Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Joke's On Us

I recently read an article that covered trucking humor. As they pointed out in the article, everyone at some point is a newbie driver, so these jokes apply to almost everyone at some point. But the interesting thing the author discovered, was that maybe ten of the country's largest carriers accounted for eighty percent of the jokes.

The following are some from the article and a few others I found online:

Rookie driver comes into a hardware store. “What do you need?” asks the owner. “I just started working for a truck company and was hoping you sold CB handles.”

Why doesn’t Werner have a tanker division?
They lost too many drivers due to drowning when they tried installing load locks.

A trucker sees a road sign in the distance that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Sure enough, he gets stuck under the bridge. When the police officer arrives at the scene, he approached the drivers and said, “Looks like you got stuck, huh?” The trucker replies, “No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of fuel.”

Did you hear about the Schneider driver that got arrested in El Paso for hauling dope?
He had two Swift drivers in the bunk!

What happens when you knock over a Schneider egg (orange barrel)?
It cracks open and a Yellow Freight driver is hatched!

A veteran driver sitting in his rig at a truck stop sees a Swift driver trying fruitlessly to back into a parking space. Finally the Swift driver gets on the CB and asks for help. The vet goes over and helps him get into the space. The Swift driver offers the vet $10, but the vet declines, saying “Keep your week’s pay, but if your truck had a trailer on it, I would accept it.”

What does WERNER Stand For?
We Employ Rednecks No Experience Required!

What does CRST Stand For?
1) Caution Really Stupid Trucker!
2) Caution Really Slow Truck!
3) Crash, Roll & Stunt Team

What do you call 365 Swift trucks traveling in the same direction?
A year’s worth of experience!

How can you tell where the JB Hunt drivers fuel up?
All the lot lizards have engagement rings!

Why did McDonalds ban JB Hunt drivers?
They kept tearing up the playground equipment!

Why does JB Hunt paint their trailer doors yellow?
So the driver will know which end to hook up to!

What does Prime Inc stand for?
Please Remember I Mortgaged Everything. I Need Cash!

How do you know a JB Hunt Driver has been to your house?
Your old lady is knocked up and your mailbox is knocked down!

What does ROADWAY really stand For?
Really Old Ass Driver Working Another Year!

What does JB Hunt stand for?
1) Just Beginning to Hold Up Nation's Traffic
2) John Boy Has Us Numb Nuts Trucking
3) Just Been Hired UN Trained

What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness & a Freightliner?
At least you can close the door on the Jehovah’s Witness!

What do you call a “chicken truck” without the lights?

Why does JB Hunt paint their truck frames orange?
So when they roll their truck everyone will think it’s a Schneider truck.

What do you get when a JB Hunt driver leaves a truck stop?
Two parking spaces!!

Did you hear Peterbilt, Kenworth and Freightliner are going to make a truck together?
They are going to call it a “Peter Worth Shakin”

How do you make a million dollars in trucking?
You start with two million!!

What do you call a JB Hunt driver with a reefer unit?

Why do some Roadway trucks only have one seat?
So the driver knows which side to get in!

What does Swift Stand For?
1) Slow Wagon In Fast Traffic!
2) Sure Wish I Finished Training!
3) Sure Wish I Had A Faster Truck!
4) Stop Whining I'm Fucking Trying!
5) Slow Women In Freightliner Trucks!
6) See What I Fucked Up Today!

This Swift drivers with a hot load hit snowy weather. It got worse and worse, so finally he pulled over and called dispatch to say he was going to wait for it to blow over. “Unh-unh,” said his dispatcher. “You find a snowplow, get behind it and go. That load has got to get there!” So the driver did as instructed. He spotted a snowplow and off he went in pursuit. An hour or so later, the snowplow driver radioed the big rig. “I’m done here at the Walmart. If you wanna keep following me, I’m going over to the Target next.”

While driving along the back road of a small town, two rookies came to an overpass with a sign that read, Clearance: 11’ 3”. They got out and measured their rig, which as 12’ 4”. “What do you think?” one asked the other. They driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”

Why are Interstate Dist. Co. trucks painted green?
So you won’t notice them laying on their side in the ditch.

How do you say JB Hunt in German?

What does ENGLAND stand for?
Every New Guy Leaves After Ninety Days

Why did JB Hunt stop running doubles?
Because the top one kept falling off.

What did the driver say to the truck?
I play with your stick all day and all you give me is gas?

A JB Hunt driver was wandering around the truck stop in a panic. A Swift driver walked over and asked him what was wrong. The JB driver told him that he was 2,500 pounds over gross and although he only had to go five miles, there was a scale on the way. The Swift driver said, “Well, when you get up to the scale, turn off your lights and coast on by.” The JB Hunt driver thanked him for the good idea and went on his way. When he passed the scale, he was pulled over by the DOT. The Swift driver explained to the officer what the JB Hunt driver told him and was surprised it didn’t work. The DOT officer told him it would have worked….if it had been nighttime.

What’s the difference between JB Hunt and Schneider?
30 gallons of orange paint.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Eddie Monsignor Starbucks Friday
All The Better To Smell You With, My Dear
Neon Railroad
I Left My Heart…


all things bradbury said...

did you miss usx because you didn't want to offend us or because they were all too true to be funny???

Gil said...

Great! Where do you come up with this stuff?