Saturday, March 24, 2012

Imagine Life Artificially Sweeter

Sweet is not how one should describe a grown woman. The second I hear the words, "She's so sweet." come out of someone's mouth, my immediate thought is, Ugh. I'd probably hate her. She's probably one of those manipulative bitches who gets what she wants by appearing to be "sweet" but is likely the furthest thing from it.

I usually never like someone who has been described as sweet. Well, unless they're a little girl under the age of six. After that, a girl can be kind, precocious, sassy, adorable, delightful, animated, happy, whatever...but no longer sweet.

To me, "sweet" is fake, and I don't like fake. I don't like that uncomfortable smile that people plaster on their face, the one where their lips move but their eyes don't smile. The polite smile. The I-hate-you-but-I'm-going-to-smile-anyway smile. I think it's because our society puts a lot of stock in nice. Nice is prized. Nice is preferred. Nice is expected. Nice is what everyone wants to be seen as. Even if they're not.

I'm a big believer in "actions speak louder than words". I may be bossy, I may say things people don't love hearing, I may even piss you off. In fact, I'm sure I will piss you off (at some point). But when it comes to my showing you that I have your back, that I love you, that I'm there for you, that I really care, you will know it. Because I actually DO, in actions, what I say I'll do. What you need me to do. What the right thing is to do.

Saying please and thank you is right. Bringing something (wine, flowers, dessert, etc.) to someone's house when you're invited for dinner is right. Offering someone something to drink when they're in your home is right. Holding the door open for a woman, the elderly, anyone really, is right. Asking someone who you don't really like so much to stay for dinner, because they're the friend or family member of someone you love, is right. Sending a sympathy card? Right.

It's simple. It's the things you learned as a kid. You know what they are. And you know when you're wrong. You might ignore the nagging in the back of your mind, because you want to do what you want, think you have the right to do what you want. And you do have that right, but it doesn't mean it'll be the right thing to do.

I have met several people with sweet exteriors; people who are truly selfish, self-centered within. People who can't be bothered to put themselves out for their own family, let alone others. People who don't want to be inconvenienced. People who keep secrets and don't share any details of their lives but then expect you to understand them and accept them, when they haven't given you anything to understand. When they haven't shared one teensy little bit of themselves. They're users. They know how to be nice when they need or want something. And because they come across as "nice" and "sweet", if you were to refuse, you'd be the one who looks unreasonable.

I don't value nice. I don't fall for sweet. I see you for who you really are.

And if someone says to me, "Oh, so-and-so is so nice, isn't she?"

I'm sure my first thought will be...

Sure. On the outside.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sweets For The Sweet
2 YEARS AGO: Silver Shoes, Cliff Clavin, And A Guiness World Record
3 YEARS AGO: A Bevy Of Pavo Cristatus
4 YEARS AGO: How Much Happy Can A Dollar Buy?
5 YEARS AGO: The Heat Is On
6 YEARS AGO: The New York Catch And Release Program


Anonymous said...

Then how do you describe someone who IS actually a nice, sweet person? Fake and sweet shouldnt be meshed together ... i agree - there has to be a genuine factor (obviously) but that's something that's seen instantly. I find it sad that our society has blended the two words together where being a nice, good person has been associated with being manipulative and fake.

The Daily Rant said...

ANON: I don't typically use the word "sweet" when describing someone who is nice. Maybe charming, maybe pleasant, maybe kind. If I say "sweet", it's because others expect that word or they're used to hearing it. It's not a description I prefer.

Unfortunately, fake and sweet are often meshed together. But what you said about being genuine, and being able to feel that instantly, is true.

And that's usually how I make my determination. I have very good instincts, I'm usually right about what I first think, and if you're not genuine, I can tell right away. Sadly, I've met many people that don't pass the test.

And probably the reason society has blended the nice, good person with the manipulative, fake one is because that's what people like. Someone who APPEARS nice...regardless of what they are beneath that exterior.

That's the whole point.

Belledog said...

There is a story behind this blogpost. To be sure.

I'd say there's a difference between "sweet", which can be generous and even naive or primitive, and "saccharine", which is artificial and exactly what is setting off your "fakedar."

My mom uses "sweet" in inappropriate ways, it's approval but rarely the right word for the occasion.

(Daughter angst: I sometimes wonder if it's an attempt to knock us daughters down to young childhood level; throwing out "sweet" as an attempt to establish primacy.)

But "sweet" could just be a popular expression during her Judy Garland/Mickey Rooney teenage wannabe days (when teenagers were portrayed as and expected to be sweet, conventional little fakes; good singers too.)

Kind of like you hear "awesome" attached to some entirely non-awesome things these days. Teenage fad.