Monday, February 25, 2013

My Two Cents On Oscar Fashion

I have never done a red carpet fashion recap - and you may wish I never do another - but the dresses are my favorite part (even though I really enjoyed this year's show) and I thought I'd jump in an give my two cents.  Here we go!
Anne Hathaway:  Liked the style of the dress from the front but could have done without her pencil-eraser-sized nipples distracting me.  And her wide Joker smile kind of bugs me.
Jennifer Lawrence:  The hottest body on the red carpet, in a gorgeous dress.  Love the color, love the fabric, love the back train on it.
Charlize Theron:  This woman never gets it wrong.  The dress is beautiful and sleek and her hair is AMAZING.  I want it.
Queen Latifah:  The dress works on her, makeup is flawless, and as usual, she looks like a Queen.
Jennifer Aniston:  I like the style of the dress, but think it's a little too orangey-red.  And her hair looks like she just got home from running errands.  Not glamorous enough for the event.
Jane Fonda:  Holy shit.  She looks GREAT.  I'm not sure about the color, but I do love the dress.  Even the shoulder pads.  And hair.  Kinda 1980s, but it looks great.
Sally Field:  This looks one of those sheer peignoir sets my mother used to have from the 1960s, right down to the color.  It's absolutely horrid.  
Fan Bingbing:  Who the hell is Fan Bingbing??  I love the color of this dress, it's rich and gorgeous.  She looks like a doll.  Why was she at the Oscars??
Kelly Ripa:  This chick is just WAY too skinny. I can't even get past the emaciated skinny to look at the dress.  Not that it's anything to look at anyway.  But her skinniness ruins it for me.  She looks sick.
Alicia Vikander:  Don't know this chick, but I'm not loving her dress.  Too grandma for such a young girl.
Rachel Mwanza:  I don't like this kind of dress, especially for an event as formal as the Oscars.  She looks like she's going to be performing at Carnival in Rio de Janeiro.
Dame Shirley Bassey:  Wow, she looks great.  I mean GREAT.  She's SEVENTY-SIX.  Enough said.
Helena Bonham Carter:  She's a little TOO quirky for my taste.  The hair, the dress.  All equals MESS.
Naomi Harris:  I think this dress is just okay.  I do like the bodice though.
Renee Zellweger:  I'm not sure about this dress.  It's too slinky and too gold.  And I sort of think Renee has become unrecognizable.  She just looks weird.
Jenna Dewan-Tatum:  Based on the fact that she's married to my boyfriend Channing Tatum, I hate her dress.
Anne Sweeney:  Blah.
Quvenzhan√© Wallis:  Cute.  She's nine.  Which is evident by the purse she's carrying.
Emmanuelle Riva:  She's 86.  She looks perfectly respectable for her age and I kinds like the color.
Melissa McCarthy:  OK, I don't mind a fat chick.  Especially a funny fat chick.  Hell, I'm a funny fat chick.  What I do mind is that she's wearing gray.  That much gray makes her look like a manatee.  And if a rich actress can't get fashion for fatties right, there's no hope for the rest of us.
Zoe Saldana:  Not loving the tri-color hem.  The belt.  Too much goign on in the bodice.  Yuck.
Catherine Zeta-Jones:  It's okay.  I like the gold.  She's starting to look a little tart-ish though.
Amanda Seyfried:  Hate neck things on dresses.  Hate the dress.  Hate the color.
Jessica Chastain:  My friend said this dress was one shader lighter than her hair and one shade darker than her skin.  I agree.  But I still like it.  It fits nice and the shimmery stitching was very old Hollywood to me.
Halle Berry:  She's always incredible.  I am in love with her hair.  Her skin is beyond amazing.  And this dress is stunning.  When she walked out on stage for the James Bond tribute, everything on her slinked.  Slunk?  Whatever...she was slinking across the stage.  And the dress looked amazing coming towards the camera.  In love.
Salma Hayek:  What the hell was she thinking??  That neckline is ridiculous.  First, I hate dresses with necks, as I just mentioned, but Salma is 5'2" and a third of her body is boob.  She doesn't really need any kind of design element to shorten her even more.  Worst choice ever.  I can't even look at it. 
Sandra Bullock:  I love Sandra Bullock and this dress was just okay.  Shimmery, but not crazy, and fits the event.
Nina Garcia:  Nina, Nina, Nina.  You're the Creative Director for Marie Claire magazine.  You've been in fashion most of your life.  You are a judge on Project Runway, for Pete's sake.  This is a huge miss for me.
Maria Menounos:  Hate the dress, hate the hair.
Nancy O'Dell:  The dress is okay, don't like the color.
Gloria Ruben:  I like the colors, but together they don't do it for me.
Bombay Jayarshri:  This is culturally pretty, but it looks like every sari I've ever seen.  Is this supposed to be a formal sari?

Kelly Osbourne:  I like this dress.  Especially for her - the strapping is edgy and it fits her age.  And I like her with the purple hair lately, but I don't like it with this dress.
Kristin Chenoweth:  Now this is what a munchkin should wear.  Kristin is 4'11" tall - Salma Hayek should take a lesson from her.  Although, I would have gone with a less tight bun. 
Kelly Rowland:  The dress looks like it's falling off her shoulder.  I don't like it.
Lori Singer:  Horrid hair.  Out of control branches on her dress.  Hate it.
Adele:  I love Adele.  LOVE.  Her dress is boring though.  It's hard to dress a big girl, I guess.  I covet her long, lush, thick  
Naomi Watts:  I really love this dress.  Love the silver color, love the fit and really love that weirdo shoulder.  Good choice.
Nicole Kidman:  Eh.  She's so tall, everything looks good on her, but this one is just a fancy dress.  It's not stunning.  I won't remember it.
Norah Jones:  I don't know, this just brings so much attention to her middle, I can't decide if I like it or not.  I'm leaning toward no.

Kerry Washington:  She's got great style and I like almost everything she wears.  This dress is pretty, and I love the beaded bodice.  Don't like the center part in her hair, she should have gone with a sideswept style.
Jacki Weaver:  I love the color of this dress and I like the bodice, but I think it should have gone further down to the waist.  It looks like the dress is choking her.
Olivia Munn:  This dress is phenomenal.  Color, bodice, draping, fit.  It's a real beauty.
Marcia Gay Harden:  Hate these sleeves on this thing and wish the bust fit better.  From the sleeves down, I like the dress, but I hate it on her.  Also, her hair is way too long for her age.  She looks old.
Reese Witherspoon:  You need to enlarge this picture to see how really hideous this dress is.  I think it makes her look fat.  The bustline is weird, all stitched and seperated like that, and that dumb little bow.  And I hate the color.  And her hair.  I'm disappointed, Reese.
Jennifer Hudson:  Her weight loss suits her so well.  Her body looks great in everything now.  I am okay with the color of the dress (not the shoes), but I think it's too much dress for her.  It's too covered up. 
Helen Hunt:  I can't hate this dress any more than I do.  It's so boring, I might even fall asleep writing this.  I know it was from H & M, and that may be the problem, but it doesn't fit well at all, the color is okay, but this shape and style has been done so many times, it's unremarkable. 
Robin Roberts:  Don't care a stitch about her or this dress.  She bugs me.
This photo with the men (I don't care what they wear, although Bradley Cooper is hawwwt!) is here only because I have to comment on what Mark Ruffalo's wife, Sunrise Coigney, is wearing. 

What IS she wearing??  First, I hate the blue purse.  I like the "pop of color" idea with clothing, but what the hell?  The dress looks like it was made out of my striped bedsheets.  As if the shapeless bodice hanging there isn't bad enough, it's connected to that revolting bedspread/sheet/tablecloth thing. 

I guess Mark is too busy with his activism to tell his wife her dress is
fracking ugly.  He lives thirty miles from where I grew up - next time I'm home, I might have to stop buy and rip that rag out of her closet!

Thanks for joining me while I semi-bashed Oscar fashion.  Now I have to go pick out which yoga pants I'm going to wear tomorrow.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2012: A Little Nip Of A Love Affair
2011: It’s A Serious Addiction
2010: Why Play Fantasy Football When You Can Spend Your Time Making Lists For The Halle Experiment?
2009: I Hope There Isn’t Going To Be A Quiz
2008: Sunglasses Required
2007: Golden Eye
2006: Making A List And Checking It Twice
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!


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