Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Less Is Not More In All Cases

As a plus size, full figured, heavy-set, plump, overweight, chubby, fat, or as my grandfather used to say, "big boned" woman (although I don't think bones are really classified as skinny or fat...thanks Poppy), there are things that I don't think some of us should wear. Things that give us all a bad name.

Believe me, the corpulent women of this country aren't found in only one area anymore. Some cities may have the dubious distinction of being "America's Fattest City" but I can tell you with certainty, no city has cornered the market on big chicks. That said, I bring you my list of dressing tips for the girl blessed with more.

10 Practical Dressing Tips For Fat Chicks

1. If the words mini, demi or cropped (unless we are talking about pants) are in the description, you probably shouldn't wear it.

2. Rolls are for bakeries. I shouldn't be able to see the one (or three) you have because your shirt doesn't reach your waistband.

3. Speaking of waistbands...they should be around your waist. The low-rise trend is NOT for you.

4. If I can see your ass cheeks, your dress/skirt/shorts are too freakin' short. Even if your name IS Daisy Duke.

5. You probably shouldn't be sporting any words across the ass of your clothing. If you're wearing a pair of sweatpants that say Notre Dame University Alumni, and I can see every single letter clearly...your ass is too wide.

6. Sleeveless is not for everyone. Bra straps, underarm fat or bat wings should be concealed. If it's not flattering, consider an alternative.

7. Fit is paramount. Clothing too tight or alternatively, too big will make you look bigger than you probably are. I shouldn't be able to see every dimple of cellulite on your thighs, nor should I wonder if you're pregnant. Work with your body, not against it.

8. Tube tops, halter tops or anything backless. If you can't contain the girls and they wind up looking like two flounders underneath your top, it's not for you. And do I really need to defend backfat?

9. T-shirts, sweatshirts or sweaters with Disney characters, Betty Boop or lots of childlike embellishments. You don't want to look like a circus clown or its tent. It's bad enough big chicks have to deal with criticism from others, you don't want them pointing and laughing too.

And last but not least...

10. Just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it.

I just want everyone to know that I am by NO MEANS anti-fat. If you are comfortable being a plus-size, or your boyfriend or husband likes his women with meat (a little OR a lot), that's just fine. I'm just saying that there are ways to dress in a more flattering manner. Take some time and think about your appearance. Sloppy is NEVER acceptable. And you don't want to wind up in the "People of Walmart" emails.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Grain Gone By
The Absolute Beauty Of It
Not Only Did He Pray, He Posed
Camera Phone Coolness
Life Is A Salt Shaker


Nikki said...

That is awesome! I just got your magazine in the mail and you're phenomenal! I'm so proud of you! Love you and miss you bunches!

Anonymous said...

Thank you thank you! I am a big gal myself and am often shocked at what other bigger women wear in public. Everything you said was so right.

Mike said... to be fair, how about the Top Ten "don'ts" for guys. I'd like to make sure i'm not breaking any rules!