Sunday, December 22, 2013

Do You Really Need To Ice Skate At The Mall??

Here are just a few thoughts I had while shopping today:

Do I really need another black purse?
Black purses call my name.  Oh, I look at the other colors.  Pick them up and touch them.  Think about what I can pair them with and which outfit they'll match.  But the black purse yanks my eyeballs over to them and I'm hooked.  They just work with everything.  Anything.  I didn't buy one today, but I will.  It's inevitable.

Why do people go to the mall? 
I went to the mall today because I had to.  Not because I wanted to.  I never want to.  But the item I needed was only sold at a store that was there.  Let me tell you if you don't already know - and I'm sure you do - but the mall, people?  It's fucking insane.  WHY would anyone shop at a mall at this time of year?  We have the internet now.  You never have to go to the mall again.  I shouldn't have been there.  I should have ordered this item online last week.  Perhaps that's what everyone else is there for too, but I doubt it.  It can't be possible that everyone waited until the last minute.  Can it?

People wander.
You can tell when people aren't there for something specific.  They wander.  With glazed eyes.  Zombie-like.  They weave through the racks.  They look at price tags.  They try on sunglasses and makeup and spray fragrances.  They touch everything.  With longing.  But really they just can't decide what they want or need.  Because they really don't want or need anything.  But they've been told they do.  Thanks, media.

After thirty minutes, men are ready to take their lives.

I'm surprised there aren't more men jumping to their deaths from the second level of the mall.  They all look as if they're on a death march anyway.  Dragging behind.  Whining that they're hungry, or thirsty, or tired.  Telling you "It's fine.  Get it." every time you pick up something and say, "What do you think about this one?"  They drag, they sit, they don't get why you have to go back to that other store for that other thing.  I actually hate to shop, so Ed is pretty lucky in that respect.  I want to go in, get what I need, and leave.  But I saved a dollar on one of the items I bought.  Too bad I had to walk to the other end of the mall to do it.  I would have gladly paid someone five bucks to go get it for me and bring it back.

Why is the mall so hot?
SO fucking hot.  I don't get it.  We're still in Arizona, and although it's cold outside, there's no need to crank the heat up when you have all those bodies crowding each other and people breathing out hot air all over the place.  I can't function in heat, you know that.  I had my hand-held fan going on high speed.  And my hair was still soaking wet.  And of course, in that state, I ran into two people I haven't seen in years.  I mean like, fifteen years.  I'm sure they were thinking, "Nice hair."

People should get babysitters. 
Going to the mall is bad enough.  Going to the mall with kids is mental.  They scream, cry, run under and around you.  And women with strollers?  Are you kidding me??  Why the hell do you need to be out at the mall with a kid in a stroller?  You can't possibly be enjoying the trip.  And on that subject, I think they need to install stroller lanes.  Like bike lanes.  Stay in them and stop blocking people in a hurry.  
The ones who need to just run in, get what they need, and leave.

What the fuck am I doing at the mall?

I had that thought with almost every step I took.  I think I had a mini nervous breakdown.  I can't stand the crowds, the heat, the people, the noise, the stimulation overload.  I thought since I was there anyway, I'd look at a few things.  But I couldn't, I had to get out.  And I did.  But not before I hit one more store.

The only reason to ever step foot in a mall.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2012: Christmas Score! 
2011: Iowa Beef Dresses Up For The Holidays
2010: Weather, Wyoming And Wings
2009: The End Is Not Just Near, It’s Here!!
2008: Keeping The Mountain On The Right Side Of The Fence
2007: Divine Intervention Comes A Little To Late
2006: General Delivery
2005: Frumpy To Nicole

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