Thursday, October 26, 2006

Forever Yours


The word paralyzes me.

Anything that I have to think of as being "forever" makes me want to run. It's really unrealistic, because most of these things are not forever, just typically require long term committment. That's the part that makes me uncomfortable.

Getting a college degree? OMG, I don't want to be a dental hygeniest forever.

Moving in with a boyfriend? I can't imagine dating a guy who works at ABC Construction forever.

Signing a contract at work? Hell no, I don't want to be involved with this project forever.

Buying a house? That means I have to live in this town forever?

Dieting? I don't want to be eating cottage cheese and carrot sticks forever.

Having kids? Shit. Those things you have to take care of forever.

I think that's why I like the lifestyle I have so much; nothing is forever.

But lately, Eddie and I have been talking about buying a house or property somewhere, to establish our little homestead. The options we have are overwhelming and the idea of settling somewhere makes me think I'll be there forever. And what if I change my mind, which is something I do often.

My friend said that I have to start thinking about what I want to do, commit to it and just do it. Even the thought of that is giving me hives. I have to decide on something? Shit. She knows I'm a Libra; we're very indecisive. In my mind, I have forever to decide. that respect, maybe forever isn't such a bad thing.


Anonymous said...

I am just like you. Forever scares the shit out of me. However, we are on our second house and believe me it is not bad at all. In fact, well worth it! No paying rent, you can make it your own, and you can sell it a few years down the road and make a few bucks. Not to mention upgrade on your next place, if you so choose. Kids is what forever is all about. Gives me the willies just thinking about it!

Anonymous said...

I am 34 years old and have moved 40 times. Deciding to settle down is something I have wanted to do for a long time, I know in my heart it is better for Little Princess. But some part of me is terrified of deciding to live somewhere forever. And another part of me is terrified I am incapable of making that decision at all.

I don't know how any of that helps other than to say that in some way, I do relate to how you feel.