Sunday, November 20, 2011

Like And Loathing In Las Vegas

Last night at the Venetian, we did a bit of walking around through the shops before heading off to see The Phantom. At one of the shops, I saw this rhinestone lion. I'm amazed at the things these shops sell; I mean, who needs a rhinestone lion?? There is such luxury in this town, all amid the skank and the homeless, just a few blocks in any direction off the strip.

It's definitely another world. When I first came to Vegas as a teenager, everyone seemed to dress up for everything and there were no kids anywhere. Now, during summers and school vacations, this place is swarming with families. Not now though, since school is in session; we hardly saw any children, which is great, but there were tons of people out and about once the weekend hit. The blackjack tables were crowded, and the girls were out in full force, decked out in VERY mini dresses (I saw a lot of ass cheeks) and 5-inch heels.

There's never a dull moment in Las Vegas, that's for sure. There is always a lot going on the tons of stuff to enjoy, but there are also a few things I don't like. Here's my list of my top five likes and dislikes regarding Las Vegas:


1. The people watching. You'll find some of the best people watching in Las Vegas - better than almost anywhere I've been, including New York. Also, the biggest slut parade you'll ever see takes place in Sin City - at all times of the day, but best at night of course. I'm amazed at the way girls dress. I saw more tube dresses last night than I did tube tops in all of the eighties combined. And they are so short, taking a breath could make a boob or an ass cheek pop out. There were a few cute babydoll dresses on the young girls, but still with the sky-high heels, and there were some older women dressed nicely, but the majority of women looked like they were attending a hooker convention.

2. The restaurants. Food of all types, in every price range. You'll never go hungry in this town. There's everything from McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts to buffets of every variety to restaurants where you'd have to win at Baccarat to have enough money to eat there.

3. The fun and money. You have the opportunity to have fun and make money at the same time, IF Lady Luck is on your side. Whenever Ed and I gamble, we try to make enough money to cover our everything we want to do; hotel, food, shows, etc., so that we at least get all our "entertainment" for free. Ed has gotten pretty good at blackjack, so we always cover the expenses. And this time, we left with a profit!

4. The activities. There's always something to do, for everyone. If you can't find something to do in this town, you're not trying hard enough. There are tons of free things to see; the water show at the Bellagio, the Freemont Street light show, the lions at the MGM Grand, the tigers at the Mirage, the erupting much to see, so little time.

5. The entertainment. World class. From comedy to music to Broadway style productions. They always have top name performers and when you put a Vegas twist on any type of show, it takes it over the top. And don't forget to check out the half-price ticket booths - they're SO worth it!


1. The crowds. All year round it's crowded, but more during school breaks and holidays. A sea of people, everywhere you go. Doesn't matter what time of day it is, there's always someone you'll have to bob and weave around. It's a constant barrage of people and noise. It's physically taxing and causes me a tiny bit of pedestrian rage when walking among the throngs of bodies.

2. The smoke. I wrote about
this the other day. It's absolutely overwhelming. I'd probably visit more often, spend more money, eat in more restaurants, and gamble more if the smoke wasn't so horribly stifling. They do have air filtration systems which makes it a smidge more bearable (although really not enough in my opinion), but it doesn't help when the person next to you is letting their cigarette burn while they gamble. No matter where I am, the smoke always finds MY nostrils.

3. The exorbitant prices. Even though I mentioned in my "like" section the affordable dining and show options (using the half-price ticket booths), shows and food are still expensive. Food used to be the cheapest thing you could get in town, and there are still some deals but they're not likely found in the heart of the strip. We don't mind spending the money on food because we like to eat out, but for the shows, unless you want to sit in a section waaaay in the back, the best tickets are going to be in the higher price range. Our tickets for Phantom were $135 each, and although Ed got a deal on them through American Express, it was still a little pricey.

4. The walking. Holy mother of all things pedestrian! It's like a mini-marathon just to cross a casino floor, but walking from hotel to hotel, shop to shop and attraction to attraction is enough to make you wish your first stop was to buy new sneakers. Don't even think of taking a cab - they move like snails and cost a fortune. Walking is still the best way to see everything, so expect to be doing a lot of it.

5. The heat. Granted, it wasn't too hot this time of year, but it's typically like the surface of the sun the rest of the year. If you ever go to Las Vegas in the summer, prepare to meet Satan himself. He'll probably be on the sidewalks flipping
cards to sell you a girl-to-your-room-in-twenty-minutes. Seriously though, it's hot. "It's not just hot, it's Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot." This place is only a couple of hours from Death Valley, but in the summer, you'll feel like you're standing right in the middle of the Mojave. The only difference here is, you can pop into an air-conditioned casino, sit for a spell at a slot machine and get a free cocktail. It's the only thing that makes the heat bearable.

If you've never been to Las Vegas, it's certainly an experience. Expect to spend a lot, and lose a lot of money. And there may be a a few things that happen that you will want to "leave in Las Vegas"...don't worry, no one will tell.

They'll probably be too drunk to remember anything.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Get Fresh With Me…Please!
In The Blink Of An Eye
Duck, Duck, Drake
The Lady And Sons
The Department Of Mindless Vegetables
Ooo Rah Johnny Cash!


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