Wednesday, May 01, 2013

No Pets. No Beards.

Photo by Herb Lingl
Those are the two hard and fast rules you must adhere to before you enter this refinery.  They aren't the only ones, but they're apparently the most important.

The pet thing I didn't ask about - I don't really care because I don't have one - but the beard thing I was curious about (and no, not because I have one, but because Ed has a goatee).  I was told the reason beards are prohibited is because the masks you'd have to wear, if an emergency took place, wouldn't seal around your face to protect you.  So no facial hair is allowed.  Seems the hirsute are screwed.

Like this lady - she'd totally be shit out of luck.  
The other rules were that you must have safety glasses, a hardhat with googles attached, earplugs, a fireproof jumpsuit, long sleeves, long pants, and sturdy shoes.  This sounds like a place I really don't want to go into.  WTF?

I hate rules. 

If you don't have these items - and who carries a fireproof jumpsuit with them? - they will be provided for you.  And they were.  So I had to put on a jumpsuit worn by I-don't-know-how-many other people and don a hardhat and safety glasses just to step foot through the gate.   

Oh, and before all of this takes place, you have to watch a video narrated by some company executive telling you how important safety is (duh) and how they pride themselves on essentially not killing anyone (duh again). 

This is what I always get out of these videos:  If something starts to go wrong, follow the people who work there.

I'm not remembering what CEO Fancypants said.  I'm not looking up at any smokestacks to determine which way the fucking wind is blowing.  And I'm not waiting around to figure out how I can "contain the spill".  Screw that.

I'm following the crowd of people scrambling for the nearest exit and I'm getting the hell out of there.  You can reprimand me later for going left when I should have gone right.

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1 comment:

Unknown said...

Oh dear, I was completely mesmerized by the bearded lady. WHERE did you say the exits were?? Hey! Where IS everyone?!?