This Is How We Do It

Today I got an email from the Plum Trucker. In addition to all the great stuff she had to say, now that she and Kendall have their own truck and are on the road, she had one important thing she needed to find out before she signed off. She said, "Oh but I do have a question, how in the hell do you get your truck into all of these Barnes and Nobles? Please share the secret, because me and Kendall would love to go into Barnes and Nobles and we don't know how the heck you are doing it :)"

I never really thought about it, I guess. I'm so used to going that it doesn't even occur to me that there's a parking lot with a Barnes & Noble (or Starbucks, or Dunkin' Donuts, or...) that I wouldn't consider pulling into. Well, I might consider not pulling into it, but I have Eddie (the master) by my side and as I've mentioned before, he can pull into a thimble if he had to. But that's not the point, so I'll leave that out for now. Since she needed an answer, I told her pretty much the following.

This is how we do it...

First I want to mention that our wheelbase is bigger than a lot of standard trucks out there; 316" as opposed to say, 245" which makes it harder for us to navigate some areas.

Second, we have a flatbed with a spread axle which makes pivoting on that axle grouping a little challenging when trying to get around tight corners. Granted, Ed could get in anywhere, but we're leaving that out, remember? They drive a van trailer with tandem axles, so they'll be able to navigate parking lots a lot easier than we could (on average) with much better pivoting ability.

That said, what we usually do when I pick out the lucky Barnes & Noble that will be graced with my presence, is to check it out before we go. If it's in a mall, we usually have no problem navigating the parking lot, but some malls don't let trucks park in their lots so we look for those signs right away. They're not hard to spot since they're typically like little beacons on every light pole. It's pretty much a message telling you they don't like you or your kind.

We try not to park in those places, but it's mostly a judgement call; sometimes we'll drive around the mall to see if there is a place that doesn't have any signs. Like an adjacent lot that has a store that's gone out of business or something; those places don't seem to care who parks in their lots.

We also usually look at the address on Google Maps, which is really an invaluable tool. Most Barnes & Nobles are in big shopping plazas...it's rare that we come across one with a small lot, although in cities like L.A. or NY/NJ they are sometimes tighter. You can often get a good idea of the turning area in the lot by looking at the satellite image. In those pictures, we can see where the cars are parked. Most parking spaces are 10' wide by 20' long, so knowing that, we're able to determine how much turning room we'll have or where we'd be able to park the truck once we get there; it takes about eight parking spots to park a truck, so we can judge that in advance.

If you're new to the trucking game, and you want to go to a bookstore (or any store, for that matter) you'll want to pick places at malls until you get better at navigating small parking lots. You'll notice that many parking lots will put big, decorative rocks at the end of each row of cars or at the entrances. These are meant to keep trucks out, because we often can't make the turns without hitting the rocks. I never realized it, but you look at parking lots in a whole new light when you drive a truck!

OK, so once we find a place we can get into, we just go ahead and park. If it's in a mall, we usually pick spots at the end of the lot, or far away, where the regular shoppers aren't parking. Sometimes a mall security guard will drive around or stop to see what we're doing. I find that if I talk to them, we have better luck - I think it's something about being a girl trucker.

Their main concern is usually if we plan on staying overnight; they don't typically like that (thank you very much to all those truckers who throw pee bottles out the windows). I usually say something like, "Oh, we're just planning to go to dinner and then hit Barnes and Noble for a little while...we'll be out of here when the mall closes." or whatever. I make sure they know I plan on SPENDING MY MONEY in their mall and that I won't be staying there overnight. That usually seems to work.

Sometimes, we go around the back of the building and find a spot there. Most of these places need trucks to get in there to deliver stuff, so we look for the "Truck Route" signs. A lot of it is just common sense. We don't park blocking anyone in and we don't take up spots for cars. You don't want someone complaining because a truck is parked in a spot THEY could have had.

I also mentioned one VERY important thing, something I would have never considered until Ed told me: ALWAYS park in a manner that allows you to get out.

If you have to turn around and point the nose of your truck towards the entrance, do it. Make sure no one will block you in and make sure you have enough room to navigate the exit. Ed always makes sure he can get out - even if he has to back in from the road. No one knows you're going you're Barnes & Noble to drink lattes and read magazines - they'll just watch you back in because they think you're delivering something. Pretend you BELONG there!

This advice is good for wherever you want to take your pretty little truck; restaurants, malls, movie theaters, etc. With movie theaters, take into consideration the time and day you're there. It's a lot easier to find parking during a matinee than during Friday date night.

One other note - don't always rely on your GPS. It's great, yes, but sometimes it'll take you down roads you're not supposed to be on. Checking things out before you go is always the wisest choice.

I hope this helps Michelle and Kendall, or whoever else might be new to the Barnes-And-Noble-Latte-Drinking-Magazine-Reading circuit. Also, and this isn't a trucking tip, make sure to buy your Barnes and Noble membership card. It's good for great discounts on merchandise and you even get a discount in the cafe - at $25 a year, it pays for itself every time!

Happy motoring and latte drinking!


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1 YEAR AGO: Storage In The Storm
2 YEARS AGO: Devil Horse In The Louisiana Wetlands
3 YEARS AGO: Not Sloppy. No Joe. Just Bob And His Loosemeats Residing In The Ice Cream Capital Of The World.
4 YEARS AGO: Playing With Your Money But Not Really SPENDING It
5 YEARS AGO: Glamour Puss

Monkey Pod Treasure

Look at this beautiful hand carved Monkey Pod wood bowl made by Blair's of Hawaii. It seems Blair's was a store in Waikiki in the 1960s and these bowls were big sellers. This one is signed on the bottom; etched in the wood it says "Blair Hawaii Monkey Pod".

Where did I find this you ask? At the grand opening of a Goodwill store in Augusta, Georgia. Ed and I went to find some foam for our truck seats and while in the shopping plaza, met up with some local Sheriffs who were admiring our truck. Ed invited them in and we wound up talking with them for about thirty minutes. They told us of the grand opening of the store and off we went.

This great find now sits on our kitchen counter. One man's trash is another man's treasure.


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1 YEAR AGO: Eddie Embraces The Rules Friday
2 YEARS AGO: They Have A MAGAZINE???
3 YEARS AGO: Planting The Sun
4 YEARS AGO: Training Day
5 YEARS AGO: Cannonball Run

Time Travel

Since researching and planning for the Italy trip, I've become interested in starting research on my family tree. I started this many years ago but got sidetracked and discouraged with the challenge of finding information. Today, the internet makes some of the searching much easier.

What really made me think about doing it more seriously was the possibility of getting Italian citizenship. With the proper documents and the proof of my family blood line, I would be able to apply for citizenship in Italy, giving me dual citizenship between my ancestors' home country and mine.

Seeing the handwriting of my great-grandparents (like on this draft registration card), their names on census documents (with addresses and family member names) and seeing their names on the passenger lists of ships that came in through Ellis Island is really exciting. So far, I've been able to go back six generations on one side and five generations on the other.

I can't wait to find out more!


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1 YEAR AGO: One More Reason I Love The Highway Hags
2 YEARS AGO: Boathouse On The Gulf
3 YEARS AGO: Canada Is Bubblicious
4 YEARS AGO: You Know You’re In A Hotel That Doesn’t Have A Star Rating…
5 YEARS AGO: It’s A Dry Heat

Pork And Parking Served Up With Southern Charm

After dropping off our load today in Blackville, South Carolina, Ed and I headed to Augusta, Georgia for a little Southern BBQ.

After taking several back country roads and passing trailer after trailer and church after church, we finally made our way to Sconyer’s BBQ; a place that's been around since 1956. It had to be good, right?

The ordering was easy; Sweet Tea (unsweet for Eddie) and two Plantation Platters, the house specialty. The platter consisted of a quarter chicken (breast/wing), two meaty pork ribs, an undetermined amount of sliced brisket, and a heaping pile of chopped pork. On the side we chose coleslaw and potato salad and both platters came with hash served over rice. We told the waitress it was our first time there and she explained that the platters were huge, but we ordered them anyway knowing we'd just bring the leftovers back to the truck.

Boy, she wasn't wrong when she said they were huge. Half the plate was filled with the hash, but the rest was piled high with the other stuff. I wasn't even sure what hash was since I've never eaten it, but I read online that it was a dish of chopped pork or beef combined with various chopped up vegetables and seasonings, which didn't really sound appealing to me, but I tried it anyway. I did not like it. At all.

The chicken was good (although there were feathers still unplucked in the wing!), the ribs tasty (but could have been a little less fatty), the chopped pork (which isn't made from the tenderloin, like pulled pork) wasn't terribly bad and the brisket, was surprisingly my favorite. The coleslaw and potato salad was marginal and the half loaf of white bread they served with the meal was, well, white bread.

I ate my entire piece of chicken, the two ribs, a few forkfuls of the pork and meat and then couldn't finish another bite. I have enough leftover for probably two more meals. Ed left about as much on his plate. So we took it all home, minus the hash. The BBQ was the vinegary style, not the sweet, barbeque-ey type I'm used to, so I wasn't entirely in love with it but I did enjoy it, and Ed will have lunch for the next three days from the leftovers which I'll doctor up a little with some Sweet Baby Ray's.

We're not sure if we'll go back again because there are too many BBQ joints to cover in our lifetime, but the people at the place were so overwhelmingly friendly, it was definitely a pleasant dining experience and certainly worth a second shot if we're in the area. I called before we went to see if they had truck parking and although they didn't have a lot specifically for trucks, the woman asked me to hold a minute while she checked where we could park. When she came back on the line, she said they wouldn't mind at all if we parked right out front and if we couldn't fit there, we were more than welcome to park at Mr. Larry's house, which was right next door. "Mr. Larry" is the owner of the restaurant; his parents were the ones who founded it.
As truck drivers, we're always told where we can't park and have been told to leave more parking lots than I can count, so their response has definitely been the nicest we've ever gotten regarding truck parking. These people were actually willing to make room for us just so we could enjoy their restaurant.

Talk about Southern hospitality!


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1 YEAR AGO: They Should Put This Scent In A Candle. I’d Have One Lit In My House Every Night!
2 YEARS AGO: After All
3 YEARS AGO: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
4 YEARS AGO: Who My Baby Daddy?
5 YEARS AGO: South Siiiide Education

Cristo Velato

As I was doing more research for our Italy trip, I found information on Museo Cappella Sansevero. This place is going to be a definite must see. That statue in the photo (which you can see larger if you click on it), the Veiled Christ, looks so real, yet it's carved entirely out of one piece of marble.

Any time I see sculptures like this in museums, I marvel at the fact that the people who created these did them without any of the gadgets or technology we have today. Which obviously is the reason they're so fabulous. But still, I envision someone just chipping away with their chisel and working their magic to make something like this. In this case, to make it look as if the fabric is actually draping.

I can't wait to see it in person; I'm ready to be awestruck.


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1 YEAR AGO: Flash Dancing Through Summer
2 YEARS AGO: Another Day, Another 32 Things About Me
3 YEARS AGO: A Bottle And A Nap Would Be Nice
4 YEARS AGO: Because You Never Know When You’re Going To Need A Roman Candle
5 YEARS AGO: Thank A Trucker

Hot Dogs Are The New Coitus

My mother babysat my nephews today - Middle J and Youngest J - they were home sick and my sister-in-law had to work. As usual, they always come out with the best stuff. While there, Middle J told her about my brother taking the two oldest ones to the skateboard park over the weekend.

They told her how much fun they had but that there were some older kids there too. Then Middle J said, "And Nana, we cut him off by mistake and he called us the eff word!!"

"He called you the eff word??" my mother said, shocked.

"Yes!!" they said in unison. "And it was really loud!" Middle J added.

"What did your father say?" my mother wanted to know.

"Well, Daddy didn't hear him say it. But we got him back." Middle J said.

"What do you mean you 'got him back'?" my mother said.

"We called him a big fat hot dog in a bun!" Middle J said. "That's our way of calling HIM the eff word. He just doesn't know it!"

Who needs "what the French, toast?!" and "who are you calling a cootie queen, you lintlicker??" when you have "big fat hot dog in a bun!" in your arsenal.


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1 YEAR AGO: Better Than A Five Dollar Foot Long
2 YEARS AGO: Isn’t This Grate??
3 YEARS AGO: Eddie Gives Me That Smoldering Look Friday
4 YEARS AGO: Bringing The Good Stuff
5 YEARS AGO: The Road To Sin City

Better Than A Leg Press Machine. Or How To Get A Good Looking Left Gam.

See that little stretch of road? The one highlighted in blue? That's I-95 in New Jersey approaching the George Washington Bridge (over the body of water) into New York. The highlighted portion, from Exit 68 to the toll booth, which is right around Exit 73 is just about four miles.

Well, last night, it tooks me four hours to travel those four miles. FOUR HOURS. To go four miles. FOUR HOURS!

I am not even kidding you, people. I have to tell you, in all the years I've lived in New York (born and raised) and in the six years I've been on the road as a truck driver (having been to 49 states and 11 of the 13 Canadian Provinces and Territories), I have never SEEN or BEEN STUCK IN traffic as bad as last night. Never. EVER. Not once, since I first got behind the wheel of a car at fifteen and a half years old, to this very day.

Most of the time was spent sitting with the brake pulled. Not moving an inch. At one point, I even popped into the sleeper to get a bit to eat to bring back up to the driver's seat. I spent some time on the CB, which I never do, just talking to the other guys stuck in traffic. They were suprisingly nice....shocker.

Once we did start moving (and by moving, I mean inches), I thought my left leg was going to spaz out on me because keeping it poised on the clutch was making my muscles tremble. From the local guys on the radio, it seems this is a typical occurence on Sunday nights in the summer; everyone going home from the shore. Since we don't pick the night to be on the GWB, it didn't even occur to us to consider what day it was. Oh sure, you think about where you'll be at morning or evening rush hours and try to stay away if you can, but who gave any thought to the bridge on a Sunday night? I mean, it's not a work day or anything. And it was LATE. Ugh.

We were going to go another way but Ed decided against it. I could blame him, but really it wasn't his fault. Although I know I said at least once, "See? If we had just gone the way I wanted to go..." But really, neither one of us thought twice about it since we'd been through here many, many times. I know in the future, we'll be checking Google Maps to see the traffic; when we've used it in the past, it's been pretty accurate.

The worst thing about sitting in that traffic is that as the minutes tick by, you're less and less inclined to want to pay the toll. I'm surprised people don't complain more. I know the guys on the CB were thinking of not paying (joking, of course), but with cameras everywhere these days they'd likely find you and send you a bill anyway. Not really worth the additional aggravation.

Today Ed and I watched all of the video footage of us sitting in traffic. We got through it in about twenty minutes.

And my leg didn't hurt at all.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
1 YEAR AGO: How Can I Tread On You When I Can’t Even Turn Around?
2 YEARS AGO: Popping Good Time
3 YEARS AGO: Touching Down For A Quick Rest Break
4 YEARS AGO: Follow Your Heart
5 YEARS AGO: All About The Benjamins

X Marks The Imaginary Spot

Another fantastic and completely Original Palm Sketch by Salena. I dug this one out because Ed's newfound hypocondria has him convinced that because I'm coughing all over the truck, he now has a sore throat.

Oh. My. God. Can you BE more of a drama queen? Granted, I'm feeling a little sneezy, but I think it's just something in the air. I'm the one who feels a little on the shitty side and he's the one crying for the slippery elm.

He's even got my mother, who is two thousand seven hundred thirty nine miles away, convinced that he needs a cup of hot tea with honey and lemon. She always takes his side though; I could be hacking up a hairball on the floor and she'd step over me to bring "Sweet Eddie" a cup of hot tea.

My response to Ed's drama?

Breathing all over his cell phone.

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1 YEAR AGO: A Field That Looks Perfect For Wrasslin’…If It Weren’t For The Sign
2 YEARS AGO: Come Visit Me In Italy!
3 YEARS AGO: Asked And Answered
4 YEARS AGO: L.E.A.P.
5 YEARS AGO: Can You Hear Me Now?

HBD143

My father and I (at four days old).


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1 YEAR AGO: Eddie Hauls Laundry The White Trash Way Friday
2 YEARS AGO: Sun Setting Over Lake Pontchartrain
3 YEARS AGO: Sanchez. Pedro Sanchez.
4 YEARS AGO: Remembering Those In Heaven
5 YEARS AGO: The Line Of Gold Thread

Knee Deep In Training

This is a picture of Michelle, The Plum Trucker, with the trainer that helped ease her into the trucking world. His name is Knee Deep - no, I don't know and I didn't ask - but I have to say I just love his look. He's so big and cuddly and has such a pleasant face.

She is now done with her training period and her and Kendall (her fiance) have gotten their own truck assigned to them and are waiting for their first load. I'm very excited for them and proud of them getting through the training period (which you can read a little bit about on her blog).

Now we'll just have to keep our eyes peeled for Lone Wolf and Snake!!


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1 YEAR AGO: She Sells Seashells By The Seashore
2 YEARS AGO: Shopping At Walmart Is The Closest Some Of Us Will Ever Get To China
3 YEARS AGO: Giving Indians A Bad Name
4 YEARS AGO: Six Flags Of Horror Fly Over Texas
5 YEARS AGO: Snake River

Smalltopia And Rowdy Kittens

Ed found this site after seeing the couple in a TV interview. After reading through quite a bit of their website, I thought I'd share it here. I like the concept. Don't know if I would be able to have as austere a lifestyle as they've created, but I like it. And it's inadvertently kinda how we live.

To learn more about them, read their downsizing story. And check out her products page too - she's got some really cool stuff.

** Photo stolen from Rowdy Kittens website! :)

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1 YEAR AGO: Severely Disabled
2 YEARS AGO: Boys In Dresses
3 YEARS AGO: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
4 YEARS AGO: When I’m Done Peeing, Do I Bang On The Pipes Or Just Yell When I Need Someone To Take Me Back To My Cell?
5 YEARS AGO: The Emerald City

A Peek At A Working Team

About two months ago, I wrote about meeting with Linda Sands, the author of a new book about modern truck drivers. She's in the research and writing stage right now but I really hope to one day see it on store shelves.

The photo above was taken by Avital Aronowitz, the photographer who is responsible for capturing the "essence" of the drivers that will be included in this book. Taken from the back door of the sleeper, it captures Eddie and I as we normally look - me with my stern, direct gaze (my friend said I look like a mob wife, the calm before the storm) and Eddie with his warm, friendly smile.

Guess who is who when we have to play good cop/bad cop? Hey, whatever works, right?


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1 YEAR AGO: Alligators Are Not A Girl’s Best Friend
2 YEARS AGO: Forget Your Cholesterol. Get A Hearing Aid.
3 YEARS AGO: Sizzling Good Time
4 YEARS AGO: Amarillo May Smell Like Cow Shit, But They Have Some Pretty Tasty Steaks
5 YEARS AGO: List Of Fives

The Serious Bather

Today my mother is sixty-four years older than she was in this photo; but...she still acts like a four-year old. And I mean that in a good way.

My grandfather took this picture - he had hundreds of pictures of his four girls - and I just love some of the poses he caught them in.

But this picture not only makes me smile because it's of my mother, but because it reminds me of my grandfather, it reminds me of myself (my mother and I looked very similar as children) and it reminds me of my grandmother because of that coffee pot.

So, Happy Birthday Mommy...party like a four-year old in a bubble bath!!

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1 YEAR AGO: There’s More To The Woman With The Mona Lisa Smile Than Meets The Eye
2 YEARS AGO: Blond Bombshell Birthday
3 YEARS AGO: Milestones And Yardsticks: How To Measure A Good Life
4 YEARS AGO: The Roaring Twenties
5 YEARS AGO: Escape

Sandía On The Wall

Today we spent the day hanging out at Otay Ranch Town Center in Chula Vista, California. Last night we had lunch at Frida (photo above) and today we hit Best Buy, went to lunch, shopped at Sephora and spent the afternoon at Barnes & Noble.

We scored a sweet parking spot at the top of the hill, facing the west side so we even caught a sunset. Tonight we'll watch a movie (or two) and then look for a load tomorrow that hopefully takes us back across the country.

Right now, a lot more relaxing and a little bit of writing are on the agenda for me...I'm behind on my posts at Big Truck TV and Life On The Road. Actually, behind doesn't even begin to cover how seriously slacking I am.

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1 YEAR AGO: Big Rig Parking At #34
2 YEARS AGO: The Benefits Of Marriage Without The Hassle Of Dieting To Get Into The Dress
3 YEARS AGO: Gateway To The West
4 YEARS AGO: Taking A Lesson From An Eleven Year Old
5 YEARS AGO: Rejoice And Be Sad

Opulence. I Hyaz It.

While in San Diego, crossing the bridge over to Coronado Island, Ed spied this super yacht. I don't know how he does it, but he'll see a boat before he'd see a flaming fireball coming out of the sky, aimed right at him. I was taking pictures in that direction and didn't really notice the yacht. To me, it was just another boat.

But apparently, this is not just another boat. This $300 million dollar yacht is owned by Russian billionaire businessman, Andrey Melnichenko.

The yacht, named after his wife Aleksandra, is 390-feet long and has two swimming pools. I can only imagine what the inside looks like.

Opulence is certainly something he has.


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1 YEAR AGO: Flipping It At The Bird
2 YEARS AGO: Eddie Flippin’ Friday
3 YEARS AGO: Hope Collapses
4 YEARS AGO: You Do The Math
5 YEARS AGO: 14,410 Feet Of Beauty

Just A Glimpse

We didn't have any time to visit, there wasn't any parking nearby for the truck and this was the closest I could get to the Hotel del Coronado - a drive-by photo via the passenger side window.


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1 YEAR AGO: Eddie Mails A Package In His Dorfman Friday
2 YEARS AGO: Shower Jam
3 YEARS AGO: Golden Arches
4 YEARS AGO: The Land Of Fruits, Nuts And Flakes
5 YEARS AGO: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Yo, Vin!

This is the aircraft carrier at the Naval Air Station North Island on Coronado Island in San Diego that we delivered the F-18 fuel tanks to - the USS Carl Vinson.

Of course, it's muuuuch bigger than what you see in this picture. Up close, it's daunting. Oh, and full of sailors.


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1 YEAR AGO: Sweeter Words Have Never Been Spoken
2 YEARS AGO: More Proof I Ate At A Sushi Place
3 YEARS AGO: North Sally Port
4 YEARS AGO: Holy Cow!
5 YEARS AGO: Wishing

Imperial Sand

A view from Interstate-8 in California of the Imperial Sand Dunes. I wouldn't want to be stuck out there on a hot summer day!

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1 YEAR AGO: How Many Twenty Year Olds Have A Seventy Pound Head?
2 YEARS AGO: My First Time
3 YEARS AGO: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
4 YEARS AGO: Text Me
5 YEARS AGO: Eddie Dines Out Friday

Miles Of Smiles, Hours Of Laughs

Today I got to have lunch with my favorite people in Nashville! (L-R) My best friend Vicki, her daughter Mina (in front of her), Kim, Nikki and Vicki's son Michael down in front. I didn't know Kim and Nikki were coming, so it was a great surprise. We had the BEST time!

One of these days, I will once again be their neighbors. I love Nashville, I love Tennessee, I love my friends and I love my Eddie for finding some time for us to stop!


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1 YEAR AGO: I’m Dreaming of Blue Skies, Key Lime Pie And Pink Flamingos*
2 YEARS AGO: Stop Beyond The Palm
3 YEARS AGO: Kittery Dittery Doo
4 YEARS AGO: Crab Infested Thoughts
5 YEARS AGO: Bi The Way

Triple FFF-18

We drove over 2,700 miles with this load. I don't even think my driving topless would have garnered more looks. These torpedo looking objects are actually just fuel tanks for F-18 Fighter Jets. Kinda cool, super-innocuous and apparently, a little sexy.

It's the only freight we've ever hauled that looked as if it needed undergarments.


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1 YEAR AGO: Hot Tuna Doesn’t Get Any Play In My Truck
2 YEARS AGO: Corn Fed Summer
3 YEARS AGO: Eddie Breaks The Rules Friday
4 YEARS AGO: The Chicks Of Dixie
5 YEARS AGO: Text Me

See That Shiny Reflective Thing Over There? It's Called A Mirror. Meer. Or.

A few days ago, I wrote a post about practical dressing tips for the abundant woman. Well, Mike from Mike’s Short Attention Span Theater suggested in the comments section that I should do one for men. What a splendid idea! Read on...

10 Practical Dressing Tips For Men

1. I don't care what kind of physique you have, ripping the sleeves off of what was once a perfectly good button down shirt, doesn't work on anyone. Not even on The Cable Guy. The same goes for cutting the sleeves off t-shirts. Put the scissors down.

2. Unless you're a golfer or a pimp, I can't see a reason to wear pink plaid pants.

3. Your shirt must cover your gut at all times. If I can see the bottom edge of your belly peeking out from below, jiggling just beneath the last button or the edge of the hem, you either need to tuck it in, take it off or search for XLT - it means "Xtra-Large Tall" - the shirt will be longer and cover a multitude of sins.

4. T-shirts with verbiage that describe any kind of bodily function, any kind of sex act or any kind of retarted, immature juvenile vision of the world in general make YOU look like a retarded immature juvenile. This includes the "If you can read this, the bitch fell off" t-shirt.

5. Black socks with sandals or sneakers. It never works. Don't believe the buddy who tells you no one will notice. We notice.

6. If your ass crack shows at ANY time, you need a) a belt, b) suspenders, c) smaller pants or d) a mirror. If you are adjusting the back of your shirt every time you stand up, don't you think other people can see what it is you're trying to cover? People exist behind you...don't ruin their day.

7. Sweatpants should not be so tight that I can see the helmet of your little soldier, nor should they be so baggy in the ass that you look as if you need (or are wearing) a diaper. And while on the subject of baggy...there shouldn't be so much ballooning between waist and ankle that you can be mistaken for MC Hammer.

8. Consider your footwear. Buy something other than sneakers. There are tons of comfortable styles out there for men that look so much better, especially with jeans; a nice brown leather slip-on, a cowboy boot, a loafer, flip-flops, even sandals. Well, except for gladiator sandals. You're not Russell Crowe and this isn't 300 BC.

9. Skinny jeans. They don't even look good on 15-year old boys and rock stars. When I see these teenagers walking around the mall with their Zac Efron hair and their tight, low-rise, skinny jeans, "ridiculous" is the only word that comes to mind. I'm actually embarrassed for them.

10. Overalls. Unless you're Amish, a farmer, an Amish farmer or so super-effing-HOT that no one cares what you're wearing, you really shouldn't rock the overall. I can't imagine where you'd be going that overalls are appropriate attire. I might lift this ban for cute guys, but even then, I'd have to wonder why.

If you guys don't have a clue, ask a girl friend. Most women have a pretty decent sense of style. I say most because as we all know, we've seen guys violating numbers 1-10 who are still accompanied by a women. But I'd venture to say that if you did a poll in your office (well, unless your office is like my office...a truck stop), you're not going to find too many women who disagree with my list. If your girlfriend or wife has clothing suggestions for you, try it before you knock it.

That said, it's interesting that Mike would request this list because just from his headshot, he actually looks pretty decent. He's handsome, well-groomed and wearing a collared shirt AND jacket.

Now unless he's wearing pink plaid pants...


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1 YEAR AGO: There Was A Burrito Bowl Calling My Name
2 YEARS AGO: The Charmed Life
3 YEARS AGO: Flowing History
4 YEARS AGO: Doors Opening And Closing
5 YEARS AGO: No Cal

Is It Just The Girlie Bits That Make Us The Cry-Baby Sex?

I've written about the Lifetime network before and it seems the thing they do best is crank out chick flicks that either make you cry or want to turn in your boyfriend for one like the male lead in the movie they happen to be showing.

Today was no exception. While loafing around Virginia Beach for the weekend, I got sucked in. First it was The Jane Austen Book Club, which I totally loved, even though I couldn't remember a damn thing from any of the Jane Austen books I've read (which only means I'll have to re-read them). And the second movie was Lucky 7, with Patrick Dempsey. And of course, he was the perfect male in every way. I mean, how can you go wrong with Patrick Dempsey?

Ed was gone (I don't even know where he went but I was willing him to stay away) during the entire Jane Austen Book Club movie. He came back to the truck halfway through the second flick.

I was alternately laughing, crying, smiling and sighing as I watched, scene after scene, the boy likes girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back story. Every time Ed heard a sigh or an audible pre-cry whimper, he turned my way. I made the mistake of looking over at him, which I suppose gave him non-verbal permission to voice his thoughts.

"Hmmph, Lifetime Network." he snorted. "Their logo should be a vagina."

Yeah, um, I don't think that would make it past the network censors.


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1 YEAR AGO: Who Would Have Thought Cheese And Tarheels Were Such A Perfect Complement
2 YEARS AGO: First Friday Fill-In – Say THAT Five Times Fast!
3 YEARS AGO: Another Year Of Life In The Pink
4 YEARS AGO: Can You Hear My Happiness?
5 YEARS AGO: Alis Volat Propiis

Captain Of The Most Expensive Fried Seafood This Side Of Arthur Treacher's

Tonight Ed chose the place for dinner. When I asked for a clue where we were going, he told me "It has the word "Captain" in the name." That's not a whole lot of help when you're in a coastal community like Virginia Beach; every other restaurant has the word Captain in its name.

We drove and drove until we came to a teeny-tiny road. Definitely not one that looked truck friendly. In fact, if I had suggested this place, when Ed came upon this particular road, he would have said, "No. No way. We're not going there." and we would have turned around. But he was feeling bold, so we forged on.

The only thing that makes me secure in his decision is that I know Ed could back his way out of a thimble, so were we to get in a tight spot, there'd be no problem. And it turned out we did come upon a thimble of sorts; a road with no out. But Eddie did it of course and we continued on our quest. We found the restaurant (they don't call it a hide-a-way for nothing) and parked nearby. We started to walk until we saw this sign:

We followed the arrow down a tiny lane until we found the restaurant. May I present Captain Chuck-A-Muck’s:The restaurant was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives back in August of 2008. Among the pictures on the wall were pictures of Guy Fieri and the owner.

There was a line out the door of people waiting and we were told it would be 45 minutes (which we didn't want to wait) so we asked if we could sit at the bar. This was our view:

The bartender was a sweet girl who took care of us right away. We ordered a Diet Coke and an Iced Tea along with a basket of onion rings to munch on while we perused the menu.

My first thought was, HolyShit, this place is expensive. And I only point that out because I RARELY, if ever, care what the price on a menu is. But most of the stuff on the menu (fish-wise) was fried and when I see fried seafood, I think more Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips - not something that's $21.95. I really wanted scallops (or shrimp), but I wanted them broiled, so I was having a hard time deciding. Ed was eyeing the Seafood Feast and when I found out it came with shrimp and scallops, I agreed. This is the feast that we shared:

It consisted of 1 deviled crab, 3 fried oysters (which looked like fried calf testicles), 4 fried scallops, 4 fried shrimp, 1 crabcake, 1 piece of fried Mahi-Mahi, 2 hush puppies, a scoop of coleslaw and a handful of fries. Served on a plastic platter with a foam plate and plastic utensils. I was not impressed.

I tried everything except the oysters. Ed tried half of one and said they were extremely pungent and fishy. I hate fishy. The Mahi-Mahi was pretty good and I liked the scallops and shrimp, but nothing on the plate stood out. The deviled crab was fishy and the crabcake just so-so. The fries weren't super hot and the coleslaw was commercial. We shared a piece of Key Lime pie for dessert which I loved, but it looked as if it came out of a Sysco box. Again, not homemade.

I'm sure this place is great for the locals and it's a nice place to be able to ride up to in your boat, but it's not a place I'd ever go to again. The worst thing? I'm starting to question Guy Fieri's judgment.


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1 YEAR AGO: Eddie Acts Like A Monkey Friday
2 YEARS AGO: I Might Like It If There Is Some Balling Involved
3 YEARS AGO: Very Large Cheek Pouches Come In Handy When Traveling
4 YEARS AGO: The French Are So Romance Savvy
5 YEARS AGO: Wyoming Clean Air Act

Dear Arizona,

Rooftop in the South Bronx, New York City.

It's a complicated issue no doubt, but what I always come back to regarding people in our country illegally is this: Are we really treating these people fairly and humanely? Since most people seem to think the only illegals in our country are Hispanic (which of course, isn't true), I'm going to to assume that's the case for the sake of this post.

We make money on their backs, we rip apart their families without concern about what happens to those left behind, and we blame them for crime, which in Arizona, is actually down. Even in reference to the kidnappings in Arizona’s capital city, Phoenix police Sgt. Tommy Thompson said, “I have no fear that my kids or grandkids will be victims.” The real fact about crime is, according to Stephen H. Legomsky who wrote a piece for the Southern Illinois University Law Journal, is that immigrants are neither more nor less law-abiding than the native-born U.S. population.

Figures from the Arizona Department of Public Safety and the FBI actually show that violent crime rates in the state — as well as along the entire Southwest border — have been dropping for some time. According to those two agencies, here are crime facts for Arizona and the border states:

* Violent crimes in Arizona — murder, rape, robbery, and aggravated assault — are down by 15 percent since 2006, and have been dropping every year.

* Per-capita violent crime rate in Arizona dropped 22 percent in that same time period.

* Crime has gone down nationally, but Arizona’s drop in violent crime was actually twice as big as the national average.

* Border cities are among the nation’s safest. Yes, that includes Phoenix, where kidnappings of human smugglers and their associates have spiked. In other words, unless you’re a smuggler of humans into the United States, you’re safer in Phoenix than in say, Charlotte, NC.

* Counties along the Southwest border have some of the lowest rates of violent crime per capita in the nation, with rates dropping by more than 30 percent since the 1990s.

* There is no evidence of “spillover” of violence from Mexico. Example: El Paso is next to Juarez, Mexico, which has seen brutal drug wars take thousands of lives. El Paso, by contrast, had 12 murders last year, down from 17 in 2008. And finally, the stats that would drive the bigots nuts, if they were able to admit they’re wrong:

* Cities with high numbers of immigrants are actually safer.

Here is the actual report if you don't want to take my word for it.

So what really, is the problem? I have heard, just in my personal interaction with people around the country, remarks that lead me to believe it's largely driven by the fact that these people are Hispanic. I've never heard anyone, anywhere, at anytime make a remark about a Canadian, the stripper with the Australian accent they met at the bar the other night or the bellman with the English accent who took their bags to their resort hotel room. (I use that last example because I actually worked at a resort with a guy from England who no one ever questioned).

Just recently, when I was stopped on the Interstate while a car on the shoulder was burning, a guy came up to my driver side window to find out what happened (since I had the CB and all). In the course of our conversation, he made a comment about "them Mexican illegals who need to go back where they belong." Racist, much?
This recent article points out some of the challenges that have been faced by both Obama and before him, Bush. Reagan, whom many regard as one of the best Republican Presidents of our time, signed a bill that granted amnesty to three million immigrants. A former speech writer for Ronald Reagan said, "It was in Ronald Reagan's bones -- it was part of his understanding of America -- that the country was fundamentally open to those who wanted to join us here."

In fact, what Reagan actually said was, "I've spoken of the shining city all my political life, but I don't know if I ever quite communicated what I saw when I said it. But in my mind, it was a tall proud city built on rocks stronger than oceans, wind-swept, God-blessed, and teeming with people of all kinds living in harmony and peace; a city with free ports that hummed with commerce and creativity. And if there had to be city walls, the walls had doors and the doors were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here."

I feel the same way. People who have the will and heart to come here to make a better life for themselves and their families should have the chance. I've known MANY "illegals" in my life; I've had a few as friends, and I've even had one in my own family. And they were as hard working, or harder working than the people I know who spout off at the mouth about them being here.

We have millions of acres of vacant land in this country. I don't see why we can't embrace people coming here to make a better life for themsevles and find a solution that doesn't demonize or exploit them. It was noted in the course of this article, that immigration is a fundamental aspect of American history.

As the product of immigrant ancestors, I still believe immigration is fundamental to our country.



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1 YEAR AGO: Come Sit In Our Cab For A Spell And Let us Take You On The Road!
2 YEARS AGO: How Well Do You Know Your Stringed Instruments?
3 YEARS AGO: Meat. The Old Fashioned Way.
4 YEARS AGO: Kicking The Hell Out Of Texas
5 YEARS AGO: Look, Mary!

Summer In The City

Kids keeping cool in the streets of Philadelphia.


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1 YEAR AGO: I Should Get A Job Working The Pole At A Boy Scout Camp
2 YEARS AGO: The Flavor Of Life
3 YEARS AGO: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
4 YEARS AGO: Again??? But You Just Got Off The Phone With Her!
5 YEARS AGO: A Cow’s Opinion

Less Is Not More In All Cases

As a plus size, full figured, heavy-set, plump, overweight, chubby, fat, or as my grandfather used to say, "big boned" woman (although I don't think bones are really classified as skinny or fat...thanks Poppy), there are things that I don't think some of us should wear. Things that give us all a bad name.

Believe me, the corpulent women of this country aren't found in only one area anymore. Some cities may have the dubious distinction of being "America's Fattest City" but I can tell you with certainty, no city has cornered the market on big chicks. That said, I bring you my list of dressing tips for the girl blessed with more.

10 Practical Dressing Tips For Fat Chicks

1. If the words mini, demi or cropped (unless we are talking about pants) are in the description, you probably shouldn't wear it.

2. Rolls are for bakeries. I shouldn't be able to see the one (or three) you have because your shirt doesn't reach your waistband.

3. Speaking of waistbands...they should be around your waist. The low-rise trend is NOT for you.

4. If I can see your ass cheeks, your dress/skirt/shorts are too freakin' short. Even if your name IS Daisy Duke.

5. You probably shouldn't be sporting any words across the ass of your clothing. If you're wearing a pair of sweatpants that say Notre Dame University Alumni, and I can see every single letter clearly...your ass is too wide.

6. Sleeveless is not for everyone. Bra straps, underarm fat or bat wings should be concealed. If it's not flattering, consider an alternative.

7. Fit is paramount. Clothing too tight or alternatively, too big will make you look bigger than you probably are. I shouldn't be able to see every dimple of cellulite on your thighs, nor should I wonder if you're pregnant. Work with your body, not against it.

8. Tube tops, halter tops or anything backless. If you can't contain the girls and they wind up looking like two flounders underneath your top, it's not for you. And do I really need to defend backfat?

9. T-shirts, sweatshirts or sweaters with Disney characters, Betty Boop or lots of childlike embellishments. You don't want to look like a circus clown or its tent. It's bad enough big chicks have to deal with criticism from others, you don't want them pointing and laughing too.

And last but not least...

10. Just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it.

I just want everyone to know that I am by NO MEANS anti-fat. If you are comfortable being a plus-size, or your boyfriend or husband likes his women with meat (a little OR a lot), that's just fine. I'm just saying that there are ways to dress in a more flattering manner. Take some time and think about your appearance. Sloppy is NEVER acceptable. And you don't want to wind up in the "People of Walmart" emails.


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1 YEAR AGO: Grain Gone By
2 YEARS AGO: The Absolute Beauty Of It
3 YEARS AGO: Not Only Did He Pray, He Posed
4 YEARS AGO: Camera Phone Coolness
5 YEARS AGO: Life Is A Salt Shaker

Liquid Crack

We drink a lot of things in our truck; coffee, tea, iced tea, cappuccino, water, milk, juice, Diet Coke, Iced Lattes....but there is nothing we drink as much as Crystal Light Fruit Punch flavored drink mix. We always have a two-gallon container of it, icy cold and ready to go in the fridge.

The other day Ed said to me, "Want some crack juice?"

I knew exactly what he meant...Crystal Light Fruit Punch.

I've tried other flavors. Don't get me wrong, I like the other flavors, but I LOVE the fruit punch flavor. I mean, LOVE. It's refreshing and sweet and calorie free! Of course, I'll probably be a lab experiment someday with all the Splenda I'm ingesting, but I kinda don't care.

I need to get juiced. And I need it now.


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1 YEAR AGO: For All The World To See
2 YEARS AGO: Studio Blue
3 YEARS AGO: Eddie Tests His Spine Friday
4 YEARS AGO: Almost Twenty
5 YEARS AGO: Thinking

Rockin' Rockaholic Haul

This week we thought we had a fuel injector issue, so on our way to California we stopped in Tucson at the one shop we've found that knows what they hell they're doing and had them take a look at it. Turns out, after a quick diagnostic test, that it was nothing.

While we were there, Ed ran into a guy who was driving the TIGI Bedhead Rockaholic Tour Bus:Since I had driven the night before, I was still sleeping and didn't get to see the bus or talk to the driver but Ed spent quite a bit of time chit-chatting while they were both waiting for the shop to get to them.

When the guy was ready to leave, he gave Ed a mini-tour of the inside of the bus and then handed him a backpack full of goodies for me. Look at the haul:

Among the sample packs of products are:

Rockaholic Livin’ The Dream Shampoo & Conditioner, Bed Head Some Like It Hot Shampoo & Conditioner, Rockaholic Way Out Super Hair Glue, Bed Head Urban Anitdotes Resurrection Shampoo & Conditioner, Re-Energize Shampoo and Conditioner and Recovery Shampoo & Conditioner.

With all this stuff, I better have one rockin' head of hair!


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1 YEAR AGO: Just Don’t Call Me Late For Dinner
2 YEARS AGO: In This Case, R & R Means Recumbent And Recuperation
3 YEARS AGO: Posthumously Famous In The World Of Cheap Lodging
4 YEARS AGO: What Better Reason To Dine Out?
5 YEARS AGO: Hudson Valley Summer