Wednesday, March 28, 2012

More Distracting Than Texting While Driving

So last night I was driving while Ed was in the back preparing for bed. I was on Interstate 10 in Beaumont, Texas and it was almost 8:30pm. It was dark and I was traveling in the center lane of three.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a white pickup come up on the driver side of the truck. It caught my eye because it was keeping pace with me, kind of lingering. Usually, most people - especially asshole pickup drivers, and almost always asshole pickup truck drivers in Texas - can't wait to get away from or around a big truck. They hate being behind or near something so slow. But this guy was just hovering.

I looked over and although I couldn't really see in his truck because it was semi-dark, I thought he had his shirt off. I also thought I saw his hand is in his lap. Then it occured to me that he may have been masturbating!

So I took another quick look, seeing he definitely didn't have a shirt on. I could see he was wearing glasses, that he was kinda fat (not flabby fat, just the hard, barrel belly kind of fat), and that he seemed to be around 38-45 years old.

I yelled back to the sleeper to tell Ed to look out the window on the driver's side, "Check out this guy in the white pickup. I think he's naked. Or shirtless. Something. And I think he's jacking off."

Ed moves like a glacier, so by the time he looked, the guy had fallen back, crossed behind the trailer and started to approach in the right lane. I yelled again to Ed, "Baby! Look out the kitchen window. The guy in the white pickup. Tell me if you can see anything. I swear I think he's naked."

Here's a still shot of the pickup truck approaching on the passenger side, taken from the truck video camera:

Ed waited for him to get near the window, while I glanced at the side view mirror, waiting for him to get closer to the front of the truck. That's when I heard Ed say, "Yep. He's naked."

"Totally naked??"

"Yep. And he's got his dick in his hand, totally jerking off."

"Are you serious?? You can SEE his dick?? And he's really naked?"

"Yep. Big fat guy. Naked as a jay bird. Jerking off." he says.

Oh. My. God! The pickup then got close to the passenger window, and when I looked over, I saw the top of his head and could see he was looking over at the truck, but I couldn't see his face.

Ed was asking where my camera was, but I told him to forget it because it was dark and the guy was falling back again anyway, now almost to the back of the trailer.

"He's slowing down. Almost to the back of the trailer now." I said.

Ed told me to slow down, but I didn't want to be obvious, and I certainly didn't want this guy to think I was into looking at him, but I was looking because I wanted to see if he was really, truly, driving down the road with no clothes on.

I moved over to to right lane now, and he was coming up on my left. I said to Ed, "I'm gonna light him."

"No, don't." Ed said.

I wanted to shine the spotlight into his pickup to a) get a better look and b) try to embarrass him. Which when you think about it, probably wasn't going to be possible since he was already driving through Beaumont, on a busy interstate, buck naked.

I got the spotlight in position and waited for him to pull up next to me. Once he was in position and started to hover again, I quickly looked over to judge his position and then flicked the spotlight on.

Right into the cab of his pickup. Right. On. His. Dick.

He was most definitely, absolutely COMPLETELY naked. You'd think a guy who does this would just unzip his pants, or just pull his pants down, leaving his shirt on. Maybe pulled up a bit for full exposure. But this guy decided to go Full Monty.

He just had his dick in his hand (or penis...who knows what the preferred way of calling it is in a story like this), stroking it proudly, and flicking the head of it in my direction.

I was flabbergasted. Yelling, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" to Ed. So many thoughts were flying through my head, and then I saw him starting to fall back again. I switched off the spotlight and watched him go behind the trailer, then veer off to the right getting off an exit.

So my thoughts were...

How often does he do this?

How did he know it'd be a woman driver when he sidled up next to me, naked? Or did he not care what gender the driver was.

Who is he? He didn't look seedy...he was just a regular looking guy and his truck was a newer model.


And then a good question my friend Vicki pointed out when I told her...

Did he get into the car naked or did he take all his clothes off in the car - either before driving or while driving?

I'm sure veteran drivers have seen things like this many times, but it still amazes me that it happens. The only other incident like this one, which also happened while I was driving, involved a

When I relayed the story to my mother, her first thought when I told her I spotlighted the guy was, "What if he follows you?"

"Mom, he's not going to follow me."

"Well maybe he'll just wait for you to stop. Then he'll get you." I tell you, she watches too much TV.

"Ma, we just filled up with fuel, it's a team run, and we're only stopping to switch out. He's going to have to jerk off for the next seven hours if he's planning to follow me until I stop."

And law enforcement is worried about people texting?? I'd say this is the epitome of distracted driving.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Aftermath
2 YEARS AGO: More Than Halfway To A World Record
3 YEARS AGO: When You Need Your Hump Fixed, This Is The Place
4 YEARS AGO: The Flight, The Hotel, The Walk And The Sleep Deprivation
5 YEARS AGO: A Lot Of Beauty, A Little Citrus And A Mini Moo
6 YEARS AGO: Shorn


gary said...

I wonder if that is an official fetish, with its own name or term or something ? I was going to make a witty comment using the word "stick shift" but that would be too easy. Great story !

Marlaina said...

A wanker! That is so creepy. Gigi Roxx had one, a friend of mine had one, I fear there are thousands, if not, millions of nutbars out there.

In Schneider School they told us that we'd see some amazing things driving the Interstates - and they weren't talking about the sunrise and the sunset - but we've seen nothing out of the ordinary, so far. I dread the thought. I hope I look too serious and too schoolmarmy when I'm driving.

And people are worried about crazy truck drivers. You're right, this is the epitome of distracted driving.

ELH said...

Do you remember when the plums had a pervert. Hovering around Michelle at night?? Followed her for miles and into a truck stop, till kendall chased him off..

Project Girl said...

Oh geez, why are all the crazies in Texas?

Willow said...

LOL, Too funny!!!

Gil said...

Now your Mom won't be able to sleep!

Angela said...

I have had a total of three weenie waggers in my time on the road. None this go-round so far. Thankfully. But I had one that was another big truck driver and the other two were in 4-wheelers. The one guy, had the biggest member I've ever witnessed in real life, and was handling that thing like it was attacking him... I thought he was going to pull it off. LOL
I don't understand why men do this. And it's definitely NOT safe. But neither is eating soup or playing a banjo while driving, both of which I've witnessed as well.