Shopping In Hell

Today I ran to the store to do a little last minute shopping because I had to pick up a gift for my friend's kids. Let me tell you how traumatized I am shopping for kids. I wandered around the toy department in a daze. I didn't even feel like I was in my own body. My eyes were glazed over, my head felt foggy and as I was shuffling my feet, twirling around, looking at all of the choices, I felt my chest tightening as well. It is sheer torture.

I hate shopping in general, but Christmas shopping has got to be the worst. I like to get in and get out. That's my shopping M.O. I thought I was going to have to shove a pencil in my eye shopping with my mother yesterday. She had a list, but she had to look at every single thing that wasn't on the list before she actually put the listed items into her basket. I was done, wandering behind her with my items snugly in the cart, that I was hanging on to with white knuckles just to keep my hands occupied so I wouldn't snap her neck. I will never go to the store with her again.

After I was done with the death shop today, I came home to check the weather for the next few days. Why, you ask? Because I am a freaking masochist, that's why. I should just take the blade to my wrist right now, because THIS is what the next seven days looks like. Do you see Christmas Day? 75 Degrees. SEVENTY FIVE!!! In December! This is the local news forecast...can you imagine that The Weather Channel has each day at least three degrees hotter? OMG.

There is some serious global shit going on people and I don't like it one bit. At the rate this is happening, there isn't going to be a place on earth I can go to get away from the heat.

I really have to reconsider my holiday plans next year. I don't think I can bear having another holiday wearing shorts and flip-flops or shopping in stores that require you to disrobe before entering because they have the heat set on incinerate. Just because it's "winter" here, does not mean you have to put the heat on. If it's seventy five outside, it does not have to be eighty five inside. Even more disturbing are the people wearing turtlenecks, sweaters, scarves and coats. WTF??