Sunday, October 10, 2010

Ten. Ten. Ten. A Perfect Score!

My mother reminded me that my trip to Italy started on 10.10.10 and that I'll be able to remember that date forever as my first time traveling to Europe. I didn't even think about it since our flight left the United States on the 9th, but since I did arrive in Rome on the 10th, I'll just go with that!

I think the tens can be looked upon as a sign...that this trip is going to be an absolute TEN across the board! Tomorrow I promise to start on the fabulous part of the trip, but for now, let's get the unpleasant stuff out of the way; the rant part of The Daily Rant.

The flight? Horrible. Unbearably and undeniably horrible. The only good thing is that in a three across seat grouping, Ed and I were the only ones in our row. But that's the only positive thing I will say.

At this point in my life, I think the most unpleasant experience I've ever had was when I had an endoscopy; semi-rigid tubing, snaked down my throat like Roto-Rooter was looking for drain clogs. While the doctor was scoping out the situation on a video screen to find out what was happening in my esophagus, stomach and duodenum, I was gagging because they were wiggling what felt like a garden hose in my throat. AND, because of that hose, I couldn't breathe, and the "numbing spray" they put down my throat to minimize the pain wasn't working. Oh, and my eyes were watering (mostly because I was crying) and I'm pretty sure I was drooling. Rough day, that was.

That said, you need to know that I'd have an endoscopy while having my feet in the stirrups at the gyno, and at the same time I'd be getting a root canal (if they could get to my teeth past the hose) before I'd want to have a flight like that again. Let me lay it out in three words...

Cramped. Tight. And if that's not enough, my favorite: HOT.

You know how I hate hot, right? That wasn't even the worst of it. What airline doesn't have individual air vents? Ooooh! I know, I know! ALITALIA, that's who.

So I sat in my teeny tiny seat, 17 inches wide, and immediatly looked around the plane for the Air Marshal. I figured if I took him down at some point during the flight, when I couldn't take it anymore, they'd haul my ass off to jail or something and I wouldn't have to sit in that tiny seat. Do you know how wide 17" is? No? Go get a measuring tape. I'll wait.

See it? OK. My hips haven't been 17" wide since............

Well, since NEVER. And even with the armrest up (if you want to call cutting into the side of my rib "up") I couldn't sit comfortably. The seat reclined about two inches, but the armrest stayed where it was. And then the guy in front of me kept his seat back for the entire flight. Which meant I was able to taste his hair. That guy? My cousin's boyfriend.

So the nine hours we were on the flight, I think I got a grand total of forty minutes sleep. I didn't complain because I didn't want to be the bitchy annoying one of the group (again) and really, what could be done anyway once you're in the air? So I just murmured to myself and shared a few heavy sighs with Ed.

Then we landed in Rome and began the twelve mile walk to our rental car...I'll spare you that tirade.

OK...the rant is now out of my system and I can move on to a vacation I'm pretty damn sure is going to be an actual TEN.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lighting The Testosterone Torch
Eddie Helps The Economy Friday
Talk About A Thorn In Your Side
My Sentiments Exactly
Mason? Dixon? Line? BELOW It.


Anonymous said...

You deserve a gold star for that ordeal. Hope your travels are a breeze from here on out.

Evil Pixie said...

I know I shouldn't laugh, but I think I found it so funny because it sounds like my first trip to England. A total misery. And, on top of that, the airline (Continental) lost our luggage! I hope your trip gets better. Just remember... Deep breaths.

Terry said...

As anyone who as ever traveled with me can attest. I am EXTREMELY anal about how the seats are laid out in any flight I am contemplating. Normally, if it is just a couple of hours I dont sweat it too much but for anything longer it has to be the 2 seat configuration. I will search for days to find what I want to avoid exactly what you had to deal with.

Pat said...

you can never plan enough for those long flights. You save a favorite book to read, movie to watch and then another book and after you're done you figure out your still not half way there. It's like being pigs going to slaughter.

Well, except for the next day you are on a fabulous adventure instead on someone's dinner plate. Have a great time in Italia!

Gil said...

No air vents is an innovation! I think we were on that plane and another like that from RI to NC. Now that you are out of the torture chamber- have fun!!!!!!!

MAE said...

OMG, I can relate. California to Hawaii the same thing, no air vents and I was in menopause and ready to kill. Good thing for a paper fan I bought when a traveler told me the plane was too hot. My wrist hurt the entire vacation from fanning like a maniac,lol. Hawaii was beautiful, but I'll never take a flight there again.