. Guess next time I have to go to the South End!