The word paralyzes me.
Anything that I have to think of as being "forever" makes me want to run. It's really unrealistic, because most of these things are not forever, just typically require long term committment. That's the part that makes me uncomfortable.
Getting a college degree? OMG, I don't want to be a dental hygeniest forever.
Moving in with a boyfriend? I can't imagine dating a guy who works at ABC Construction forever.
Signing a contract at work? Hell no, I don't want to be involved with this project forever.
Buying a house? That means I have to live in this town forever?
Dieting? I don't want to be eating cottage cheese and carrot sticks forever.
Having kids? Shit. Those things you have to take care of forever.
I think that's why I like the lifestyle I have so much; nothing is forever.
But lately, Eddie and I have been talking about buying a house or property somewhere, to establish our little homestead. The options we have are overwhelming and the idea of settling somewhere makes me think I'll be there forever. And what if I change my mind, which is something I do often.
My friend said that I have to start thinking about what I want to do, commit to it and just do it. Even the thought of that is giving me hives. I have to decide on something? Shit. She knows I'm a Libra; we're very indecisive. In my mind, I have forever to decide.
Hmm...in that respect, maybe forever isn't such a bad thing.