Sunday, February 14, 2010

Falling In Love With Ugly

The expression "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is well known and understood; everyone has a different idea of beauty.

Whether it’s art, music, literature or people, you just know what you like. With people, you know who you’re usually attracted to. You might have a “type”. Maybe you like redheads, maybe you go for tall guys, maybe you like quirky girls who work in tattoo shops, maybe you’re a sucker for a chubby chick with dimples; whatever your preference is, you most likely have a reason. And that person to you, is beautiful.

But what happens when you decide you like someone who is ugly? Maybe not ugly to someone else but ugly to you, according to your idea of beauty. Someone so outside of what you usually like, you question your taste and wonder what the hell is wrong with you. How can I like this person? You look at them and the only words that come to your mind are wow, they are kinda…ugly. She’s got a weird nose, his head has a freaky shape, she’s got odd toes, he’s got a grotesque scar, no manners, whatever. You can easily identify what you don’t like about them yet you still can’t tear your eyes away. When you’re away from them, they're constantly invading your thoughts. There is just “something about him/her” but you don’t know what it is. Can't put your finger on it. You’re inexplicably drawn to them in ways you never felt.

In fact, when you talk to your friends thinking one day they’re bound to meet, you say right up front, “Well, I want to warn you…he’s ugly. I mean, you’re not going to look at him and compliment me on my good taste in men. He’s just physically kind of unappealing, not that pleasant to look at….but I’m telling you girls, I just can’t get enough of him. I want to see him all the time. I see the ugly, I acknowledge it, and I just don’t care. He is the guy I want.”

I fell in love with an older man once. And an immigrant. And a thief. None of them were ugly. But I have found myself drawn to, and on the verge of, falling in love with ugly.

I think it takes a certain kind of person to love a physically ugly human. Women do it easier and more often than men. Men look beyond the exterior less frequently; if the package doesn't entice, it's perfectly acceptable to move on. Not one of their buddies would urge them to stay with the girl who has the upturned piggy nose, the acne scarred skin or the problem with her weight; there aren't too many men who root for the girl with the huge ass. Well, unless they’re Brazilian.

For me, there's a certain attraction to the imperfections; it's part intrigue and part Miss Fix-It. I tend to see the gem in the unpolished, rough, outwardly unremarkable and easily dismissible rock. It's a challenge I almost can't pass up. And frankly, I'd much rather date, marry or befriend someone beautiful on the inside rather than tolerate a sweet or visually appealing exterior and a rotten core. Lots of people SAY the inside counts but they don't always mean it.

Case in point: I once knew someone whose long term boyfriend told her that she was 95% of what he always wanted in a woman, and although he was attracted to her, needed more "chemistry". I get the chemistry thing, really I do. I think it's one of the things that allows me to love ugly, but if you're going to give up 95% to go looking for that 5%...well, I think you just don't get it.

Me? I'd take the ugly. I'll take someone whose face lights up when they see me. I am strong enough to stand up to anyone who has the nerve to say "He's not as cute as so-and-so." I know where the beauty is and I know
how to release it.

And it’s almost never on the outside.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A Love Like This Can Know No Death
Peace To This House
The Sultan Of Love
It’s Even Better Than Arbor Day


Evil Pixie said...

I totally agree with you. And, interestingly enough, I have noticed that what I once thought was "ugly" about a person before I got to know them was no longer noticeable to me after I got to know them. They became beautiful. Beauty really does shine from the inside out, but unfortunately it typically does that for women (though not all). Men, on the other hand, tend to go for what is easier. I once got into an argument with a guy on the definition of "attractive." He (and his buddies) defined "attractive" only in terms of physical beauty, while my friends and I were arguing from a different approach. In the end, the women began to view those guys in terms of my grandmother's Christmas presents: beautiful to look at under the tree, but disappointing when you open them up and desperate to exchange them for something less pretty but a better fit.

MAE said...

...great post...we've all known people with great bodies and looks but are shallow what Evil Pixie said about her grandmother's xmas gifts...MAE

Don Olney said...

Wonderful! And I notice you left out the picture -- ;-)

gdiesels said...

I'm just so glad I have the looks of Brad Pitt and the heart of Mahatma Gandhi

oh, not to mention the modesty of Hillary Clinton.

Such a lucky boy I am!

Yuri said...

Im experiencing someything like this. I think im fall in love with someone that for me is unattractive (to not say ugly) but he has something that i dont care anymore about his apparience. All my friends tell : how can you like someone like him. But i dont know. I love to talk with him everyday, he is funny and intelligent. haha i just love ugly and i cant help it.