Monday, January 18, 2010

This Time Losing The Wallet Really Means Losing The Wallet

Yesterday, I lost my wallet.

I can say that calmly because today, I found my wallet. It was miles from where it should have been and I have no idea how it happened.

We had been out all day; Starbucks, lunch, Barnes and Noble, Target,
Marcella’s Italian Kitchen for dinner (new place for us - mental note made about how delish! it was) and then a late night stop at the self-service section of the post office. By the time we got back to the hotel room that night, it was after nine.

I performed my nightly routine of getting into comfy clothes and then went to my purse to get my wallet so I could file the receipts from the day, but my wallet wasn't there. I looked all over the room, emptied out my (little) purse, went back down to the car to check under the seats and even drove back to the post office (in my pajamas!) to check there.

I couldn't imagine where I left it because the only time I had my money out was at Barnes and Noble to pay for my latte, and I was pretty confident I didn't leave it there. I know the table we sat at was bare when we left because I cleaned up our coffee cups and put the magazines away, leaving nothing behind. I didn't pay for anything at Target, so I couldn't imagine I left it there and I didn't pay for anything at the restaurant either, so that was out too.

The only place still open when I called around was the restaurant. They put me on hold and went to look for it where we were seated but came up empty handed. Ed went back down to the car to look again and was gone for a very long time. I figured he had gone to check the post office again but he actually drove all the way back to the Target, which was more than fifteen miles away in one direction. When he got back, he informed me that they wouldn't let him in the store since they'd already closed the doors and the kid who spoke to him through the glass couldn't check the Lost & Found anyway, since it was locked in the manager's office.

Ed actually freaked out more than I did. I was thinking well, what can I do? If it's gone, it's gone. And he was thinking otherwise. First he said I'd have to go back to motor vehicle to get my CDL and then wait for it to be mailed to the house. Then I'd have to go get my TWIC card again, paying for a replacement and wait for that to be mailed. Then I'd have to get a copy of my DOT Physical, possibly paying for that too and then wait to get a new health card. Then I'd have to cancel all my credit cards (which, because of Christmas, were ALL in my wallet) and wait for the new ones to be mailed to the house. Oh My God, he was making my head hurt!

Even when I told him that I'd never, in my adult life, misplaced or lost a wallet or anything of any importance, that I don't even think I've ever lost a set of keys, it didn't matter; he still went on and on about how I should be more careful (ya think?) and to make sure to always put my wallet back after I pay (oh, really?) and that maybe I should carry my wallet in my pocket (Yeah, whatever. That'll NEVER happen) or maybe even put my CDL in my pocket (another thing that'll never happen).

I was never worried about someone stealing my identity and I really didn't give a rat's ass about my credit cards. I mean really, it was now after midnight on a Sunday in Ohio. Where was this supposed thief going to go other than the twenty-four hour Walmart?? I think the thing that bothered me most was that I'd have to take a new picture. I love the photo that's currently on my license, there's no telling with a new one. At the moment though, I just needed to go to bed and get some rest before I resumed the search in the morning. And, I couldn't listen to Ed any longer.

Turns out the first phone call I made in the morning (to Target) was the only one I had to make. They had it locked up and when I went to get it, not a penny had been disturbed. I immediately sent Ed a text message so he could breathe a little easier. Disaster averted.

This whole wallet sitaution reminded me of something that happened almost fifteen years ago that makes still me laugh everytime I think about it. Way back when, my friend Greg and I were chit-chatting on the phone about a date he recently went on. I asked all the usual questions; how was it? where'd you go? what'd you do? dinner? coffee? what kind of date was it?, etc. After some grilling, he said that they wound up not going anywhere at all. Wha? Of course, I asked why. He told me that after his date showed up and they left his apartment for the restaurant, he realized he didn't have his wallet. He thought he lost it but when they drove back to his place to look for it, he realized it wasn't actually lost, he had just left it at home.

So there they were, alone in his apartment....

One thing led to another and they never left the apartment again that night. They decided not to go out but instead, ordered in and then had sex for the rest of the evening! After that incident, "having sex" was forever referred to as "losing the wallet". My friends and I congratulated Greg on his sly ploy and ingenious way of luring someone back to his place under the guise of "losing" his wallet.

To this day, if I'm talking to him or any of my friends from that time period and they are talking about a guy or girl they like or are dating, when the question of sex comes up, someone will inevitably say something to the effect of "Are you going to lose the wallet tonight?" or if it's someone new, "Have you lost the wallet yet?"

I love having special codes like that. I've had many through my life and thinking about them now brings back such great memories. Ed and I even have a few we use when we want to talk about something in public that we normally wouldn't be able to.

Now that this story has come to light, I'm sure Ed won't be so cranky next time I lose the wallet. And because I'm never going to carry my wallet in my pocket, Ed can sleep peacefully knowing it'll never get lost anywhere else but wherever he'll be; hopefully close by to help me find it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Marley & Me
Eddie Gets Handy Friday
The Perfect Neapolitan Slice
The King Of The Flying Salmon

No comments: