Miss Singular

A while back, I was having a relationship conversation with Ed. In the course of the conversation, I said that maybe I’d just be better off being alone.

After an extremely long pause, that I could only imagine was him thinking, he said, “No. You can’t be alone.”

“Why not?” I said, indignant at the thought that he was going to tell me what to do when I had already decided on my solo status.

“Well, then you’ll be just like my brother Bill. Getting up at noon. Walking in the backyard naked, with a piece of lettuce on your head, talking to yourself and dancing around in your own feces. Or putting your grandma’s panties on your head and doing the hokey pokey in the mirror. That's what is in store for you, Miss Singular.”